My life over the past twelve months has been like a roller coaster ride and at my age, I don't do roller coasters anymore. I sit on the bench next to the ride and wait for my kids to go through the tortuous up and down, inside out, upside down, and sometimes backwards journey until they disembark and come to tell me how awesome it was. Though I stay off the rides at the theme park, my own life has been filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. These many months have been a time of change, loss, answered prayer, heartache, joy, and fear. There have been new experiences, unexpected opportunities, and dreams come true. I never knew what to expect from one day to the next; all I could do what hold on tight.
I feel the same way about motherhood. Life as a mom often feels like a roller coaster ride. Just when I get used to a new stage in my children's development, they change. The unexpected twists and turns in the daily life of motherhood is exhausting. I always feel inadequate and unprepared. Like going on a new ride at the theme park, I never know when the next big drop will come. I wake up wondering: Will they get along today? Will anyone get hurt and have to go the emergency room? Will we have to cancel our plans because of an unexpected virus they caught from another child? Will homeschool go smoothly or be a long drawn out ordeal? Will I have the patience I need? What craziness will the day hold?
Perhaps you are a mom who knows what it's like to just hold on tight. You can relate to the analogy of life as a roller coaster ride. Maybe you wake up each day wondering what unexpected twist the day holds for you. Maybe you even wake up already exhausted just from the thought of it!
Scripture says that those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength (Is. 40:31). I need my strength renewed, don't you? One of the ways we can practically trust the Lord and receive his mercy, grace, and strength, is through prayer.
Dear Father in Heaven,
I come before you weary and beat down by this long day. Being a mother can be so hard! I often feel helpless and inadequate. I never know what to expect. I often don't know what to do. The constant change leaves me reeling. The twists and turns of each day is a glaring reminder of how needy and dependent I am.
The book of Hebrews tells me I can come to you in confidence and find the grace and mercy I need. And so I come to you now to lay all these burdens at your feet. I feel so overwhelmed by the details of life. It seems like I can never get ahead. Just when I clean up one mess, another one pops up somewhere else. Just when I think I know what I am doing as a mom, my child enters a new age and stage. Just when I think I have a steady routine in place, someone gets sick or hurt. Some days I wonder if I’m really cut out for motherhood.
I know I failed to glorify you today. I failed to love as you love me. I failed to extend the grace you’ve given me to my children. Forgive me for striving in my own strength. Forgive me for my fears over all the unknowns of motherhood. Forgive me for putting my hope in things, circumstances, or in my own strength rather than in you. Forgive me for my impatience and for wanting life to go my way. Each of these sins and failures reminds me of just how much I need a Savior. Today reminds me that I need Jesus more than I did yesterday and that tomorrow I will need him even more.
I’m so thankful that there is so much of you to give. You never grow tired or weary. Even while I sleep, you remain at work, ruling and reigning over your Kingdom. Nothing happens outside your knowledge and will. You are never surprised or caught off guard. You’re never stretched beyond what you can handle. You're never unprepared. And the well of your grace never runs dry.
Because of what Jesus did for me at the cross, I ask that you create in me a clean heart. Renew a refreshed spirit within me. Give me strength each day. Open my eyes so that I see your hand at work in my messy, unpredictable, and often crazy life. Be my constant in my fluctuating emotions. Keep the gospel ever before me and make it a reality in my daily life as a mother.
I pray that tomorrow you would be with me in all ups and downs of my day. Help me to find my joy in you and not in my circumstances. Help me not to fear whatever twists and turns may come. Help me to love my children and serve them well. Help me to enjoy each moment with them and not spend my time worrying about the next moment to come. May I remember that even when it feels otherwise, you are always with me and will never leave me or forsake me. Tonight, may I sleep in peace knowing that even when I lose my grip, you never let go of me. And may I open my eyes in the morning to find mercy, fresh and new, ready for the taking.
In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
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