Caregiving is a burden of love, but the burden can still feel hard. Patients with Alzheimer’s can be very difficult at times. You know in your head that it is only because of the illness that they are doing these things, but it’s still frustrating to know what to say and do. You try not to be angry with the patient because it’s not their fault. The illness causes frustrating behaviors. But it’s easy to mix up the illness with the patient because they are in the same place.
You need to accept this burden of love and give all the feelings related to it to the Lord at regular intervals. When you do this, the Lord will take care of you and help you deal with each situation that comes up. Also, consider that this trouble is an opportunity to test your faith, and therefore endurance grows stronger in your character (James 1:2-3).
As 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us, do these three things continuously: 1) Always be joyful, 2) never stop praying, and 3) be thankful in all circumstances. The situations the Lord brings across your path in life are His will for you. He will help you be faithful and serve Him well in all these tasks. He will never tire of you asking for His help.
Here are 5 helpful truths about loving through Alzheimer’s.
Strive to make life fun and joyful for you and the patient. Get outside with them as much as possible. Take walks. Visit farms, mountains, beach areas, etc. God’s beautiful creation has a way of cheering up everyone no matter what they’re going through. When something makes them laugh or smile, take note and duplicate that situation again. Sometimes they will be quiet because they may not be comprehending the situation at hand, but when they do talk, pay close attention. They may share genuine memories that you never knew about before. Memories of their young adult, teenage, and childhood adventures may come to their mind. Treasure those conversations in your heart.
When things they say don’t make sense, try not to argue with them. It’s natural to want to get them to see the truth, but it won’t work that often. They may be seeing things from a perspective of a different era. It’s better to focus on what they seem to be feeling, not what they are saying. Prayer helps you with this step because you can’t always know what the patient is thinking or feeling. Pray for God to show you clues as to what they are longing for or fearing. It’s very common for them to ask to go home even when they are in the place where they are living. They are probably thinking of a previous home in their life where they felt safe and normal. Do what you can to make their current home feel like their old home.
Remember that, like everyone else in the world, most of all they want to feel loved, cared for, and safe. Arguing with them will never get this result. Love and kindness will. The often quoted 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 passage tells us what love is. Love is patient and kind. It doesn’t boast or get jealous. It’s not rude. It strives to not be irritable. Love keeps no record of wrongs. It forgives. Love doesn’t like unjust situations and rejoices when God overcomes them. A life of love never gives up or loses faith. It is always hopeful and endures through all circumstances.
Yes, living out the ways of love is the best way to thrive as a caregiver of someone with Alzheimer’s.
There will be times when you lose your temper. You may hear the same question over and over again and respond in an unloving way. Tell the patient you are sorry as soon as you realize your mistake. Then confess your sin to God. For if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all the wicked thoughts and deeds that come from our hearts (1 John 1:9).
Pray also for God’s help to keep you from succumbing to the temptation of losing your temper in the future because your spirit may not want to do wrong, but your body is often weak (Matthew 26:41).
Confess your weakness to give in to that temptation, but then also accept God’s promise of new mercies. Confession means that you are clean in God’s sight. His grace covers your weaknesses. God’s faithful love never ends. His mercies never cease and His faithfulness is great. His mercies are new each morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). This is often clear in a patient with Alzheimer’s because they usually forget your transgression. They will forget long before you forget. It’s easy to get down on yourself when you say the wrong thing. Confess your sin and let it go into God’s merciful hands.
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Alzheimer’s is a very difficult illness for everyone involved. Frustration comes easily for both the patient and the caregiver. You need to pray for compassion and patience for you. You also need to pray for comfort and peace for the patient.
No situation comes as a surprise to the Lord. He knows what the patient needs. He also knows what you need. He even knows how to work best on both sides. You can take God at His word and not worry about anything because you can pray about everything and you will experience peace that is beyond your understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).
Remember that Jesus said, “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). He meant in all situations, not just some of them. He wants to help you get through every trial of this life with your hope and faith growing stronger each step of the way.
Sometimes in a caregiving journey, you are so exhausted that you cannot think of words to pray to God. This is okay, too. Because the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. Even when we don’t have the words, He will take our unintelligible groanings and turn them into heartfelt words to God (Romans 8:26).
You can be thankful in this situation because you know the Lord is always with you. He will help you. You are doing His work by caring for someone who really needs your help and compassion. So, you can be strong and courageous, not fearful and discouraged, because God is with you wherever you go (Joshua 1:9).
The more you call on the Lord, the more you will feel His closeness to you. Continually search for the Lord in this and every situation and He will lend you His strength to overcome. The patient’s needs will be provided for by God, as well as your hands, but your needs will also be covered when you pray. It may feel like your own needs are being ignored while you desperately try to help another, but as you hold the patient’s hand, God is holding yours. God will cover your doubts with His hope and love. You are doing a good and noble thing and God honors that.
There will be troubled times when dealing with someone with Alzheimer’s, but there will also be lucid moments where they seem to remember a lot more things. There will be moments where they may not be clear about what’s going on, but they are still very calm and peaceful. At times, they seem to trust you to help them, even when they aren’t completely clear about who exactly you are. Something inside of them seems to know that they are loved and safe. Do everything you can to help them have those moments as much as possible.
Now may the Lord of peace give you His peace at all times in every situation. May the Lord be with you each step of your caregiving journey (2 Thessalonians 3:16).
Pray with me this prayer based on Psalm 23:
Dear Lord, As I walk on this often hard path, help me remember I am just a sheep in Your pasture and You are a very good shepherd. You provide for all my needs. You enable me to get rest when I need it. You show me beautiful things in your creation that soothe my exhausted soul. You renew my strength and always guide me. When I find myself in a dark valley, I will choose to not be afraid because I know You are with me. You protect and comfort me. You will bless me because I am attempting to help another person who is in need. Your goodness and love are greater than this trial I’m walking through. I thank You that You will be with me forever. Amen.
One final note: Remember that caregiving is a sacred, God-given task. Caring for people in their need is a privilege and God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life (i.e. plans) for one’s friends (John 15:13 NLT).
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