We often like to think that we are the ones in control when we hold onto our hurt and pain, but it is actually the hurt and pain that are in control.
The holidays can be a time to remember happy memories, or it can be a time to remember past hurts. For most of us, it can be a mixture of both. Especially as we get older and are not around our families as much, holidays can be times of quick tempers, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. Even with the best of families, there can be issues and hurt feelings by the end of the Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas celebration. This is why it is important to continue in our healing even during the holidays.
The Importance of Healing
If you are presently going through healing, you understand how difficult it can be. Healing doesn't happen overnight. Even if you forgive someone, it doesn't mean what they did is forgotten nor does it mean it doesn't hurt anymore. In actuality, the hurt can still cut deep even after forgiving the person who inflicted the hurt. This doesn't mean that the hurt will never heal, but it does mean the healing process might take some extra time.
Similar to you, I have been hurt by friends and family members more times than I can count. As much as I wish those occurrences never happened, they did and I can't run from that truth anymore. It is a sad reality, but our loved ones can hurt us. Oftentimes, their careless or hurtful words and actions hurt us far worse than other people's hurtful words and actions. It is important at these times to know that it is okay to grieve.
It is okay to grieve the relationship that didn't end up the way you thought it would be. It is okay to grieve that you never had the relationship you wanted with your mom. It is okay to grieve the loss of a friend. All of these reasons are valid to take time to grieve. Grieving is crucial to healing because none of us can heal without having time to grieve. Many people try to rush through the healing process and neglect a time to grieve. Even though grieving can be painful, it can be healing in and of itself.
God created our bodies wonderfully, and part of our bodies includes crying. After crying, we tend to feel better. Granted, it doesn't provide long-term fixes; however, it does make us feel better for the time being. It is hard to move past hurts during the holidays because seeing the people who once hurt you can bring back a lot of bad memories and unresolved hurt. If you are feeling unable to go to events this holiday season because of past bad experiences, know that is alright. Don't push yourself too far and don't go beyond your limits.
Healing is important and needs to take priority in your life even if that means not going to the Thanksgiving or Christmas celebration this year. Some wounds are too deep to try to work out in person, especially if they are still fairly new. In the same way, holiday functions can be equally difficult if you have gone through the ending of a relationship or a spouse passes away. It could be seeing all of your friends or family members with their significant others that could cause you to experience more hurt, sorrow, and pain.
Know your own limits, and if not going this year for holiday celebrations is what you decide, then this is perfectly okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with stepping down from a holiday celebration in order to work on your healing and preserve your own mental health. You can take the time to instead focus on healing, self-care, and moving forward. Never feel guilty for doing something that you need to do to preserve your well-being.
Moving Past the Hurt
Moving past the hurt can be difficult, yet we cannot fully recover from hurts unless we move past them. The more we give them power, the more control they will have over our lives. We often like to think that we are the ones in control when we hold onto our hurt and pain, but it is actually the hurt and pain that are in control. Moving on from past hurts is no easy task, yet it is possible. It is horrible to know the damage that others can inflict on us; however, we also have to be able to know that we have done the same thing in the past too.
Maybe we didn't do the same exact thing to someone that someone did to us, yet we are all still guilty of sin (Romans 3:23). All of us have hurt someone in the past, and it might be a hurt they have kept with them for so many years. When we are trying to forgive, heal, and move forward, we need to remember this truth. It doesn't mean what they did is okay, but rather, it shows us that all of us are guilty of hurting someone else at some point in time. None of us have gone through our lives without hurting someone else.
While this sounds negative, we cannot run from the truth. As fallen, sinful humans, we are capable of great evil. We are not overall "good people." Our hearts are evil–they are not good. All of the good that we do is only possible because of God. This leads us to knowing why we should move forward. We should move forward because of God. Because of His love, mercy, and forgiveness, we can move forward. We don't have to stay in a prison of hurt and pain.
Jesus died for us, and He has given us a new life in His Name. Within this new life, there is no time to stay lingering on hurts from the past. Your hurts from the past are completely valid; however, you don't need to allow them to control your life anymore. Take it from someone who has allowed hurts and pain from the past to control most of my life. There is only more hurt, more pain, and more problems. Jesus didn't die for us to have a life of misery. Rather, He longs for us to have a beautiful life.
The holidays are a time that reminds us of hurts, but we can use them as a time to make new memories. Yes, others have hurt us, but it is within our responsibility to forgive them as the Lord forgave us. It doesn't mean what they did is okay and it doesn't mean you have to continue a relationship with them, but it does mean that you are giving the situation over to God. This is what God wants us to do because true healing can only come when there has been genuine forgiveness. In the same way, moving forward can only happen if you are walking the path of forgiveness.
Healing will take time and know that there is not a timeline of how long your healing will take. Even if it might take years, it is worth all of the effort you put into it. Ask God for His help in your healing journey and ask Him to fill your heart with His love. God loves you, and He will help you in every way. He doesn't want you to spend your life in a state of pain. Instead, He wants you to be joyful and live a life of love. There is beauty and restoration in your future–just wait on the Lord.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Kerkez
