I get it all the time, “So you work from home? It must be so easy and fun.” Insert sarcasm and a quick prayer to Jesus to provide grace I need in this conversation before I respond.
Going to work in your home office while wearing yoga pants instead of commuting an hour to an office job might seem like a dream come true for most women. And don’t get me wrong, I am truly blessed but the biased perspective and challenging realities of working from home are often ignored by most women.
Welcome to the mommy wars in the Christian realm where our level of kindness is often laced with judgement which is why the current culture needs to have the work from home mom myths debunked…yesterday.
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False!
While most in-office moms get this assumption, so do we.
It’s a well-known fact that being a mom is pure magic. We devote our entire lives to taking care of our children, so it’s no surprise that this assumption arises when others learn we have a job, whether in the office or at home, in addition to our kids. Sometimes, others forget that some mothers need to work because they have to financially support their families. Despite the fact we as women are continually proving we are capable of what seems impossible, there is still a stigma that surrounds mothers who work from home. The truth is I love my job, but I love my children so much more. I love the fact I’ve been blessed with a job that allows me to work from home and work around my family’s schedule. Yet, people from the outside need to realize it’s not glamourous, and my kids don’t think my job is that important. (But they know I chose this job to give them the things they need.)
This can be true and false.
But it’s a comment I get all the time from other moms as they assume the laundry, dishes, self-care time, and personal time spent with Jesus are done with ease on top of spending uber amounts of quality time with my kids. That’s definitely not reality.
Working from home doesn’t look like the glossy pictures of moms wearing pantsuits while expertly rocking a baby. The truth is, we all want to set a good example for our children and embody the Proverbs 31 woman. She had her own business, excelled in making profits, structured her time well, and her family adored her.
This is up to how we structure our time and choose whether or not to get additional help. Some choose to send their kids to childcare during their set work hours. Others, like myself, have learned to create a work schedule that flows with the family schedule, especially since I have two teenagers at home who chose to be homeschooled this year. The reality is the work hours are unconventional, which is the same for most work-from-home moms. We get our work done in unconventional, multitasking ways, sometimes even in 30-minute blocks. I rely on God to be disciplined, structured, and productive.
False!
Recent Pew Research statistics revealed moms working from home find their job as both a mom and an employee more difficult. As a mom of teens, I would agree. It’s hard to give grace-filled interactions when there are hormones, eye-rolling, and loathing rolling off your teen during a work call. I do this thing that drives my teens crazy: I repeat myself like a broken record all day long. I am constantly triple-checking they did their chores, brushed their teeth, said their prayers, monitor tone of voice and attitude.
The relationship I have with my teens is just as messy and hard as any mother. No matter what age and stage your kids are in—being a mother requires an ocean of grace, forgiveness, grit, and unconditional love. Especially since there aren’t eight to ten-hour periods of being away from each other.
True and False.
I struggle just like every other mom who has been dealing with the same question since Adam and Eve: What’s for dinner? If the week doesn’t throw us a curveball like shortened deadlines, unexpected appointments, then we do pretty well. Otherwise, I like to joke that I am often disappointed with the food options in the cafeteria—mainly because I hate cooking, which means our tastebuds and waistlines are at the mercy of my lackluster culinary skills. Sometimes I pray Jesus would just open the heavens and rain down manna for dinner (it hasn’t happened yet). We do try to be mindful of how we need to treat our bodies as God’s temples and know nourishment is vital for good home life.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Tatyana Tomsickova
False.
I used to think I could help out in a pinch and say yes to anything—that I could serve in several different ministries at church and at school (before we started homeschooling). Then, God taught me that my ministry right now is my family and my work. Deadlines, attitudes, availability, and all! I’ve learned to say no without feeling guilty because my relationship with the Lord and with my family is my number one priority in this season. We each will be held accountable for our actions one day. We all would do well to focus on our calling and purpose. And we would do well to remember saying no doesn’t devalue another woman saying yes. Acts 20:24 reminds us, “But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”
Absolutely False!
I am reminded to take all my worries and cares to the Lord on a minute-by-minute basis. While I am grateful I don’t have to stress through a work commute, I still lie awake at night and wonder if I said the right thing to my kids, if I spent enough time with them, whether or not I was intentional with my time and words. I still have moments of guilt too. Motherhood is a tough job and our biggest prayer is we make the right choices to help lead our children to Jesus. But at the end of the day, our children are in God’s hands—they’re just on loan to us.
No matter what the future holds, we can trust in God’s promise found in the Psalms:
“Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.” Psalm 55:22
My reality of working from home is this:
I no longer have a commute, but I still wake up at 4:30 a.m. to start my workday.
I’m often disappointed with the food options in the “cafeteria.”
My letters to the janitorial team often get ignored as I trip over shoes and get disgusted with the dust.
I have to be ready at all times to hit the mute button on a conference call in case my kids break out into a fight over the last bowl of Frosted Flakes or if one of my cats spots a squirrel and photobombs a video conference. (It’s a tossup between the teens and the cats over who interrupted a call more than once.)
My last performance review included the need to upgrade stained hoodies and tattered workout pants for presentable clothing should the Amazon driver or the pastor’s wife stop by.
I did ask management to include a required workout time after prayer and Bible study. The request hasn’t been answered…yet.
I am 100% responsible for being the IT department and it stinks.
I am learning to be okay with the guilt of ignoring friends and family when they call because I have to hit a deadline.
I am 100% okay with being guilty of washing and drying laundry in two hours and then taking six to seven business days of getting it put away in between work deadlines.
I am not okay with dirty countertops – it’s the cleanliness craze in me.
I DO love working from home and humbly thank God every morning—even when Frosted Flake fights are breaking out.
Motherhood is a constant process of trusting in the Lord and His provisions. Whether or not we work an additional job, we put the needs of others who depend on us before our own. We give up sanity, sleep, and go without for the sake of those God has entrusted us to love.
When you are overwhelmed and can’t seem to live up to that ideal mom in your head, don’t compare yourself to another mom. Her highlight reel isn’t reality—remember her world is just as challenging as yours and you both need each other. We all need each other. This is why God gave us a community, so we can be the hands and feet of Jesus in real life.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Sarah Brown