October 11, 2014 at 2:19 am. A moment in time I will never forget.
Not only because I became a mother for the first time, but because my eyes were opened to the reality that I needed to be a daughter to my own mother.
To be completely honest, leading up to the birth of my son, my relationship with my mom wasn’t where it once was many years prior. To put it simply, I reached a point because of so much hurt, disappointment, and rejection from so many people in my life that I told myself that I couldn’t rely on anyone any longer, especially her. She became just another person in my life, and one who I dreaded seeing her name on my phone’s screen when she called.
Of course I loved her, but I kept her at arm’s length because I didn’t want to risk being hurt once again. I was a big girl now; I didn’t need my mom. But in that delivery room, although I had no idea, I needed my mom. She heard me from the waiting room and couldn’t bare it any longer, so she invited herself into the delivery room. Although my husband and I had decided to keep the experience private, I was so glad she busted through those doors!
Because my contractions stalled, I was then experiencing Pitocin-induced contractions and needed as much support as I could during the “breaks” I would get in between each wave of pain. I remember looking up at her and crying out to her- even calling her “mommy” at one point, which I NEVER called her that before in my life. I truly believe it came from my spirit and the deep recesses of my heart. Having my mom there in that room, massaging my back, encouraging me, and holding my hand was one of the most special moments I have ever experienced with her in my entire life. I am so thankful for it and will treasure it forever.
As the hours went by, another person I struggled to fully embrace entered the room- my mother-in-law. Our relationship had become very surface-level over the last few years because of the same reasons as my mom and I’s relationship- I feared rejection and disappointment and put up walls around my heart, loving at a distance. She never stopped loving me and never stopped praying for me, even in that delivery room. I am so thankful for her prayers throughout the whole laboring process and so thankful for our now-restored and renewed relationship.
I find it so absolutely beautiful that God would take such a physically painful experience and make something so wonderful and life-changing in so many ways for me. I saw years that the enemy had stolen from me be restored to me in an instant and God is continuing to heal and restore even more still as the months have gone by.
I thought that the birth of my son would be the only miracle I would witness that mid-October day, but God had so much more in store for me. I thought that day would be about me becoming a mother, but God had greater plans, as I got my mother and mother-in-law back that day. His love for me completely overwhelms my heart!
God’s grace and love have carried me through these first eighteen months of being a mother, and I am in awe of the miraculous restoration that has occurred in my relationship with my mom and mother-in-law.
Now every time I look at my son, and I think about how much I love him and how I would do anything to give him all that he needs, I am reminded of how much God loves me and cares about all aspects of my life, including my relationships. I am able to pour out that same love without hindrance to all that He places in my life. Because God gave me the gift of becoming a mother to my son, I am able to love so much greater as a daughter. For that, I am forever grateful!
(Thank you, Mom…I love you a bushel and peck and a hug around the neck! Happy Mother’s Day!)