As someone who chronically struggles with self-hate, I can attest that it does terrible damage to your mental health. Always being at war with yourself and thinking badly of yourself begins to eat you alive. Eating disorders, depression, and anxiety all thrive off self-hate. To combat this self-hate so we can focus on loving and serving others, we must turn to the Bible.
God's Word allows us to reflect on what He says rather than what our negative thoughts tell us. When self-hate starts escalating, we have to extinguish its flames by reflecting on the beauty and truth of the Bible and turning to God in prayer. Ask God to help you hear what He wants you to hear through His Word, and ask Him to help your heart receive His truth.
Self-hate can be a chronic problem, but we can help ourselves by choosing to believe in who God says we are. He is the One who can help us with any trouble or hardship, and this includes self-hate.
If you are struggling with self-hate today, consider meditating on the five Bible passages below:
“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27
When self-hate hits us hard, we have to look at what God says. When God created man and woman, including each of us today, in the Garden of Eden, He created us in His image. This should not be taken lightly as this means our Creator loves us enough to reflect Himself in our existence. (It's important to note that not only men were created in God’s image, but rather, men and women were created in the image of God.) This is a beautiful truth to reflect on whenever we are being hard on ourselves.
When we meditate on Genesis 1:27, we come to the knowledge that we are loved just as we are. God created us because He dearly loves us. Since this is true, we can turn our self-hate into self-love. Just as God loves us, we need to love ourselves. Now, loving ourselves and accepting who we are doesn't condone selfish living. We don't get to be who we want when we want simply because we want. We are still called to follow God's ways, which is part of loving ourselves. The more we align ourselves with who God called us to be, the more we are confident in our purpose.
Meanwhile, it's important to understand the negative effects of self-hate. Due to my intense self-hate, I have struggled with an eating disorder for years. Through therapy, I have learned that self-hate was the exodus of my eating disorder. This is why we need to turn to God and what He says rather than the world, ourselves, or even our loved ones. In God, we can find true self-love and self-acceptance.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you l because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14
While most people are familiar with Psalm 139:13-14, they overlook the importance of how God created our inmost being. Once again, through God’s creation of us, we can see how much He loves us. Since God knitted us together in our mother’s womb, we should treat ourselves with the same attentive tenderness. This reminds us to take care of the body God gave us, tending to what's best for our heart, body, and mind.
Through this passage, we also see David proclaiming he is fearfully and wonderfully made. This is true for us as well. We are fearfully and wonderfully made because we were designed by God. God’s works are wonderful and, similar to David, we would be wise to embrace this revelation. The more we embrace the beauty of our very beings, the less headspace we will have for negative thinking.
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
Today, beauty is sold to us as a harmful (and cunning) lie. Expensive jewelry, designer clothes, and weekly salon trips are the things that make us “beautiful” according to the world. If we don’t look a certain way, have special clothes, or have certain cosmetic enhancements, we are "lacking". However, this is not true because we are complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10).
Additionally, the Bible tells us that our beauty comes from the inside—the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Once we know this, we can better equip ourselves to fight against self-hate. What makes us beautiful is our hearts, not how often we get a pedicure or facial. Just as God doesn’t see our worth based on our facial features or body type, neither should we.
Friends, it's time to let go of self-hate and start embracing God’s definition of beauty.
“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’” Jeremiah 31:3
We are not very kind to ourselves when self-hate lives in our hearts, so we must lean on God’s kindness. As Jeremiah 31:3 tells us, He has loved us with an everlasting love and He has drawn us with unfailing kindness. Allow your heart to take joy in the promises of the Lord. We have sinned and fallen short in every way, yet God still loves us (Romans 5:8).
With the love that God has extended to us, we need to extend it to ourselves. Moreover, we also need to extend His unfailing kindness to ourselves. Rather than beating ourselves down and making ourselves feel awful, we should reflect on the Lord’s words. God loves us, and His kindness will keep us warm on the days when self-hate leaves us bitterly cold.
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Self-hate is a form of weakness because none of us feel strong when we are hating ourselves. When self-hate overpowers us, we need to reflect on 2 Corinthians 12:9. In this passage, Paul shares with us the words of the Lord: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9a).
Just as the Lord’s power was made perfect in Paul’s weakness, it will also be made perfect in our own weaknesses. As we are leaning on God during this hard time, His power will be shown through our lives. God will remind us that we are dearly loved and chosen when self-hate starts escalating. It is a tragedy to feel so poorly about ourselves, yet it will bring about God’s power in our lives if we are willing to accept the truth that He calls us worthy, beloved, and chosen.
Turn to God during this time and allow Him to transform your heart. May we proclaim with Paul, “I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9b). It is a beautiful thing to be blessed with the power of Christ at our weakest. His grace is sufficient—keep trusting in Him.
In this must-listen episode of Compared to Who?, Heather Creekmore and Dr. Tamara Rosier offer invaluable insights into navigating relationships with narcissists and understanding the crucial role of boundaries. In this episode, they discuss why boundaries are essential, understanding narcissistic behavior, and recognizing the different levels of toxic behavior. If this episode helps you navigate your body image questions in a helpful way, be sure to subscribe to Compared to Who? at Spotify or Apple Podcasts so you never miss an episode!
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/splendens