Be encouraged, fellow stressed-out moms! We are in this together. Here are 4 key reasons we absorb family stress, and some ideas to help us deal with it.
#1 Get Organized
I would venture to say that disorganization is the top stress contributor within the family unit. And when disorganization affects one person in the family, the mom almost always catches the brunt of it. From lost shoes, to missing homework, to un-ironed dress-shirts, disorganization leads to chaos, which leads to one very stressed-out mom.
So try this: Arm yourself with a stack of “bathroom” books. Seriously! Read a chapter per day from books like, The Messies Manual, Clutter Free, or my very own Prioritize Your Life and Get All Your Ducks in a Row.Then, begin to implement some of the valuable tips—which will hopefully lead to more organization and less stress.
Once you get a bit more organized, require your family members to do the same. As you learn, teach them!
#2 Shed False Guilt
Feeling guilty for no good reason is another HUGE factor in absorbing family stress. Let’s face it, moms, we can even feel guilty for not feeling guilty!
Ladies, we’ve got to get rid of this stress factor—and fast. The enemy wants us to feel bad about everything. He wants us to live a life of self-defeat and be overwhelmed.
So try this: The next time false guilt comes, remind yourself that God’s got it. God’s got YOU. (1 Chronicles 16:11) One great way to determine whether you experiencing true guilt or false guilt, is to picture yourself standing before Jesus. What is He saying about the situation? His ways are always higher than ours. (Isaiah 55:9)
Sometimes, we need to let our family members figure things out on their own. Let’s stop doing everything for them—without feeling guilty!
#3 Lower Expectations
Mom’s never set their expectations too high, do they?
Sisters, we have got to bring our expectations back to earth where there are cobwebs in the corners, sub-par dinners, and grace. If we do not lower our expectations to a reasonable level, we will wear ourselves out. And being worn-out makes us extremely vulnerable to family stress.
So try this: Make a list of “musts” in your life, (a short list please), of things like
- praying with your children
- providing healthy meals
- having regular date-nights with your husband
- taking good care of your own health
Now, post that list in a prominent place and refer back to it each and every time you find yourself trying to be “Super Mom.”
We really do put a lot of undue pressure on ourselves. We should not only offer grace to our family members, but to ourselves as well!
#4 Set More Boundaries
We’ve probably all heard of the many benefits of boundary setting. In fact, the well-known book, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud, has sold millions! So, moms, why aren’t we setting our own healthy boundaries?
Last minute field trips, optional work events, and even coffee with friends need to be carefully planned with preset boundaries in place. Otherwise, we can easily get roped into things we really don’t want to do.
So try this: Print out a simple 3-month calendar. Use different colored pens to mark events for family, work and necessary appointments. Then, take yourfavorite colored pen and schedule “nothing hours.” When last minute things come up, you can look at your calendar and honestly say, “I have another obligation” (which may include your personal downtime).
Teach your children to enjoy downtime as well. Turn off all media and incorporate reading, naps, and time outside.
Admittedly, I still absorb some of my family’s stress. I try not to, but I do. Especially now, with two teenagers in the house, there are plenty of tense moments. But God is faithful. He reminds us that very few things in life are worth the rise in our blood pressure. Most things are simply a matter of taking a deep breath, (and a sip of peach iced-tea), and saying, “God’s got this.”
What stresses you most? Send me an email and let me know! I would love the chance to pray for you…
Jennifer at encouragementmama@gmail.com
