Rose was only 15 years old when she got pregnant. When she told her parents about it, Rose and her mother went abroad for an extended period. They returned home from the trip and their family joyfully welcomed the newly “adopted” Baby Bam, who was raised by Rose’s parents as their youngest child. No one asked any question.
Rose was grateful to her parents for helping her make the right choice, and for giving her the opportunity to have a future. They took it to the next level by raising their granddaughter in their own home, so Bam didn’t have to grow up with strangers.
Meanwhile, Joanne was in a closed adoption system but eventually found her birth family through DNA tests and a private investigative agency specializing in adoption. She discovered that her mother wanted to parent her but couldn’t because of mental illness and lack of family support.
In Exodus 1, the Pharaoh had given an order to the Hebrew midwives Shiphrah and Puah to throw every Hebrew boy born in the Nile River (v.22). The Israelite population had grown so that their number became a threat to the nation of Egypt. “Now a man of the tribe of Levi married a Levite woman, and she became pregnant and gave birth to a son. When she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him for three months” (Exodus 2:1-2).
First, the Hebrew midwives were God-fearing women and spared this baby boy from instant death. Second, the married couple wanted to keep their son, hiding him until they couldn’t. “When [the boy’s mother] could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch. Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. His sister stood at a distance to see what would happen to him” (vv.3-4). The time had come for them to say goodbye to their child. It wasn’t their choice.
Although Joanne never met her mother—she died before she found her—she met her grandparents, father, and siblings. The reunions were all positive—an unusual occurrence for adoptions, she was told.
In the case of our Hebrew baby boy, here’s what happened:
“Then Pharaoh’s daughter went down to the Nile to bathe, and her attendants were walking along the riverbank. She saw the basket among the reeds and sent her female slave to get it. She opened it and saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. ‘This is one of the Hebrew babies,’ she said.
“Then his sister asked Pharaoh’s daughter, ‘Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to nurse the baby for you?’
“’Yes, go,’ she answered. So the girl went and got the baby’s mother. Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, ‘Take this baby and nurse him for me, and I will pay you.’ So the woman took the baby and nursed him” (vv.5-9).
God makes a way to reunite families! Joanne had the means to finance a search and was successful. Not all can pay for this kind of service nor able to reach out with positive results from their birth families. As for the Hebrew mother and son, God provided a way for the baby to return to their home, with his own mother to nurture him. And with an unexpected paycheck to boot!
Dr. Gail Gross said, “Healthy emotional growth begins with successful bonding between parent and child. A child masters the social skills critical to emotional maturity by watching parents’ behavior and modeling their behavior on [them.]”
Moses, the Hebrew baby, was taken to Pharaoh’s daughter and became her son, “when [he] grew older” (v.10). It is said that weaning, in Jewish rabbinical traditions, is anywhere between the ages of 18 months and 5 years, making it possible for Moses’ biological parents to impact his childhood. Later in his life, he would reunite with his siblings when God called him for his special mission to the Israelites.
Bam grew up in the same home as her mother—granted, thinking they were siblings. Rose had a presence and influence in Bam’s life. When Bam was a young adult, her mother decided to tell her the truth. This news did not destroy their beautiful relationship built through the years, even if both chose to maintain their sibling relationship.
Joanne, on the other hand, considers herself “damaged” by the secrecy of her birth that led to adoption, even after reconnecting with her biological family. Even knowing the difficult situation of her own mother, she is totally against family separations due to lack of resources or shame and guilt resulting from sex outside of marriage. She maintains that adoption causes distress to everyone, especially for the child.
Interestingly, God said, “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15).
First, carrying a child for nine months is no easy feat and, sadly, it’s not an experience all women will have. The changes in a woman’s body during the pregnancy will astound anyone as a woman’s skin, muscles, and organs stretch to accommodate her growing baby. Even years after the pregnancy, there can be reminders of dark spots on her face or stretch marks on her abdomen. Let’s not talk about other parts that may be sagging because of it!
Second, who would imagine that there is natural stimulation and production of breast milk? A woman’s body—and a baby’s cry—is like a clock that announces feeding time.
Third, there is always loss and grief for a mother who chooses to have her baby adopted, whether expressed or not. Why else would we have birthmothers fighting to get back their babies after placements? Some would even settle for a long-distance friendship with their children, even if a much closer relationship is desired. But we also know that there are those who will choose to bury the memories so they can have new opportunities and positive life experiences for themselves, especially when they create new families.
We can never overstate the importance of the mother to a child. It starts from her pregnancy and continues to early child development. But in some cases, the choice to keep a child after birth is not possible, especially for unintended pregnancies for young teens and women with difficult circumstances. What we are certain of is that every child deserves to live, and every child needs a family.
But as God said, “Your mother may forget, but I won’t!” Here’s why in David’s words:
“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:13-16).
God, our Creator and Heavenly Father, knew each one of us even before we were formed and born. And for those of us who have put our faith in Christ Jesus, God “chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will…” (Ephesians 1:4-5). “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ…” (Romans 8:17).
It’s your choice to have a happy ending!
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Stígur Már Karlsson /Heimsmyndir
Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!