When I allow God to fill the void in my life rather than trying to fill that void with temporary pleasures that only numb the pain I feel, I achieve peace and feel more fulfilled in my life.
The year 2020 turned out to be hard for me, one of the hardest of my life. Ever since I was a kid, I have always struggled with anxiety. I found coping skills that kept that anxiety in control for most of my life. But financial woes, work-related tensions, and other factors caused me to start feeling anxious all the time that year. At first, my panic attacks occurred sporadically, lasting only a couple of minutes. It felt like waves of fear. At first, I could control it, but the more difficulties were thrown at me, the more they morphed into panic waves that lasted all day long. I woke up panicked and went to bed panicked. I would lie in bed with my watch on, and the app that has the heart rate would measure my heart beating out of my chest. Resting heart rate: 129, 139, 140, this is the heart-attack range!
The anxiety got so bad I stopped functioning normally. After many months of counseling, she recommended I see a psychologist, I knew I was at the end of myself. As I stared at the ceiling one night in my bed, thoughts raced through my head:
What is happening?
Is this really my life?
Who do I have to help me navigate through this tough season?
During this time, I had lost hope. I believed God was done with me. I thought God could never use me again—not in my ministry, not in life, nothing. My circumstances were dictating my hope in God. Once my health got too difficult to handle, my hope immediately hit rock bottom. I had gotten tired, and that weariness made me lose hope in everything—including God. I lost faith so quickly that I couldn’t see a way to fix my problem on my own. However, while I couldn't fix the problem, I could implement new habits that would curate healthy results for my heart and mind.
Letting Go
First, I let go of the things I couldn't control. One of the enemies of being able to adapt to difficult circumstances is control. Being a type-A control freak, I'd like to have all my ducks in a row when it comes to my life. But when life throws me a curveball, it's difficult to adapt. When I embrace the reality that I couldn't control certain things, it gave me hope and peace that things would turn out okay. I was able to surrender every part of my life to God, even the most difficult parts that I wanted to control so things could go my way.
Asking for Help
Second, I asked for help. When my health became too difficult to manage, I asked for help from professionals, including counselors, psychologists, and other people who were trained to help during these difficult situations. Even when the situation is at its worst, there's always hope that you can always find help. There's no shame in getting help. Everyone faces difficulties in life, sometimes those difficulties become too overwhelming to manage by yourself. I do love myself enough to phase the reality that I had changes I had to make in my life to adapt to this new way of living. Regardless of the situation you are in right now: job loss, divorce, death of a loved one's health crisis, there are always professionals trained in this area who can offer help when needed. Take advantage of the help that's out there, and watch as God works on your behalf.
My church poured out their love to me in cards and texts and flowers and prayers when they found out I was ill. Most surprising though, were the stories. So many people came to me and said they had struggled with a similar mental illness or knew someone who had. There was very little judgment, which I was afraid of. People’s kindness made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without my church body! They renewed my strength in ways I never imagined because I chose to place my hope in God, and he increased my strength through their kindness and tangible gifts. This gave me hope that God was with me. He hadn’t forgotten me, and he had placed around me understanding people who knew what I had gone through and were able to encourage me when I was weak.
This is something Moses benefited from when Aaron and Hur lifted up his hands when he was weak. Exodus 17:11-12 says, “As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.” People in my church are the people who lift our hands during our toughest battles. When they do that for us, we will more than likely return the favor to them when they are going through a tough time as well.
Crying Out to God
Third, I cried out to God. Even on my worst days, it is comforting to know I can always cry out to a God who loves me unconditionally. I am never alone, no matter what situation I am facing. God is there for me, and he will provide comfort, provision, and encouragement when needed most. God craves intimacy for me. He desires my fellowship. A part of achieving intimacy with God is crying out to him with my deepest pain, hurts, and desires. When I allow God to fill the void in my life rather than trying to fill that void with temporary pleasures that only numb the pain I feel, I achieve peace and feel more fulfilled in my life. Despite the difficult circumstances you may be facing, God is always there. He desires your fellowship just as he desires my fellowship. Cry out to him, and you will feel him closer to you than ever before.
Accepting Reality
Fourth, accept reality. When facing difficult circumstances, it is best not to stuff the feelings and emotions associated with loss, but rather grieve them appropriately. There are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages are not linear. It is normal to bounce back and forth between the stages. But it is important for your overall wealth, health, and well-being to accept the reality of what you've lost. Then you can adapt and live with the normal given to you.
Life is hard, but it doesn't have to be hopeless. No matter what you are feeling right now, life will get better because God uses time to help heal wounds. Although your life may never be the same as it once was, you may find, in some ways, it is better than it ever was. Or, you may find that you are better than you ever were. Find hope in God. Rest in his timing, his sovereignty, and his provision, and he'll never let you down. Learn to pivot by embracing the reality of grieving the loss and crying out to God, and eventually, you'll be able to live life with a new sense of normal.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Jim Wilson
