Remember this Christmas season that love, pain, and grief can coexist because emotions are complex, yet they are still gifts from God.
Christmas is known to be a beautiful holiday filled with laughter, love, and kindness. Most of us have positive memories of Christmas from our childhood. The way our parents went out of their way to make our Christmas special can bring happiness into our hearts. However, while Christmas doesn't necessarily change as we get older, our hearts do. The carefree heart we used to have can become older and full of sorrow.
A part of me is looking forward to Christmas and another part of me thinks, “Why bother?” Each year since my mom passed has been a nightmare. Christmas is no longer the same because she isn't here, and she isn't coming back. I've actually had to ban myself from going on social media on Christmas and the day after because seeing all the happy pictures from my friends actually makes me sad.
I ask God, “Why did my mom have to die?” While I have never received an answer, I trust that it is not within my power to know. What happened has happened and all I can do is keep moving forward. The days can be difficult, but nothing compares with Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. If you are feeling the same, know you are not alone as there are many of us going through the same heartbreak, agony, and tears.
If you feel you can't fake happy this Christmas, consider these tips to make the holiday more manageable:
Be Authentic
Whenever we are going to Christmas events or get-togethers, we still need to be our authentic selves. If our authentic selves are going through depression or grief, then we don't need to expect ourselves to be joyful and bubbly. True friends who know how heavy your heart is this season don't invite you to Christmas events expecting you to be the happiest version of yourself; they invite you as a way to let you know you aren't alone. You are welcome into their home as you are. They recognize that there is no shame in grieving or shedding tears this Christmas. Maybe you are not going through the death of a loved one, but a long-term relationship ended or you experienced a miscarriage.
Unfortunately, these things can also derail your Christmas spirit and make Christmas feel anything but special. Instead, it becomes a reminder of the pain and heartache. As believers, we need to remember that Jesus doesn't tell us to “tighten up our bootstraps.” Instead, He tells us, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
Jesus doesn’t expect us to be happy all the time. He wants us to be honest with our feelings and to be assured that He will accept us as we are. Other people might tell us to “lighten up,” but Jesus never does this to us. He understands our pain and He sits with us in the darkest of days. Through every hill and valley, He is with us (Psalm 23:4).
Don't Force Yourself to Be Happy
It can be tempting to pretend that we are happy at Christmas celebrations this year, but we don’t need to be. Forcing ourselves to be happy will only backfire. In truth, if you don’t feel up to going to Christmas events this year, this is perfectly okay. I have had to bow out of many holiday celebrations because, mentally, I just couldn’t do it. While I don’t know what other people thought of my absence, I knew that I needed to protect my mental health.
True loved ones will accept you as you are—hard feelings and all. They won’t force you to be happy or to be somebody you are not. These are the friends and family members you need to surround yourself with. Leave space for those who don’t, but don’t invest too much time into these individuals. Anyone who forces us to be happy lacks empathy and isn't the best friend to have when walking through a hard season.
Feelings and emotions are not evil. Unfortunately, many Christians think we have to be happy all the time. We are told by others that if we are sad, then we must be sinning or not having enough faith. This is painful and something that needs to end. Experiencing sorrow, pain, or depression is not a sin. Rather, these are emotions, and depression is a true mental health disorder that needs proper treatment.
Therefore, the lack of happiness in your life right now is not a measuring rod for God’s blessings in your life. We live in a fallen world, and it is not hard to find sorrow or grief. Loved ones will leave our lives and we will have to face life without them. Hardships will come and job losses and illnesses are always knocking at our doors, but none of them are God’s fault. He is not the source of our pain, but He is the answer.
God is our Heavenly Father who will surround us with peace. Christmas is the celebration of His Son’s birth into the world to be with us amid the heartache, so He isn't upset with you if you are feeling sorrowful this year. God meets you where you are and covers you with His grace. Every tear that you cry is held by Him (Psalm 56:8). He isn’t going to leave you to suffer in pain.
In the absence of others, we tend to feel God most. There have been numerous times when I’m by myself and full of grief, yet this is when I see God most prevalent in my life. I feel Him with me and He gives my heart peace. While my tears and sorrow persist, they are nothing compared to God’s love. Remember this Christmas season that love, pain, and grief can coexist because emotions are complex, yet they are still gifts from God.
Understand That Being Sad Is Not a Sin
As mentioned, to be sad is not a sin. Even though Christian culture has infiltrated our minds with the idea that we should always be smiling, this is not what the Bible says. Happiness is not a bad thing, as God does want us to be full of joy; however, sorrow is also a part of life. Sorrow and happiness will come and go at various times in our life. God will be present during all of these times and He will bless us with what we need at the time.
Express your feelings this Christmas and don’t be ashamed of your tears. If you choose to stay home this Christmas, know you can still celebrate the birth of the Lord even amidst tears. If you choose to go to a Christmas Day celebration with a loved one, know that your tears are welcomed too. Have a room you can go to when you need to get some time away from others. Tell a loved one you might step out if you are feeling overwhelmed and they will understand.
Tears are part of life, but even as they are falling down our faces, we can praise Jesus. Christmas is the anniversary of the Lord’s birth into the world. Our pain might continue for the rest of our lives, but we are looking forward to the day when we will be with Jesus again. On this day, there will be no more pain, death, or tears (Revelation 21:4). Even when everything feels dark, know that the Light of the World has overcome the darkness.
Photo Credit: ©Getty/Margarita Khamidulina
