We wouldn't know the beauty of having someone comfort us if we never needed comforting.
It feels like just yesterday. The day my heart was broken in two, shattered into a million scattered pieces on the floor. My attempts to pick up the fragments were failed attempts. All that did was cause more wounds, more scars. Inches of sliced shards split my soul from my spirit.
I was utterly and deeply lost.
Fourteen years ago, I lost a part of my identity. I no longer knew who I was, what I was made for, or what I was experiencing. When my relationship with my dad went from best friends to enemies overnight, I was distraught. As my siblings coped by delving into more serious and troubling addictions, controlling the food I ate and the way I cared for my body came naturally. The funny thing is, I wasn't caring for the temple Christ gave to me; I was depriving it to the point of death.
For the next decade, I would watch my once-stable family crumble before my eyes. Slamming doors and horrendous shouts were the soundtrack of my "Christian home." Teardrop after teardrop was sowed on the wooden oak floors of my bedroom. But the more I clung to the habits that I thought would make me safe, the more unsafe I became.
By twenty-one, I was still living in this unhealthy environment. God freed me of my struggles, but the struggles of those I lived with still surrounded me. I'd found new ways to cope, new ways to eat right and exercise well, but I didn't know how to help those who were hurting.
How do you have a relationship with someone who is hurting you?
How do you have a relationship with someone who is hurting themselves?
How do I respect my parent but protect myself from their verbal abuse?
How do I love my brothers but protect myself from their danger?
How do I see the good in a situation so painfully bad?
These were questions I wrestled with then and wrestle with now. Though I still don't have all the answers, God has been teaching me over the last decade. He's been teaching me what it means to love your family even when they're hurting you. He's been teaching me what it means to love myself so that I may fully love others. He's been teaching me that what the enemy meant for evil, God can and will use for good (Genesis 50:20). The tragedies I've experienced weren't good, but I'm grateful for a good God who can turn those tragedies into good things.
Can He Turn It Around For Good?
The introduction to the Sermon on the Mount lists eight beatitudes, but I want to draw your attention to one in particular: "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Mathew 5:4 NLT).
If you're anything like me, I've read the Beatitudes hundreds of times. Most of these statements encourage us to have a heavenly mindset as we encounter earthly endeavors. Verse four, however, proposes something slightly different. Instead of immediately looking toward heaven, we're asked to see the beauty of mourning.
I would guess that most of us don't like mourning. And while grief is a normal and necessary part of life, no one longs to cry for hours on end without relief. No one longs to mourn, be sad, or shed tears. Likewise, no one enjoys being hungry, thirsty, poor, or in need of comfort. The good news is this: We wouldn't know the beauty of rain, food, water, and comfort without our deepest need. We wouldn't know the beauty of having someone comfort us if we never needed comforting.
A Shift in Mindset
Embracing this shift in mindset won't take our mourning away. Scripture tells us that there is a time to mourn and a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3:4-5), just as there is a time for every season, plan, and purpose under the Heavens (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2). The comfort in mourning isn't found without mourning. The comfort in mourning is found in knowing that despite our mourning, despite our tears, heartbreak, and deepest sorrows, we have Someone who will comfort us.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that God is the source of all comfort.
John 14:26 reminds us that the Holy Spirit, who lives within us, is our Comforter.
Psalm 46:1-3 affirms that God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in great times of trouble.
Psalm 42:11 says that God hears us when we cry, and He will rescue us.
Psalm 56:8 notes that God keeps track of every single tear we shed.
Isn't it good to know that what we sow in tears, we will someday reap in joy? Psalm 126:5-6 (NLT) boldly declares, "Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest."
This Isn't Ignorant Bliss
Reminding ourselves of these truths isn't ignorant bliss. I'm not encouraging quick fixes, denial, rejection, invalidation, or disapproval of the hardships you've encountered. I'm also not saying that every horrible thing you've encountered in this life is a good thing in disguise.
What I am saying is that what the enemy meant for evil, God can and will use for good (Genesis 50:20). We live in a fallen world. Bad things happen to good people daily. I don't need to convince you that this earth is not as God intended for it to be. But friend, be encouraged. The comfort of mourning is available to us because our God knows what it's like to need comfort. And He gave His life for us so that we would never have to go without receiving that consolation and rest.
As Jesus is crucified for a crime He didn't commit, Matthew 27:45-50 records these words:
"Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, 'Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?' that is, 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' And some of the bystanders, hearing it, said, 'This man is calling Elijah.' And one of them at once ran and took a sponge, filled it with sour wine, and put it on a reed and gave it to him to drink. But the others said, 'Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to save him.' And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and yielded up his spirit" (ESV).
Though I was not there, I know this scene was horrific, heartbreaking, gruesome, and painful. God turned His back on His own Son for you and me. He and the Father encountered deep mourning for the sake of what was to come. God mourned for His Son to save us. Jesus mourned for us to save us.
-"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16, NIV). God loved the world. God sent His only son as a sacrifice out of His divine love for us. In the Old Testament, animals were given for sacrifices for sins so we could be made right with God. God sent Jesus to die for us so that the sacrifice was made once and for all. If we believe in Jesus, we now have eternal life because of this sacrifice.
-"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8, NIV). God sent Jesus to die for us while we were still enthralled with sin. While we cursed, spat on, and crucified Him, He chose to die for us in love. Jesus could've called down legions of angels to take Him off that cross, but He didn't. He didn't because He gave His life for yours.
-"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10). What love is this that God would send His only Son to die for us with the hopes that we might live through Him? Jesus died for those who would follow Him, and those He knew never would.
-"Then he said to them, 'My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me'" (Matthew 26:38, NIV). Jesus was overwhelmed to the point of death by the crucifixion that awaited Him.
In each of these verses, I'm in awe at the love God and Jesus showed us as human beings. Despite our sins and deepest flaws, Jesus chose to die for us. He endured grave mourning and pain for what was to come. In our deepest mourning and grief, let us mourn, but let us also look to what is to come. A time when pain, mourning, and our deepest sorrow will cease to exist. New things are soon to come.
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." Revelation 21:3-5 (ESV)
Agape, Amber
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