Whatever the circumstance, a man or woman who is grieving loss during the “most wonderful time of the year” can benefit from the love and support of the people around them.
Our hearts are never fully prepared for the loss of a loved one. Over time, the grief that was once overwhelming becomes bearable, but during the holiday season, feelings of loss can reemerge and be amplified.
For those who’ve lost a spouse, the holidays can be a lonely time. The most special person in their life is no longer there, leaving an absence of special traditions that have likely been in place for many years. Now, decorating the Christmas tree, baking holiday treats, or driving the local neighborhoods to look at light displays feels very different.
Some have lost their life partner of 50 years and now feel disenchanted by the holiday season. Younger adults may have children for whom they need to put on a brave face. Whatever the circumstance, a man or woman who is grieving loss during the “most wonderful time of the year” can benefit from the love and support of the people around them.
If you’ve ever wondered what you could do to brighten the holidays for a widowed friend or family member, here are some practical suggestions to consider:
Help Them Decorate for Christmas
For many widows and widowers, getting ready to "deck the halls” without help can be physically and emotionally draining. Older adults might consider not bothering with it anymore. Younger adults might be overwhelmed by the responsibility and emotional anxiety of doing it alone. If a friend or loved one offers their support, it could make the tasks they used to do with a partner a lot less daunting and perhaps enjoyable.
Offer to take the person shopping for a Christmas tree. Haul the boxes of decorations out of storage and help set up everything. Decorating the home with familiar treasures can be a wonderful time of remembering. Ask where unique ornaments or figurines came from; each one may hold a special meaning. It’s not necessary to avoid speaking about the person they’ve lost. Most people who have been widowed want to talk about the loved one they’re missing so much. Don't be afraid to ask what their favorite Christmas tradition was or if they liked white or colorful lights.
Don’t forget about the outdoor lights and decorations. Not only is it safer to hang lights with someone else, but it’s also a lot more fun. There’s something about twinkle lights that lifts our spirits, and no one wants to be the only dark house on the block.
Spend Quality Time with Them
When you remember that the holidays can be a lonely time for someone who has lost their spouse, participating in a few of their annual traditions or including them in your own could go a long way towards lifting their spirits. Maybe it’s attending a performance of the Nutcracker or caroling in the neighborhood. Even something as simple as attending a children’s Christmas pageant could bring a smile to their face. There are also tacky sweater parties, live nativity scenes, and White Reindeer games they can participate in.
When you head out to shop for gifts, invite the widowed person along. It’s possible that right now, they lack the energy to do it alone. Christmas shopping is a lot more fun with a friend — plus, two heads are better than one when it comes to selecting gifts for children or grandchildren. When you’re finished, put on some Christmas music or a movie and wrap the gifts together.
Of course, you can't forget about the Christmas cookies. Many widows stop baking even though it may have been a favorite holiday tradition for years. After all, who will eat all those treats now? Host an afternoon of making and decorating Christmas cookies, and then have a treat exchange with others. Consider hosting a gingerbread house competition or donating baked goods to the local food pantry. Nostalgic holiday sweets warm the heart and are sure to brighten spirits.
Remember Them on Your Gift List
Nobody’s Christmas tree should be void of gifts underneath its branches. A widowed person may not have family close by or many friends who would think of buying them a gift. Depending on the individual’s circumstances, a practical gift might be the way to go. You could gift them a coupon book of chores you will do, like blowing their leaves, mowing the grass, or fixing the leaky faucet. Or, consider buying them a little extravagance they wouldn’t normally buy for themselves, such as a manicure, massage, or a gift card to go shopping.
If you have children, have them join you to deliver the gift in person. Children always bring a spark of joy to the holidays with their excitement, and a friendly face might be just what the grieving person needs.
When someone loses a spouse, everything about life as they’ve known it changes. Every. Single. Thing. And often, surmounting change is difficult to understand, let alone navigate. Grief is exhausting, and sometimes it’s just too difficult to make things “normal.” The holidays are an opportunity for us to walk alongside someone who is grieving and be there for them as they heal. Be creative, and you will bring joy both to the widows you know and to the Father, who loves you both.
In this season of joy and light amid a dark, weary world, may we pray for opportunities to engage those who are hurting, lonely, and anxious. And when Christ grants those opportunities, may we have the courage and compassion to take full advantage of loving others more than ourselves. After all, it's the season of giving, the time of perpetual hope.
For more on grieving during the holidays, whether you're mourning a loved one who has passed or a relationship that is severed, take a few moments to look at 7 Ways to Navigate the Empty Chair This Holiday Season, 100 Little Things to Be Thankful for When Your Heart is Heavy, Encouragement for Those Dreading the Holiday Season, and 10 Prayers to Get You Through Grief This Holiday Season.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Mira Kemppainen
Sheryl Gehrls has served in full-time ministry for more than 50 years. In 2019, after 50 years of marriage, Gehrls found herself in the unexpected role of widow. Gehrls founded Refocusing Widows, a ministry of Fresh Hope for Mental Health, when she discovered a need for faith-based, peer-led support groups that encouraged widows to embrace the grief process and discover God’s purpose for them in the next season of life.
