Our culture has come a long way in what they declare beautiful. In past generations, each decade would form an ideal female shape they deemed “most attractive”. It might be stick thin and willowy, it might be hour-glassed and curvy, or it might be toned and muscular—but regardless of the current preference, most women never seemed to fit the mold. Yet they would spend thousands of dollars and tears to try to get there.
Meanwhile, the world preyed on their vulnerability, creating various products to convince women they could achieve their goals if they’d simply purchase this product or attempt to work that program. It birthed an endless cycle of consumerism and greed, leaving a wake of women with horrible self-esteem.
Now, however, an entire movement has taken over, calling for the abrupt ceasing of body shame and diet culture. More and more social influencers are getting real and honest, posting before and after photos of the same moment while flexed and unflexed, in good lightning versus in bad lighting, and encouraging women to see that even those considered to be in ideal shape still have flaws, cellulite, skin rolls, and other realistic human components. They’re doing their part to normalize normal!
Yet, contradictions still exist. The same movement that wants women treated as equals in every way continues to objectify women through the promotion of pornography. Individual women in various platforms demand to be respected for their intellect and wit, yet post wildly sexual photos that only serve to highlight their physical form.
In a nutshell, the world is confused—because they’re not looking for the definition of beauty in the proper place. The Bible makes it clear what beauty is and isn’t.
Proverbs 31:30 (ESV) says, Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
For a large portion of my life, I fell for the lies of the world that whispered in my ears—and some days, shouted shamelessly from the rooftops—that I was too small here and too big there. That I needed to change my body frame to be attractive. That I never would be attractive without surgery to enhance this, or treatments to reduce that. I constantly compared myself to other women and came up short—or worse, came out prideful.
Some of this was enhanced due to trauma in my life from past toxic relationships, but at the end of the day, I’m responsible for what I believe. And I believed a lie for years.
Not long ago, I decided to get serious about losing weight, despite already being a healthy size. I joined a group that participated in a popular diet plan, and I was determined to “do it this time”. What the “it” was, I didn’t really know. I didn’t even have an end goal. I didn’t know anything other than this voice in my head telling me “I should”. So I did. And I lost ten pounds.
Then I had an awakening—I was miserable. I was denying myself fun moments with my family out of some unknown obligation to something invisible. I was counting and measuring everything I ate, obsessed with what I would get to eat next, and beating myself up for “cheating” (like there was a test).
Worse than that, I was projecting a bad self-image to my girls, both of whom were heading into their teen years and needed a positive body role model. One day my daughter said, “Just eat the ice cream, Mom.” And I did. And I realized there was no reason to feel any shame or regret for that decision. In fact, it was a decision worth celebrating.
I realized I was heading toward a problem and started reading the book Breaking Free of Body Shame by Jess Connolly, and it was a game-changer. She addressed all the issues in my heart, and I realized how I’d been living in bondage for far too long. Best yet, Connolly points all our body images back to Christ, rather than simply being positive for positivity’s sake. She found the missing puzzle piece to make it all stick—Jesus.
That’s when I began to find so much encouragement in Scripture in this area. I had to dig deep by first asking myself some basic questions. Who was I trying to please by torturing myself with some unrealistic attempt at perfection? My husband—who already thought I was beautiful and told me so regularly? My daughters—who also complimented me frequently? Social media? The world? My friends? Strangers on the street?
What a futile attempt. The world is confused, remember? We couldn’t impress it if we tried. And if we did manage to achieve that elusive goal, we wouldn’t be able to hang onto it, because culture would change their standard of beauty immediately thereafter.
I found it much more fulfilling to see what God said about me, instead. What did He think was beautiful? The Bible gives us plenty of examples, but some of my favorites are below. Here are five scriptures to retrain your brain on beauty.
Psalm 139:14 (ESV) I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
He made me wonderful—in His image. Just let that sink in for a moment. The God of all creation made you in His image. In comparison to this glorious truth, worrying about those extra pounds of “baby weight” or “freshman fifteen” don't matter, do they? Sometimes, the fastest way to freedom is by clinging to a new perspective.
1 Samuel 16:7 (ESV) But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
Thankfully, the Lord doesn’t look at my cellulite or chronic hives or forehead wrinkle or stretch marks to determine my worth. He looks at my heart. Our effort and time are much better spent in the sanctification of our hearts than the smoothing of our skin and the firming of our muscles. Easier said than done, but if you need to, print these verses and keep them handy by your mirror. Retrain your brain into the truth!
Matthew 6:28-29 (ESV) And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
I woke up a few Sundays ago and couldn’t find anything to wear that I hadn’t recently worn to church, or that was seasonally appropriate. Years ago, that would have brought me to a defeated ball of anxiety on the floor, but that day? I shrugged, looked at my dog, and said, “Thank goodness church isn’t about me” and threw something on. Sanctification in this area is a process, ladies—don’t give up!
1 Peter 3:3-4 (ESV) Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
This Scripture doesn’t mean you can’t braid your hair or wear those new earrings your husband got you for your anniversary. It simply means our beauty can’t be grounded here. The condition of our hearts matters so much more than the brand name of our clothing. Our gentle spirits are so much more beautiful than our flat stomachs or perky assets. Don’t get those confused as the world does. True beauty is from within—God says so. Case closed.
1 Timothy 2:9-10 (ESV) …likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.
The temptation is strong for women—even Christian women—to compete with their bodies to win the attention of the world. This goes back to a fear that lingers deep in women’s hearts, whispering “you’re not enough”. That whisper often drives Christian women to dress in a way they know they shouldn’t, post photos on social that aren’t glorifying God, or conduct themselves around men in a way that creates lust.
The best way to defeat this battle once and for all is to agree with that voice—you’re not enough. I’m not enough. But you know who is? Jesus Christ. Because of Christ and the Gospel, my identity is secure. My self-esteem can rest in being made in the Image of God. Because of Christ’s sacrifice, I’m redeemed and adopted and chosen.
And when a woman truly believes that in the depths of her soul, she’s never more beautiful.
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