If you are suffering from anorexia or another eating disorder, you are not alone, God is with you, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Anorexia is a word that can cause anxiety to rise in a person’s veins. Some people are aware of this mental condition, while others have erroneous beliefs surrounding this diagnosis. If you are suffering from anorexia or another eating disorder, you are not alone, God is with you, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Understanding Anorexia
Anorexia nervosa is a mental disorder characterized by a distorted view of one’s body, restriction of calories, excessive exercise, an intense fear of gaining weight, and low self-esteem (“Anorexia Nervosa,” NEDA, 2021). Anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation are normally co-occurring problems within anorexia. Many people have wrong beliefs surrounding anorexia, such as believing people who struggle with anorexia are vain individuals. This could not be further from the truth as most individuals who struggle with anorexia are kind-hearted, self-sacrificing, and compassionate to others.
Another myth of anorexia is that an individual has to be extremely underweight and cachexic in order to be diagnosed with anorexia. This is not true as anybody can suffer from anorexia despite their weight or gender. Many people who struggle with anorexia are underweight; however, other people who struggle with this disorder are at a normal BMI or are overweight according to the BMI scale. As a side note, the BMI calculator is outdated and should not be used as a proper indicator of a person’s health (Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite, More Than a Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament, 2020).
There are many other ways for a person’s health to properly and accurately be measured besides the number on the scale, such as their blood pressure, heart rate, and other lab values (Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite, More Than a Body: Your Body Is an Instrument, Not an Ornament, 2020). Therefore, any person can struggle with anorexia—no matter what a person’s weight is, gender is, or their age. In the same way, men can equally struggle with anorexia despite many people believing only women struggle with this illness.
Anorexia can feel like a monster is in your mind at times. There is an ongoing inner battle going on within the individual that never rests. For those who do not personally struggle with this disorder, it can be hard for them to fully understand what a person goes through in the midst of their eating disorder. I personally know what it feels like to struggle with anorexia as I have suffered from this illness for ten years. While I am on the road to recovery now, I do not see myself fully recovered as I still suffer from anxiety around food, body dysmorphia, and self-hatred. As I previously stated, many people believe eating disorders are rooted in vanity; however, I can assure you from my own personal experience with anorexia that I never struggled with vanity. In fact, it was the exact opposite.
I struggled with self-loathing and I was wasting away as a way to disappear. I struggled in middle school as I was teased for being overweight and deemed “the fat girl” by the mean girls at school. If you went to a public middle school, you know how mean girls can be. The constant teasing and hurtful words that were spoken to me caused a scar that started the manifestation of my anorexia. In addition to being picked on and bullied at school, I never felt good enough for my parents, and I always felt like a failure. All of these ingredients combined together caused anorexia to flourish in my mind, which soon resulted in my weight dropping at dangerous weights over the course of my teenage years.
During the entire process as a teenager, I never received help. After all, I did not see that I truly had a problem. In the same way, many people who struggle with anorexia do not see it as a “problem” until they become dangerously thin, and even at times, many sufferers do not even see the severity at these desperate times. Anorexia can cause death in adolescents and adults alike. Nobody is immune to the devastating effects that anorexia can have on the body. The most extreme effect that can happen to a person struggling with anorexia is death; however, there are other health consequences of this disorder, such as cardiovascular issues, gastrointestinal difficulties, neurological complications, anemia, and reproductive issues (“Health Consequences,” NEDA, 2021).
Anorexia is not a “lifestyle,” but rather a mental illness that needs proper medical care and support from loved ones. As I stated previously, I have struggled with anorexia most of my life, yet it was not until April 2020 that I actually acknowledged I had a problem. I was at the lowest weight I had ever been at in my life and I was tired of the constant obsession over food and the constant restrictions it had over my life. When I told my sister that I thought I had an eating disorder, I was met with an unusual surprise: my sister already knew I had been struggling with anorexia and she had spent years praying that I would come to realize the severity of my illness. Naturally, she was happy that I was going to take steps to recovery. I had already accepted Christ as my personal Savior many years before this; however, I know for a fact that I would not be where I am today if Jesus was not with me.
Recovering with Jesus
Once I decided that I was going “all in” with recovery, I quickly discovered that recovery is tough. I thought the tough part was admitting you had a problem; however, it turns out, the hardest part is each day of recovery. To constantly battle those never-ending negative thoughts as you nourish your body is exhausting. Anorexia thoughts such as “you’re a failure,” “you’re a fat pig,” or “do you know how many calories you just ate? You’ll be huge by the end of the week” constantly plagued my mind. I had these negative thoughts before entering recovery, yet they seemed to get extremely stronger and louder in my head as I actively challenged these negative thoughts.
During the course of my ongoing recovery, I constantly take my thoughts to Jesus and ask Him for His help, strength, and guidance. God’s Word tells us we are each wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:13-16); however, that was extremely hard for me to believe, especially with anorexia always telling me otherwise. I have had to make the intentional decision to not care what other people think or what I even think about myself. All that matters is what God says and He says I am wonderfully made—flaws and all (Psalm 139:13-16).
Paul taught me the importance of taking every thought captive and surrendering it to Jesus (2 Corinthians 10:5). I am a work in progress, but I know that God will shower me with His endless mercy, love, and grace. If you are going through the same struggles, rest assured that you are not alone. Look up to heaven and call on the help of the Lord. He will boldly walk alongside you as a roaring lion until all of those negative thoughts that anorexia screams at you will finally diminish and fade away. There is light at the end of the tunnel. That light is Jesus.
Each day will be hard if you choose recovery, but it is always worth it. It takes a strong person to acknowledge they have a problem and it takes great courage, bravery, and gumption to continue throughout the recovery process. There have been numerous times when I wanted to give up, yet Jesus is always there to turn my focus back to Him. In your own process toward recovery, Jesus is the only One who truly understands everything that is going on in your head. He knows the anxiety, the pain, and the depression that can stir within your soul. Jesus comes to us as we are. We do not have to recite eloquent prayers and say “the right things” in order for Him to be with us.
The Lord knows you need His help; He delights to take up your burdens on His back, and He will carry them (1 Peter 5:7). Even in the wake of an eating disorder, God can help you. He died for you and me to have an abundant life (John 10:10). He did not die in order for us to live a life of restriction, self-hatred, and guilt. Jesus died in order for us to truly live and make a difference for Him. If you are struggling today, turn to Jesus, pour your heart out to Him, and He will lift you up.
Photo Credit: © Unsplash/Jennifer Burk
