... in time, God will place within our path people with whom we can enjoy intimacy, both with each other and with him.
It had been a tough season. Despite any efforts to help our church become more missional in their expressions of God’s love and make disciples within the body, it was time for our season in that ministry to be done. We created opportunities for church members to volunteer in the local community and donate to local organizations, offering extra clothing and supplies to people in need. Yet, none of it seemed to matter. After many years of these efforts, we concluded it was time to let someone else assume the leadership position. Like a boxer in a boxing match, weary, exhausted, and ill-equipped to fight the enemy, the last blow in round ten was enough to knock us out.
We needed rest and restoration. Jesus, like a loving boxing trainer, scooped us up and brought us to the side of the ring. He healed our wounds and gave us the rest we needed before heading into a new season of ministry. In the same way, Elijah experienced this same level of attendance to his physical needs before embracing a new season God was calling him to. In 1 Kings 19:3-5, God allowed Elijah a chance for rest after Queen Jezebel called for his killing: “When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.”
We all need God to care for our physical well-being after we’ve been through a tough season of emotional trauma. Sometimes it’s the little things we can do for ourselves that give our souls the care they need. Never underestimate the power of a nap and a good meal!
For a season, God took us out of ministry so we could heal. While we missed being in leadership, that time away was like the salve we needed to bind our broken hearts. If you, like me, have gone through church hurt, there's hope. Although God may call you to have a season where you remove yourself from church culture just to heal, God does not want us to stay that way. Hebrews 10:25 states, “Do not give up the habit of meeting together as someone there in the habit of doing…” To create emotional, mental, and physical wellness, we must process through church hurt.
Here's how I learned to do some of that:
Do It in Community
We were never meant to do life alone. God himself even exists in three persons—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Ever since the creation of man, we've been commanded that man should not be alone. Yet, in this technologically advanced, isolated world in which we live, the enemy's biggest trick is to keep us alone. He can bombard us with his lies. Those lies in our minds that go unchecked can be the fodder for hurt and pain that will keep us from living a life of freedom. Look within your local church to people who know you. Who can you trust to help you process your issue? Find people who are for you, who want the best for you, and who are not unwilling to speak truth into your life even when it hurts.
Look Deep Within
As Christians, we often simply look at the surface issue of a problem. Rarely do we look at the deeper issue that may surround the hurt. Partner with someone whom you trust to help you process your pain. This may also require you to hire a professional. Whatever the case may be, meet with someone regularly to process the heaviness. First, state the actual issue. What happened? What were the feelings and emotions surrounding it? Once that's complete, listen and allow the partner to speak to possible issues surrounding this problem. Often, this current church hurt may be a trigger for past emotional trauma that has gone unprocessed. God is unearthing and bringing to light this pain so it can be resolved healthily for you to live the life of freedom Christ wants for us.
Journal
Journaling is a great way to unleash your pain. I am not someone who likes to journal. However, even someone like me who dislikes it can use bullet points to write down everything that they're feeling and thinking. I first asked myself, “What's the problem?” Second, I asked myself, “How do I feel?” More than likely, emotions like fear, anger, or sadness are surrounding that problem. Third, I consult Scripture to anchor my thoughts on the truth of God's Word rather than the lie society heaps on me. Sometimes I will buy a journal simply to write about the problem at hand. When I have given it over to God, forgiven the people who need to be forgiven, and asked the Lord to lift the weight of the emotions off me, I throw the journal away. It's my symbolic act of leaving that situation for the cross and allowing God to handle it.
Believe in Justice
I've been through many difficult church situations. I have left those situations feeling like life was unfair. If the other party didn't extend forgiveness, ask for reconciliation, or even move on from their part in this situation, it felt as if the situation was unfair. Yet, I've had many Christian friends tell me God is a just God. God says, “Vengeance is mine” and that I am not the one to seek out justice in a vengeful way (Deuteronomy 32:35). God in His sovereignty will serve justice when He sees fit. I may not see that justice here on earth, but I must trust that God will do what's best in that situation for each party involved.
Move On
Dr. Henry Cloud’s book Trust gives practical tips and strategies for how to move on from past hurt. It also offers wisdom for deciding whether an offender deserves your trust and how to set healthy boundaries to receive healing and reconciliation. Although it is good for you to move on from the church hurt, having many unreconciled relationships in your life can cause stress and tension that is unnecessary. Pray and ask God to give the same healing and reconciliation to the offender. Pray and ask for reconciliation when appropriate. There will be times when reconciliation is not available or even possible, but with God, all things are possible. Hand those people over to God and watch him move. Even if you never see reconciliation in this lifetime, we are called to bless our enemies. Pray for them and ask God to grant them mercy in the grace he has extended to you.
Life is full of hurt. No matter what stage of life we may find ourselves in, there will be times when people let us down. It may be difficult to trust others again. But in time, God will place within our path people with whom we can enjoy intimacy, both with each other and with him.
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