For several years, it hasn't felt like Christmas to me, and this year is no exception. All the beauty, magic, and happiness of Christmas have been lost on me. While many would say it's because my mom passed away, I struggled with feeling the Christmas spirit long before she was gone. Her passing led to increased depression, which only made the root problem more difficult.
You see, I went through undiagnosed depression for many years. In fact, I was not medically diagnosed with depression until I was twenty-one years old, and the depression seemed to have started around the same time as the eating disorder, so I've been struggling with a tough mental load since I was thirteen years old. It was a hard time for me, and I've learned to forgive myself for my past. Nonetheless, there are seasons in my life when life is such a heavy burden.
Depression can cause you to lose interest in everything. Sadly, it cannot be cured. It can be treated, but it is something that you will carry with you every day. Some days will be better than others; however, on the hard days, it will feel like you are climbing a mountain to get out of bed in the morning. So what do you do to combat this depression the best you can? What do you do when it wants to take over your joy in the Christmas season?
My depression gets better during spring and summer, yet it peaks during the winter. My primary care doctor tells me it is because of the shorter days and colder months. I have considered getting a lamp that has natural light in it. Although I have not made this purchase yet, I encourage you to invest in one.
In combination with this, it's important to follow any guidelines set in place by our doctors. If they have prescribed us SSRIs or any other medication, we need to take them as directed. It can take up to six months to see an improvement in our symptoms, so it's vital to continue taking the medicine even if you don't feel any different right now. Many Christians have skeptical views when it comes to mental health medication, but we need to stop seeing medication as the enemy.
Medication and doctors are here to help us. By knowing this, we are less likely to be noncompliant with our treatment plan or stop seeing our doctor. Going to the doctor, getting regular check-ups, and following their treatment plan can be beneficial. Even though Christmas is the season of happiness and joy, maybe it's time to be honest with the not-so-happy parts of ourselves and start seeing a doctor.
Christmas might be more enjoyable this year if you start checking in on your physical and mental health. Primary care doctors specialize in preventive care, which, truthfully, can help prevent many diseases before they even start. Cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and other illnesses can be prevented by regularly seeing a doctor. Meanwhile, they can recommend therapists and counselors for mental health struggles like depression or anxiety that come from trauma, unhealthy relationships, or genetics.
All of this is to say that if you have depression, it can be addressed, even during the holiday season. Christmas might be a more difficult time for you, and that is okay. It is a difficult time for me too. The combination of my mom being gone and the internal sadness I always carry with me makes holidays really hard sometimes. For many years I believed I was just weak, and maybe you have felt this way too. If you do, know that you are strong and brave just to face each day.
Depression isn't a weakness. It is simply a mood disorder that needs treatment. With treatment and the proper steps, we can get better.
If you have been diagnosed with depression or you think you might have it, know you are not alone. It is not a character flaw or a shortcoming. Rather, it is a diagnosis we must learn to incorporate into our lives. Depression can turn our lives upside down, yet it can also help us in many ways. This might sound odd to say, but in my own experience, depression has taught me many things.
For one, depression taught me that I’m sensitive—and that is okay. I used to view sensitivity as something to be ashamed of; however, I know now that it is a strength. I don’t have to be ashamed of my sensitivity because it helps me connect to others. If you are sensitive too, know that it is not a personal flaw. Instead, start seeing it as a strength and ability to empathize with others.
Second, depression has helped me connect to others who also have depression. There are some things that only people with depression can understand. Individuals who do not have depression don’t understand why we are sad for no reason, yet other people who struggle with depression do. We can be there to encourage one another and validate each other's feelings.
Choose to accept your feelings this Christmas and don’t try to push them away. They are not “evil” nor are they “un-Christian.” Depression is not a sin. Even though many people have promoted this idea, it is not true. Sadly, even if you explain depression as a mood disorder and not a sin problem, many people won't listen. Sometimes we have to accept that we know the truth even if others don’t want to believe it.
This Christmas might not feel like Christmas, yet it doesn’t mean you cannot celebrate the Lord. Whether you are staying at home this year or going out, know that you can celebrate Jesus right where you are. With your tears and broken heart, you can still celebrate the Lord. Christmas is all about celebrating the anniversary of the birth of the Messiah (Luke 2:11).
Jesus’ birth in the world brings hope, happiness, and love into our hearts, regardless of the season we are going through. Even though we are going through a dark time doesn’t mean we cannot celebrate the Light of the World. Jesus is our wonderful Savior and Lord who left heaven to save us from our sins and to restore our broken bodies and minds. There is no greater blessing than this and, ultimately, this is Who we are celebrating on Christmas.
With our tears and heavy hearts, we can bow before the Lord and praise His Name. He sees our tears and our love for Him. Worshiping and praising Jesus doesn’t have to be done with a smile on our faces. However, it will lead to an internal smile, even amidst the tears. Turn your heart to Jesus today and rest in the peace that Christmas is still Christmas even if we don’t feel it.
It is still the anniversary of the Lord’s birth and His advent into the world. Jesus will return a second time and bring salvation to all who have waited for Him (Hebrews 9:28). Look forward to the Lord’s second coming while also celebrating the first advent. In the future, we will be with the Lord and all of our tears will be dried (Revelation 21:4). Depression will no longer plague our minds and our bodies will be made new. Praise the Lord for His goodness and continue to foster a heart of love for Him this Christmas.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/tommaso79