Give life to yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically so that you are equipped to better care for your children and those in your circle of influence.
As a Christian mother, you, no doubt, want to model Christ for your children and share biblical truths with them. In order to do either of these things, you first have to begin with yourself - you must have a relationship with God and be learning and growing spiritually. The same thing applies to your children’s physical health and emotional well-being. You want your children cared for physically and nourished emotionally. It’s difficult to care for your children physically and emotionally if you are not well physically and emotionally. Again, you have to start with you, because your children and so many others are counting on you to be fully present and pour into their lives. You can’t do that well when you are overwhelmed, worn out, and have nothing to give. In order to fulfill your various roles, you have to care for yourself first. This type of care is about giving life to yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically so you are equipped for the good things God has created you to do. (Ephesians 2:10)
Take heart, God never intended for you to function all by yourself in this world. He created you as an emotional, spiritual, and physical being to function optimally in relationships with other people. Relationships with life-giving helpers (a support team) can help you discover who God created you to be and care for yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically. When you care for yourself in this way, you are filling your vessel/pitcher so that you will have life-giving “water” to pour into your children and others in your circle of influence.
If the thought of having a life-giving support team sounds amazing, let’s look at how to create your own team:
1. Evaluate What Season of Life You Are in and What Support You Currently Have
What season of life are you in? Some seasons require more help or team members than other seasons. If you are a mom of littles, additional help with your children may be necessary. A mom whose children are away at college for most of the year may need a team member who is a listener. A mom who is helping her children with their children may benefit from a team member who can recommend nutritional supplements to help with declining energy levels.
What roles do you fill in addition to being a mom? The various roles that you fill in life require your time and energy - time to perform tasks for those roles, time to nurture relationships in those roles, and physical and mental energy to fulfill those roles. List on paper all of the roles that you currently fill. Examples to get you started include wife, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, employee, and business owner.
What helpers or team members do you currently have in your life?
Go ahead and write down who the team member is and what role they perform. It may be something like, “my mom helps with my children” or “my friend, Amy, helps by listening to me process my thoughts.”
2. Evaluate What Kind of Support You Need and What Benefits You’d Like to Receive
Where do you need help/support?
Do you need help or support with childcare, housekeeping, organization, meal prep, healthy meals, nutrition education, healing from past hurts, emotional wellness, Bible study, spiritual growth, physical wellness, time management, community, taking action, creating a plan to move forward?
Write down what’s applicable to your current situation.
What benefits would you like to receive?
Would you like to have uninterrupted downtime, rest, time to work on a project or business, accountability, clarity, discipline, direction, encouragement, fellowship, understanding of who God created you to be, personal growth, strategy to solve a problem, knowledge of how to care for your body holistically, self-awareness, whole-body wellness?
Write down what would benefit you in your current circumstances.
3. Decide Which Life-Giving Helpers Would be Beneficial During Your Current Season of Life
A life-giving helper and team member is someone who nourishes you emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically. The key word here is nourishing, meaning to strengthen or support physically and mentally as well as promote growth. You receive some benefit that gives you life or personal growth because of these life-giving team members.
A person who is a life-giver may do one or more of the following: listen deeply, see beyond the obvious, instill hope, encourage, support, help, inspire, motivate, stretch you, and call you to go further and do more than you would on your own.
Jesus tells us that he came so we can have life and have it to the fullest (John 10:10). Emotional life for you may begin with processing past hurts. Spiritual life for you began with becoming a child of God (Proverbs 8:35). Physical life for you may begin with getting the rest that your body desperately needs.
The following are examples of life-giving team members:
Emotional
Christian Counselor/Therapist
Christian Life Coach
Christian friend
Spiritual
Spiritual Director/Mentor
Prayer Partner
Bible Study teacher
Spiritual Discipler
Physical
General Practitioner
Naturopathic Doctor
Functional Nutritionist
Housekeeper/Childcare Helper
As you begin crafting your support team, review where you need support and what you hope to accomplish. Your support team, Mom, will be as unique as you are. You may want to begin by only focusing on one of the above areas - emotional, spiritual, or physical. The members of your support team will change as different seasons of your life change and as you grow personally.
4. Decide How Often You Will Meet with Your Support Team
Some members of your support team will help you weekly and other members will meet with you every other week or monthly or quarterly.
Technology allows you to meet with others over Zoom without leaving your house if that works best for you.
Making space on your calendar for these life-giving team members to assist you or meet with you will provide numerous rewards emotionally, spiritually, and physically as you are intentionally building your support team.
This all sounds great, but where do you find these life-giving support team members?
Seeking out life-giving helpers begins with having conversations, asking questions, and developing relationships. Begin by asking for referrals from people that you know and trust. Then contact the potential support team member and have a conversation to get to know them personally and ask questions about what they offer and how they can support you.
Another source for finding life-giving support team members is being intentional to reach out to other women of varying ages and stages of life to develop relationships. I know most moms are super busy and don’t need something else to add to their list of things to do. This can be as simple as a thirty-minute phone conversation with no agenda except to hear each other’s life stories and get to know one another. You may be pleasantly surprised to find a spiritual mentor, a prayer partner, or another mom who would love to swap childcare with you.
When I was looking for a new family medicine doctor, I scheduled an appointment to meet the doctor. During the appointment, I shared that I was looking for a doctor to be part of my health care team and to help me make decisions regarding my health. His response to what I shared allowed me to see if he was a good fit for the type of medical team member I was seeking. If it’s not a good fit, then you move on to the next person and repeat the process until you find someone who you feel comfortable with and who understands what you are trying to accomplish.
Care for yourself, Mom, by creating a support team for yourself. If you already have support, examine where you can enhance your support team.
Give life to yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically so that you are equipped to better care for your children and those in your circle of influence.
Questions to consider:
What would creating a support team make possible for you?
How would it feel to have a support team where the focus is to give life to yourself?
How would your children benefit when you are nourished emotionally, spiritually, and physically?
Resources
Focus on the Family Counseling Service and Referrals
Focus on the Family is a global Christian ministry dedicated to helping families thrive. They provide a free, one-time counseling appointment, as well as referrals for Christian counselors in your area. (855.771.4357)
Finding Me Christian Coaching
Christian life coaching offers a free, thirty-minute call to explore if life coaching is a good fit for you.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Kaan-Sezer
Renee Bethel, author of Finding Me: A Woman’s Guide to Learning More About Herself, is a Professional Christian Life Coach and a Certified Enneagram Coach. Her passion is guiding growth-minded Christian women to step into their God-given identity so they can live more authentically and confidently in the freedom of who they are in Christ. If you're ready to change how you view yourself and learn how God sees you, request her resource, Who am I - from God’s Perspective?
