When I believe that the cross is sufficient for my sin, I can accept myself fully and forgive myself for the areas of life in which I have failed.
As a kid, I was always picked on for my height. As a baby, I was born prematurely, weighing in at a whopping two pounds sixteen ounces. Doctors weren't even sure I was going to make it. All throughout school, I was made fun of because I was so short. Being short presents some physical limitations. For many years, this served as a struggle for me. I struggled with why I couldn’t do the same things other people could. It was difficult to think that God limiting me might be His intention for me to lean on Him.
Over the years, however, I have learned to accept myself. Regardless of what other people think or feel about me, I've learned to not compare myself to others. Rather, I keep myself focused on the assignments God has for me. This is not as easy for everyone. We live in a competitive, works-based world. Rarely do we find people who accept us for who we are, right where we're at. We must learn to accept ourselves so that other people's opinions do not shape us in a negative light.
Here are some ways I've learned to accept myself:
I Anchored Myself to the Word
Although I did not become a Christian till the age of 18, it was then that I started reading my Bible. I quickly realized the Bible was not just a list of dos or don'ts. Rather, it was God's love letter to me. Paul's letters are rich with promises from God. God is clear on who He says we are and how He sees us. Paul, one of the ultimate sinners in society's eyes, was able to learn to accept himself and God's grace for his life.
In the same way, I've had to learn to accept my failures, faults, and weaknesses and exchange them for the unconditional love of the Father. Although I had a good earthly father who helped me accept God's love, reading about God's love throughout the Scriptures and memorizing those verses have helped me in difficult times when other people heaped unhealthy expectations on me.
I Avoid the Trap of Comparison
Although social media does not help in this manner, I've had to learn to stop worrying about what my other friends are doing. This is especially true when I'm waiting on a book contract. As an author, work comes when publishers accept an idea that you have. This can take months—or even years. When I'm in a period of waiting on God, it is easy for me to look at other people's social media feeds and believe God loves them more than me. This creates lies in my mind that are difficult to reject.
However, I've had to learn to avoid reading other people's feeds and accomplishments when I'm feeling down. I instead look at various index cards of positive verses that I've placed around my home. When I avoid the trap of comparison, I feel better about where I am in life and how I have stewarded my time and resources. When I look back on my time in my career, I can honestly say I have stewarded well what God has given me. When I can accept where I am in life, it helps me avoid the trap of comparison.
Supercede Expectations
People's expectations are one of the most difficult things to avoid. Regardless of how you serve, people have expectations from the people who've gone before you about who you are or who you are supposed to be. Yet, God does not put those same expectations on us. When I understand that I am uniquely wired to do what only I can do, I'm able to avoid insurmountable expectations. I focus on the uniqueness with which God has given me, not people's approval or disapproval of my actions.
Love Myself
Society loves to tell people to love themselves and not judge themselves too harshly. However, part of how I love myself is to push myself to make (and meet) certain goals. I do not make these goals to be better than someone else. Rather, it helps me know that I'm utilizing my time wisely. When I know I have stewarded my time well, it is easy for me to take time to care for myself. Whether that's time to relax, rest, or engage in recreation, I know that rest is an integral part of my overall well-being. When I can accept my failures, weaknesses, and flaws and know that God's blood covers it all, it's easier for me to accept myself. In these moments, I trust that God's grace and love cover any mistakes made in life. When I believe that the cross is sufficient for my sin, I can accept myself fully and forgive myself for the areas of life in which I have failed.
Love Others
The best way I can love myself is to love others. When I take the focus off myself and focus on serving others, I feel better about myself. Not to say that service is a way to feel good about myself but rather to know that I am fulfilling the gospel message by helping others and serving them. I recently watched the memorial service of a professor from a college my husband attended. During the service, many people commented on how well this person represented God by loving others, his family, his wife, and his students. This was evident through everything he did. He often sacrificed time and resources to help others. Additionally, this person was authentic, knew who he was, and was able to accept himself for who he was. He never bowed to others’ expectations of what a Christian should look like.
I found this trait admirable as I learned more about this professor. It inspired me to sacrifice my time for others in service to them. I am learning to ask myself daily, “Who can I bless today?” and “How can I bless them?” Is it a note? An e-mail or phone call? A hug? God put me on this earth for a reason. In this season, God has placed certain people in my path. In what ways will I be able to serve and love them to better represent Christ?
Self-acceptance is sometimes closely associated with New Age ideas. However, God wants us to love ourselves in the same way that we love others. This is not a false religion. Rather, it’s a tangible expression of the one true God. Ephesians 5:29-31 says, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church…”
When we love ourselves (and others) with the same level of care and concern as God, we are demonstrating His love for us. It is then that we can love others out of the love we have for ourselves. We cannot love others unless we love ourselves. When we learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves—flaws, weaknesses, and all—we can be the best representatives of Christ.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Radu Florin
