Wanting to have a spouse is nothing to be ashamed of, but I don’t want you to believe you are lacking by not having one.
Whenever Valentine's Day comes around, we are often reminded of what we don't have. If a person is single, they feel as though they are missing something. In the same way, if a person has a partner or a spouse, but this individual forgets about Valentine's Day or doesn't make it an elaborate celebration, they feel they are being forgotten or unloved. Sometimes, when it comes to relationships, marriage, and love, we can be let down in monumental ways.
Many people grow up with the ideology that marriage is what makes you complete and happy. Although there is no biblical evidence for this, it is promoted throughout Christian culture. This type of thinking can be detrimental because it is not true. Just because a person isn't married doesn't mean they cannot be happy, and just because a person is married doesn't mean they will be happy all the time. The idea that marriage completes a person has no Scriptural proof nor does it align with the teachings of Christ.
Wrestling with Feelings of Inadequacy
Without a doubt, a person can feel inadequate when Valentine's comes around and they are alone. Maybe this is your first Valentine's alone or maybe you have been alone every Valentine's Day. In either case, it can be painful and make you feel as though you are not good enough. Though the pain is completely valid, do not feed the lies.
As someone who has fed into the feelings of inadequacy and not being good enough, I don't recommend it. Feeding into these detrimental lies can leave us feeling terrible about ourselves, eating away at our self-view. Rather than allowing this to happen, we need to know that our worth is found in Jesus. It is not found in a relationship, marriage, or family. It is only found in Jesus.
We have to base our worth on Jesus rather than the things of this world. If we base our worth on other things, our worth will not be steady. However, if we base our worth on Jesus, we will be more confident in the people He created us to be. Continuing to feed into feelings of inadequacy and the idea of not being good enough will derail us from the life God has called us to. We must listen to what He says rather than the world, the culture, and even ourselves.
You Are Complete
The Apostle Paul tells us, “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority” (Colossians 2:9-10). As Paul clearly states here, we have been brought to fullness in Christ. This means we are not lacking anything. Whether you are married or not, single or in a relationship this Valentine’s Day, you are complete in Christ.
Being complete means you are whole. Often, we are told that we cannot be whole without a partner, but we have already been made whole because of Jesus. Whenever bad feelings creep into your heart, remind yourself that you are good enough, loved, and wanted by Christ. At the end of all things, He is what matters, and His view of you is the only one that will last for all eternity. You are His beloved and cherished child (1 John 3:1).
Completeness helps us know that we can walk into each day with confidence. Sometimes we might feel lonely since we are single, especially on Valentine’s Day, but we have to remember that we belong to Christ. Feelings of loneliness don’t have to be relieved by a partner or a spouse. Instead, you can connect with the Lord in prayer and Bible study. Connecting with Him will help you feel seen and heard as He is the God who sees us (Genesis 16:13).
In addition to connecting with God, you can connect with a few friends this Valentine’s. Spend time with your girlfriends and talk about what is going on in your lives. Planning a movie night, ordering pizza, and playing board games could be just what you need to help with feelings of loneliness. God never intended for us to be alone (Genesis 2:18); however, sometimes this can be alleviated by our friends, siblings, or parents.
You are complete as you are, even if loneliness tries to tell you otherwise. Jesus loves you, and He has great plans for your future. Granted, it might not feel like it as you are reading this piece, but please know He has wonderful plans for your future. As a complete individual, you are more than capable of bringing Jesus glory, serving Him, and fully experiencing His grace. Rest in this peace and know that He is the One your heart has been looking for.
The Beauty of Singleness and the Future
Knowing all of this can help, but maybe a week from now you are in the same place. Valentine’s Day is over, but you are still feeling a need for a partner. First, I want you to know that this is completely normal. Wanting to have a spouse is nothing to be ashamed of, but I don’t want you to believe you are lacking by not having one. Everyone’s life is on a different trajectory, and it could be Jesus is calling you to a life of singleness.
Singleness gets a bad reputation, but it is truly a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7). If it's upsetting to consider that God could be calling you to a life of singleness, consider that these feelings could stem from the reality that we are taught singleness is lonely. Yet again, loneliness is something we are always trying to avoid. We have to remember that if God calls us to a life of singleness does not mean we will be alone. Rather, we will have more time to spend with family members, friends, and other believers at church.
If God is calling you to a life of singleness, don’t fight it. Accept and know that your life will be beautiful. However, it could be that God is just telling you to wait. Maybe next Valentine’s Day you will be with someone. If you feel God has placed a deep desire within you to get married, then you should trust this feeling and wait on His timing. Pray, ask for His direction, and consult other believers.
Whether you are married or not, at the end of your life, your worth is still complete in Christ. You are worthy, loved, and cherished by the Creator Himself. This Valentine’s Day, give thanks to God for His unconditional and abounding love. Reflect on your life and see how God has been pouring out His love every day. From the rising of the sun in the morning to the twinkling stars at night, God’s love is always being revealed to us.
Turn to the Lord and find your fulfillment in Him. Bring any pain or hurt to Him, and trust Him with your future. Life on earth is temporary, yet life with Jesus is eternal. The heartache in this world won’t even be thought of in eternity because our lives will be so amazing. The love Jesus has for us will continue forever, and we should reflect on this, whether we are in a relationship or not.
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