Confession: I am an introverted mom. Yep, there, I said it. However, if I were being honest, for the longest time, I didn’t necessarily like claiming that title, let alone saying it out loud. Truth be told, I still don’t. Let’s just say that I haven’t always liked the idea of pigeonholing myself into a certain title per se. Probably because it comes with a sense of burden and a need to explain my odd and somewhat misunderstood behavior at times.
Maybe you hold the title of introverted momma too and can relate to the challenges it brings. Well, if I can reassure you today, you do not carry this burden alone. Not only that but there is so much beauty that is often not shared with being a mom who tends to be a little more, shall we say… self-observant.
So, with that, I openly share my heart with you and confess the very nature of what it means to be an introverted mom. Whether that is you, or you have a friend who tends to be more withdrawn and somewhat difficult to reach at times, maybe this will help put some of those misconceptions to rest:
We all know that being a mom comes with the precious price of giving up some of our alone time. Let’s face it, we all like to be alone at times. And quite frankly, we need it. We are actually commanded to get alone and be with God as it welcomes His presence (Matthew 6:6).
Yet, for an introvert, the ability to just sit and think in peace is necessary for her mental and emotional health. This isn’t just a one-time kind of deal for fifteen minutes; it’s a seek-that-time-through-the-day-as-needed kind of need. When she is unable to get time alone, she can take on stress in the form of anxiety, anger, or frustration.
When seasons of life take a serious detour and bring on waves of changes, an introverts may feel as if they are drowning. Change is hard for many people, but for an introvert, it can bring on so many waves of heat in the form of anxiety and stress. This is why having a routine and structure for their day brings a sense of peace. When there is a sense of “sameness” in their day, it creates stability and assurance that they will be able to face the day and any unbeknownst challenges that may come their way.
Watch out for the mom with the broom! My kids like to laugh and tell me that I am such a “clean freak,” but the cleaning is a coping mechanism. Dusting, sweeping, mopping, and even folding clothes offer me the chance to get lost in my thoughts and offer a sense of calm in the chaos. When I am cleaning, I feel that I have control over something and can transform a space. After all, a clean and decluttered space promotes peace and the opportunity to sit and relax at times.
To say that most writers are introverts due to the ability to work alone while taking all their thoughts captive and placing them on a page would not be a far-off statement. Personally, I find it so rewarding and therapeutic. While I cannot say this to be true for all introverts, writing does provide a form of emotional release for me. Since introverts tend to be very aware of their emotions and in tune with their surroundings, writing may be an enjoyable outlet.
Introverts often get a stigma of being shy, meek, or mild-tempered. But, that simply isn’t true for all introverts. Like myself, many introverts can enjoy being around others, especially those they hold near and dear. While some social gatherings may be a bit intimidating, they can still manage to have fun; they just might need to recharge with some alone time afterward, as many gatherings deem draining.
I can’t remember how many times I have backed out of an event, called in sick, or made up some silly excuse not to do something all in the manner of not “feeling like it.” Other times, I have attended things only to hide in a corner. Then again, I am not afraid of standing alone either and have been known to go against the grain based on conviction alone. Needless to say, my actions, words, and emotions don’t always make sense. Yet like many introverts, I’ve learned to embrace the awkwardness.
Loud noises don’t settle well with most introverts. Unfortunately, with three daughters, and one who has mastered the art of the “girl shriek,” my home is rather lively and rarely quiet. Ugh! Loud and unexpected noises not only cause me to jump but send my heart into flutter mode – not in a good way. Overstimulation with noise is a big issue for the introverted momma. That said, I have had to sneak off into my car or backyard for some much-needed peace and quiet.
Introverts are acutely aware of their emotions and generally the emotions of others. While many may think introverts are unable to share or express their emotions, I believe, the contrary is true. Due to their empathic nature, they are usually quite gentle and genuine in their approach towards others and the situations they are going through. Many times, this allows them to develop deep relationships with others, including their children, unless they have extroverted children (like I do), making that a bit tricky and a constant learning curve.
Introverts are the loners, the ones who sit alone and never tend to socialize, right? Well, yes and no. It honestly all depends on the situation and their comfort level. There have been times that I am so sociable I have had people claim there is no way I am an introvert. Yet, other times, I am standing behind my husband begging to leave as the noise, people, or event is unsettling.
This, of course, is probably obvious by now, but it goes a bit deeper than just peace and quiet. As a mountain lover, I find so much solace in their majestic beauty. As an introvert, they call me home and offer me a safe place to refuel. Being that we live at least fifteen hours from the closest mountains, I have had to improvise.
When I find that I can’t escape from the usual mom busyness or a stressful situation, it can cause all kinds of unhealthy triggers. So, I have had to find peaceful places within my home, or close by, that allow me to refuel. That may be taking the dog for a walk or hiding in my closet, but it is mandatory at times.
The reason that I share these thoughts with you is not only to reassure you or give you a better understanding of an introverted momma but to ask you a question: What is your title? Do you call yourself an introverted or maybe an extroverted mom? What about another title you cling to? Anxious, depressed, and OCD, among other names we throw on ourselves.
Well, as much as our society would have us “own” and carry these titles, whether we see them as good or bad, striving to prove something, empower ourselves, or give excuses for the way we are, here’s the thing, your “title” that you claim over yourself isn’t who you are. It may be a part of your makeup, but it’s not your identity. You are not an introverted mom or an extroverted mom. You aren’t just an anxious mom or even a successful working mom. You are first and foremost a beloved daughter (Romans 8:16)!
All the other titles come with strings (and confessions) attached, but being a child of God comes with freedom! So, claim that truth over your life today!
Much love, sisters!
Photo Credit: ©Mikael Vaisanen