Scripture gives clear instructions on many issues in life. For example, God outrightly hates the act of lying and believers are instructed to always speak the truth. God also wants us to love one another, our enemies notwithstanding. The Christian walk is mostly about choosing between the narrow gate and the wide gate. God wants us to wake up each day with a resolve to trudge the narrow path, no matter how grueling it gets.
And while some life issues have crystal clear instructions from the Bible, others do not. For instance, the scriptures do not spell out the number of children a couple should have. Whereas the Bible is clear that a man should only have one wife, the number of children is not addressed. It is not captured in the Ten Commandments, the Old Testament prophecies, Jesus' teachings, or the apostles' teachings. It's upon the couple to determine the size of their family.
Right from the days of Adam and Eve, God has always wanted man to make his own choices based on the instructions He has given him. Man was not created as a robot that would automatically bend towards God’s will. God is not a tyrant but a loving father who created us in His image. He gave man free will. He placed man in the Garden of Eden and in it was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He expressly warned Adam and Eve against eating from that tree but let them choose.
It was upon Adam and Eve to obey God. Even where siring children is concerned, God wants couples to decide on the number they deem right. His Word brims over with wisdom and admonition about children, sufficient to guide the couple in making the decision. Look, He doesn't even choose for us our spouses. He wants us to use the compass in His Word and depend on His guidance. But ultimately, we get to choose our spouses.
I have met and read about couples who wish they had had more kids before the fertility window closed on them. I have also read about couples who wish they didn't raise as many children. How would God want couples to settle on the number of children to have?
Here are four considerations based on the scriptures:
The first instruction that God gave man after creation was for him to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it (Genesis 1:28). God's agenda for man was for him to take over and dominate the earth. In this task, numbers were of paramount importance. The more children they had, the closer they inched toward this purpose. We also see God appearing to Abram, his old age notwithstanding, and promising to make him the father of many nations. God would kick start this journey by giving Abram a son. From Isaac, a nation would spring forth through procreation.
It is evident that God is concerned with numbers. Even today, God wants believers to prioritize raising a godly generation. We can ignite change by raising kids who represent Christ in their community at every stage of their lives. Even if the scriptures do not expressly tell us how many children we should have, God's mandate for mankind to fill the earth and have dominion should not be forgotten.
David observed that children are a heritage from the Lord and a reward. They are a blessing that only God can bestow. As a couple, how many of these blessings do you desire to welcome into your home? David further said that like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are children born in one’s youth, and blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them (Psalm 127:3-5). This implies that the more children a couple has, the more blessed they should deem themselves.
Jesus also taught that whoever welcomed a little child in His name had welcomed Him (Mark 9:37). It is clear that God doesn't want us to view children as nuisances or inconveniences. When we welcome them into our homes, we are welcoming Him. He grants us the privilege of nurturing them in His ways.
As parents, we become co-workers with God. Besides, God only gives good gifts. Every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17). Having the right perspective about children and viewing them as gifts from God will help couples decide on the number they should have.
Having kids is great, but couples must consider their capacity. Jesus taught that whoever intends to build a tower must sit down first, count the cost, and identify whether he has enough resources to finish it. If not, he may lay the foundation and be incapable of finishing it, inviting mockery from observers (Luke 14:28-30).
Couples must also plan and prepare before having children. We must be in a position to be good stewards of the gifts that God bestows on us. Children are undoubtedly the most precious gifts a couple could have. These gifts require physical, mental, emotional, and financial preparation. Couples must therefore count the cost and identify the number they can take care of. Yes, God wants us to fill the earth and have dominion. However, that doesn't give us the license to have children that we cannot fend for and raise well.
Paul warned that anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). We should be able to provide for the children we choose to have; otherwise, we shame God's name.
Thankfully, God is personal and He reveals Himself to each of us in a personal way. He skillfully formed each of us in our mother's womb. Each one of us has the hairs on our heads numbered. Not in a corporate way but in a personal way. As such, God meets us exactly where we are. In the parable of The Lost Sheep, we find the shepherd leaving the ninety-nine sheep in the wilderness to hunt down the lost one (Luke 15:4-6). Not two, not three, but just one wayward sheep. We also see Jesus sitting by Jacob's well, waiting for one woman, the Samaritan woman. He met her right where she was.
Likewise, he meets each of us where we are where childbirth is concerned. He is well aware that family dynamics are different. He sees the single lady or man who waits faithfully for the gift of a spouse and children. He sees the couple struggling with infertility. He sees the couple struggling to fend for their huge family. Whichever space you and your spouse find yourselves in, God is not oblivious to your circumstances. He is your personal God and will meet you where you are. Do not feel condemned about the number of children you settle on, depending on your circumstances. Your Lord is well acquainted with the intricacies of your life.
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