God... has a way of humbling us on this journey and opening our eyes to realize that despite the many challenges and hardships that have come with this season, it really was all worth it.
How did we get here? I mean really! One minute our babies are placed in our shaky arms, being wiped off from the comfort of our womb, and next thing you know we’re waving good-bye, only to watch them prance excitedly into preschool. Then minutes merely pass and they’re running off to play little league (no wait, high school) softball, and you’re entertaining their friends by filling up your pantry with endless snacks and pizza rolls. Fast forward two seconds and the house is packed with teens louder than a rage party (not that I know exactly how loud those are, but I’m assuming), the schedule is crazy busy, the eye rolls get a tad bit more annoying (as do the sarcastic replies), and then…that’s it! In the blink of an eye, the house slowly grows dark and quiet, the friends dissipate, the snacks get replaced with granola bars, and you’re off shopping for “dorm-sized” microwaves. Wait! What?
How does eighteen years feel like eighteen minutes? All this work. All this love. All this sacrifice. Only to…let them go? I can’t even write these words without a sting of tears puddling in the corner of my eyes. Forgive me for being a bit sappy. As you guessed, I have a senior. Sniff, sniff. If you’re here, I’m assuming you do as well. First, let me extend a heartfelt (virtual) hug. This is hard, isn’t it?
Honestly, yesterday was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. (It’s been a consistent theme around here). Anyway, my sweet cousin, who just so happens to be an amazing photographer, sent over my daughter’s senior pictures. Senior pictures. I had to write that again, as it just doesn’t even seem real. Once again, how did we get here?
So, that said, when this email which held these precious pictures popped up on my phone, my heart instantly froze. Something came over me and I couldn’t press that “view photos” button. I just couldn’t bear to open it. Questions flooded my mind, weird emotions sprung up out of nowhere, and before I knew it, I was looking at that “first picture” which held the gateway to view all the other stunning photos, with blurred vision and a very heavy heart.
It's Okay Not to Be Okay
It was at that moment that I realized I was not okay. In full transparency, it has been a wild (and really bumpy) ride around here! If you have a senior, you more than likely know exactly what I mean. Maybe there is a reason why teenagers are so feisty? I’ve been told (on many occasions) that there is a reason you’re ready to give them the boot by the end of their senior year. And, quite frankly, that is totally understandable. I get it. They are not your fussy babies or temper-tantrum toddlers anymore. Nor or they your contrite teenager because it is so much more than that. They are now your “mini-me.” Your baby adult. Your reminder of who you once were and how quickly time really does fly by.
It's bittersweet, I tell you. But you already know that. So, let me just say, it is okay to not be okay. God knows and He understands. He also has a way of humbling us on this journey and opening our eyes to realize that despite the many challenges and hardships that have come with this season, it really was all worth it. The love and sacrifice. The time and effort. The tears. Oh, so many tears!
Sweet friend, God was there. Over the last eighteen years, He saw it all! And He is telling you that the reward will be so great (Psalm 127:3-5)! You did it! You got your baby here; setting them off into this world. Now it is time to build up the anticipation and get excited as you watch them make their mark on it!
This Is Only the Beginning
Whether this is your first babe, middle darling, or “baby” going off and experiencing the adventures of this world, pause for just a moment. Go on and take a deep breath, then glance back with fond memories of reflection. Sometimes in order to move forward in these tender seasons, we must learn to accept the past.
So, go on and pull out the memory book or scroll through your phone. Sift through all those pictures, recall the sweet (and maybe not-so-sweet) memories, and let it all come back. Embrace it all. The picture that held the best birthday party ever to the one that made you question if you were ever going to get any sleep again. As you get to more recent pictures, welcome God’s presence, and seek His comfort. Then, courageously press the “view more pictures” button and let God softly whisper to your heart.
“This is only the beginning!” I believe if He could say anything to us mommas right now, it would be that we are not meant to be stuck in the past or to be consumed by the present. Rather, when we place our trust in Him alone, He will lead and guide us, giving us full confidence, assurance, and hope for the future (Proverbs 3:5-6, Jeremiah 29:11)!
Trust God Is Writing Their Story
Obviously, life is about to change drastically, we can’t conceal that truth. But, if I may, I invite you to trust that God will take it from here. Though we have clumsily been trusting God with them since birth, this trust includes fervent prayers and knowing that even if we aren’t physically present, God is always with them!
It’s time, my sweet momma friend. We have done our best to lay a faithful foundation (Proverbs 22:6). A shaky one at best, but it will be what sets them apart from this world (1 Peter 2:9). We must hold on to that truth and now hand over the pen, fully trusting God to write the remainder of their story. Oh, but don’t be mistaken or worry; we’re not just watching from the sidelines. We still get to be an active part of their lives through our love, service, and fervent prayers. So, while this next chapter may be different, I have a feeling it’s going to be really good!
So, the reality is, in just a few short months your amazingly loved senior will walk across that auditorium stage, throw up their cap in glorious victory, and joyfully celebrate their hard work over the last twelve plus years. But the best part of that moment (at least for you), will be when they make eye contact and smile. That will be all the encouragement you need. Cherish that moment!
A Prayer (and Virtual Hug)
Father, where do I even begin? There are so many emotions that plague my heart, so I welcome the Holy Spirit to speak on my behalf when my words fail me or fall short. As a mom of a senior, I humbly ask for Your peace, comfort, love, and joy in a season that can often bring on a wide range of emotions, stealing away the goodness of this time. First, I want to thank you for the honor and privilege of raising my daughter. It has been a pleasure and extreme joy to watch her grow and change, becoming this beautiful young woman, who just so happens to resemble her beloved late grandmother. Next, I ask that You grant me the courage to allow You to write her story. I know You are so good, and that her life will come with an amazing testimony. I just need help in seeing that when her story rubs mine in a way that sparks friction or animosity. Lastly, these last few months that she is home, I ask for Your favor on our relationship. Bring peace in our home and restore joy and excitement in our hearts as she ventures on. Create healthy boundaries for us to be able to share life together in a way that offers her the freedom she desires and the peace of mind I crave. I trust You, God. I know You will use her to do great things. And I also know You will be with me. For that, I sincerely thank you. Amen.
Sending big, BIG hugs from my heart to yours!
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Jacob Wackerhausen
