Broken hearts are hard to heal from. We can suffer from a broken heart for a variety of reasons. Many people believe we can only have a broken heart after the ending of a romantic relationship; however, many other things can give us a broken heart. The death of a loved one, the ending of a friendship, or moving away from our family can all break our hearts. Most of us have had a broken heart at some point during our lives and even if you haven’t, you are bound to have a broken heart at some point in your life.
The first time I remember having a broken heart was when our family dog passed away. I had been hurt many times before this, but this was the first time I truly felt my heart break. Our family dog had been with us for 12 years and took her final breath on a cold February morning. From there, things went downhill as my family had multiple personal issues, and then my mom passed away the same year in October. Within that year, my heart broke time after time.
Maybe you have also been through something similar and you were faced with back-to-back heartbreaks. If you have, know that you are not alone. There are many people who have also gone through the same as us. God is always beside us in our struggles, and He promises to never leave us, including in our heartbreak.
With this truth in mind, I want to share a sort of letter with you, encouraging you in this heart-shattering season.
When you deal with a broken heart, you have to be okay with feeling the pain. Feeling the pain of heartbreak is not pleasant, but we have to acknowledge the pain, sit with it, and allow it to pass in due time. The pain will not last forever. It will become weaker and it won’t have as much of a hold on you anymore. This is especially true if your heartbreak is concerning the end of a relationship or a friendship.
While these heartbreaks are painful, they will not endure as long as the death of a loved one. The ending of a relationship or a friendship is very hard, sad, and depressing, but you know your loved one is still alive. Maybe your past relationship did something really damaging to you, such as they cheated on you or you broke up on bad terms. Know that your pain is completely valid, but also know that this pain will pass.
If you dwell on it and keep thinking about it, it will only make the pain prolonged and hurt even more. Don’t do this to yourself. Instead, allow yourself to feel the pain and let it pass. Breakups can be really hard, and in no way should this be downplayed. The ending of a long-term relationship or a marriage can break your heart into a million pieces. Rest in the truth that Jesus is with you in your struggles and He will give you hope for the future.
It is heartbreaking to know that your long-term partner or spouse cheated on you, left you, or severely hurt you. These types of pains can take a long time to work through but know that it is important for you to feel the pain. Do not run from the pain. Meet the pain and allow it to pass. The pain probably will not disappear quickly, but it will ease up the more you allow yourself to acknowledge the pain, feel it, and grieve.
People often think grieving is reserved for those who pass away, but this is not true. You can grieve for your past relationship and all the memories you had with the person. Know that it is okay to take all the time you need. Nobody can rush you in your healing process. Take time to grieve, process your feelings, and accept the truth that you deserve to be whole and hopeful again.
Accepting the heartbreak is hard, yet it is important. Many people live in denial or try to act as though they are okay when they are not. You should not have to pretend to be okay when you are not. If someone has made you feel as though you have to pretend you are okay when you are not, that is not right. You never need to fake your feelings nor do you need to bury your feelings deep inside you.
Instead, you should be able to feel your feelings and accept what has happened. I personally have lived quite some time in denial of my heartbreak because I wanted to pretend that the situation that caused my heartbreak didn’t exist. This is not a healthy coping mechanism because you are only lying to yourself. Rather than lying to yourself and acting as though you are okay when you are not, talk with others about your pain.
Consider getting into therapy and sharing your feelings with a therapist. If therapy is not an option for you right now, talk to a trusted loved one about your heartbreak and how it is affecting you. A true friend or a family member will be there for you and give you all the support you need. Be honest in your feelings and don’t be afraid to cry. Your friend or family member knows what you have gone through and they will not be afraid of tears.
Tears are to be expected after heartbreak because it is a very traumatic thing to occur. Part of accepting the truth that you are not okay is also accepting the need to heal. Healing will only come after you have accepted the heartbreak. In other words, you cannot move forward in your life unless you come to terms with what has happened: your heart is broken and in no way did you deserve this. The pain you are experiencing is part of living in a fallen world, in which people do bad things, and often, we are the ones who get hurt when they do bad things.
While we did not do the bad thing ourselves, it is within our responsibility to choose to start moving past it. Healing will come when we allow ourselves to move forward. Whether your heartbreak is due to the end of a long-term relationship, the ending of a friendship, or the death of a loved one, know that healing is possible. It is important to know that healing does not mean you will be completely freed of flashbacks of the good and bad times or thinking about this person, but it does mean you can move forward in your life.
The ending of a friendship is painful because you will remember all the fun times you shared together. The ending of a relationship is also painful because you remember all of the love you shared. Furthermore, the death of a loved one is painful as well because you remember all of these things and know that you can no longer call them, text them, or talk to them again in this lifetime. Validate your feelings and know that whatever you are feeling right now is okay.
Heartbreak is painful and not something that can easily be swept away. Take your time in the healing process and don’t push yourself too fast. Extend love, grace, and mercy to yourself. Treat yourself kindly and don’t allow the heartbreak to impact you to the point that you try to hurt yourself. If you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself, go to the nearest emergency department or call the Suicide Hotline at 988.
There are many great things in your future, but you have to be around to see them. Heartbreaks can cause us to do drastic things; however, we need to be able to calm ourselves down in these situations or seek out professional help. If your heartbreak ever causes you to resort to desperate measures, contact a friend, call the Suicide Hotline, or stay with family. Remember, you are never alone, and things will get better.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
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