Parenting in this day and age has brought forth a new set of challenges. And if you have teens, you understand the lengthy set of obstacles that encompass these years. Since my parents somehow managed to survive raising my sister and I, and actually seemed to enjoy it at times (yes, even in our feisty teen years), I like to believe that my husband and I will possibly be able to endure these years too. Who knows, maybe we'll even find some hidden nuggets of immense joy. Because to be completely honest with you, at the current moment, we are hanging by a thread. Ugh.
So, what gives? Why does it seem to be more challenging than ever to raise teens in our current culture? Honestly, it's not a simple answer. It's a multi-faced answer that continues to grow with more and more layers to peel back. Between the advancements of technology, rising costs to maintain and provide for the average family, and the mass amount of confusion being thrown in front of every teenager on a daily basis, it's no wonder parents are fighting on all fronts. This is probably why most parents are feeling completely isolated, depleted, and unsure of how to navigate these strange times we are living in while raising teenagers.
But…while there is no perfect solution or simple answer, we can still pinpoint the hurdles parents face today and seek God's wisdom and direction on how to not only survive these challenging years but support one another and encourage each other to continue the race!
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1. Lies about Their Identity
Our society today has a huge push to seek whatever makes you happy and give in to your feelings. Unfortunately, when we give in to our feelings, they can mislead us. Now we see a growing trend of teens (and even young adults) dressing as animals declaring you must call them a cat and address them by their proper terms depending on how they feel on a given day. Unfortunately, our teens are hearing so many misleading messages, and in many cases, their identity found in Christ is getting lost in the shuffle.
How do we respond? Keep reminding them that they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), that they were made in God's image (Genesis 1:27), and that we are His prized possession (James 1:18). Have open dialogue about these topics and ask how they feel about them. Then direct them back to God's Word and remind them of Truth.
2. Social Media Wars
Our culture has become obsessed with placing our value in a single click, like, or share button. Teens today face more social media apps than ever before, and it is only growing, becoming more and more addictive and easily exposing them to a wide range of inappropriate content. The reality of hidden dangers is all-consuming and can make any parent wince at how to navigate social media and the multitude of apps. Should they have them? If so, for how long? How do you set up parameters and limits? How do you keep them safe while on them? The questions parents face with social media are endless and overwhelming.
How do we respond? Philippians 4:8 tells us to focus on what is true, honorable, pure, lovely, and right. Ask your teen what draws them to certain social media. Get to know what they watch, listen to, or find intriguing. Directly ask them if what they are watching and listening to aligns with Philippians 4:8. Encourage face-to-face time and make certain times and places (like the dinner table) a cell-free zone. Creating healthy boundaries that work for you and your family will give them a little freedom while giving you a little peace of mind.
3. Academic Pressures and Stress
Our teens' academic pressures are real and can bring on massive amounts of stress and pressure. Whether they are in public school or schooling at home, nearly half of parents are reporting that their teens are battling anxiety and have growing concerns about their teen's future. Not only that but pathways forward are more challenging and expensive than ever before as college tuition prices continue to rise. While there are scholarships and ways to help offset the cost, the worry of getting into a good college looms overhead. Not to mention colleges have drastically changed over the course of recent years, therefore making it difficult to find the right fit.
How should we respond? Do the footwork and visit the campuses your teen is interested in, but don't discount the value of a trade. There are so many other avenues now, from community colleges to even just local hard work like tending to a ranch or going on a mission trip. Remind your teen that God has a plan, and they have a purpose (Proverbs 3:5-6 and Jeremiah 29:11).
4. Mental and Emotional Instability
Since 2020, there has been a steady incline in teens facing mental and emotional health issues. Many are feeling continually sad or hopeless, while others struggle to concentrate with all the various and new distractions in this day. Sadly, depression, self-harm, and suicide rates are on the rise. This is a concern for all parents, and while we may know the alarming stats and feel some of the same pressures living in a rapidly changing world, it can leave parents overwhelmed, groveling for answers on how to help and what to do.
How should we respond? Pray for wisdom and discernment and seek outside help as needed. Many churches have staff that provide counseling services. Look into support groups for you and your teen. Even if you attend them alone, they may be able to support and encourage you to love and work through some of these issues with your teen. Psalms is a beautiful book that I have often turned to when I was struggling with my own mental and emotional hurts and pain. If your teen is willing, take some time to read it together.
5. Lack of Healthy Boundaries
Teens have always wanted their freedom. It's in these somewhat rebellious years that they test and push boundaries like never before. However, in today's culture, it's become a little trickier to navigate with the rise of technology and the evolving door that comes with it. As soon as you think you have healthy boundaries in place to help guide them, they find a way around it, or a new update emerges, throwing everything off. It's definitely a delicate balance to enforce boundaries while giving them a taste of freedom at the same time.
How should we respond? Explain to them the purpose of boundaries. They may be combative, but remind them that it is to help them be the best version of themselves. Model boundaries as well and help them see it is a lifestyle to maintain to live life abundantly (John 10:10)
6. Day of Misinformation
Fake news! We've all heard this term before as we see a rather rapid digressing rate of integrity pouring out of our news outlets. It's misleading and confusing, especially for our teens trying to make sense of a world they will soon be a part of – on their own. They may begin to question everything, including their faith, as it blatantly seems to be the target and punchline of many social media and news streams they hear or come across.
How should we respond? We need to remind our dear teens of the Bible verse Romans 12:2, which proclaims to be in this world but not conform to it. And, furthermore, to be transformed by the renewing of their mind. As parents, we must be diligent and prayerful over their hearts and minds. Take time to talk about current issues and how they feel about them. Share what God's Word says and how they can stand up for the righteous in these dark and dismal times.
7. Lack of Communication
The communication barrier between a parent and teenager is no joke and can often be frustrating and even downright infuriating at times. In the times you want to pull your hair out (or pull theirs out), take a deep breath and remember that they are still developing and growing rapidly; their actions will represent that. Hormones are raging as their body, mind, and emotions tell them to separate from you and be their own person. It's so easy to take offense to their mannerisms and off-the-wall, snarky, and sometimes brutal comments. It can also be gut-wrenching when they shut you out and don't say more than two words to you on any given day.
How should we respond? Remember that under that tough exterior, they really do love you, and this season will pass. Hang on to those small glimmers of hope when they offer an unexpected hug or say thank you out of the blue. Keep praying for and over them, building them up with your annoying (as they see it) comments. Stay calm and love them anyway.
Let's Support One Another
In closing, we must recognize that raising teens today is downright hard! We will make mistakes, as will they. We are all learning, so give yourself some grace. It's also important to surround yourself with others that are in this same season to encourage you. Find your tribe and band together to encourage and help each other out. Love on their kiddos, and let them love on you and yours in return. If you are in need of support, reach out to groups within your church or community and get involved. Because, friend, it really does take a village!
Originally published Thursday, 17 August 2023.
