Mother's Day is a challenge for those of us without mothers. It's hard to stare at the cards in the store knowing you don't have a recipient at the other end. It's frustrating when the conversation circles around this holiday and everyone's plans.
Mother's Day will never be the same for those of us who have lost mothers. You can still celebrate, but there will always be a note of sadness and loss to the day. A day that used to be filled with joy and love has morphed into a reminder of grief. That said, we are here and can learn from our suffering. Let's look at the history of Mother's Day and some prayers that might help you get through the day.
The Fascinating History of Mother's Day
Mother's Day has a fascinating story. It dates back to the ancient Greeks and Romans, who held festivals in honor of the mother goddesses Rhea and Cybele. Then in the United Kingdom and parts of Europe, they would return to the "mother church" for a special service on the fourth Sunday in Lent. This custom faded and eventually merged with the American Mother's Day in the 1900s.
A woman named Anna Jarvis from West Virginia worked to get Mother's Day named an American holiday. It was a way to honor the sacrifices mothers made for their children. She partnered with a business owner in Philadelphia named John Wanamaker, and in May 1908, they launched the first Mother's Day celebration in West Virginia and Philadelphia. From that point on, she worked to see the day become a nationally recognized holiday. This finally occurred in 1914 when Woodrow Wilson officially established the second Sunday in May as Mother's Day.
The story takes an interesting turn when the woman who worked so hard to get the holiday created changed her tune. Ann Jarvis, who was unmarried and had no children, imagined Mother's Day to be a day when mothers wore white carnations and spent time with their families. Once the day became a national holiday, things changed.
Businesses quickly grabbed ahold of the new holiday and started capitalizing on the opportunity. Jarvis did not appreciate the commercialism and spoke out against the businesses trying to gain from the holiday, such as the confectioners and florists.
The woman who got Mother's Day put on our calendar disowned the holiday altogether and was attempting to get it removed when she died in 1948.
1. The Remembrance Prayer
If you have lost your mother at any age, it's traumatic. Assuming you grew up in a mildly healthy atmosphere, your mother played a key role, and losing her at any point is a significant loss.
I pray you will take this day to stop, pause, reflect, and remember the wonderful things you enjoyed about your mom. Think about your favorite memories. Share those good times with your husband or children. Pull out a remembrance item or wear a piece of her jewelry.
I pray you remember the good times on Mother's Day. If her last days or years were traumatic, focus on the positive. This is a day to think about her influence on you and how she helped make you the woman you are.
I pray you temporarily allow yourself to feel the loss and pain. The void in our lives is real. Think what a huge role she played in your life. Remember all the good times you had with her.
Some people create a tradition to conduct every year in remembrance of their loved one. You might light a special candle or visit her gravesite if you are close by. You could call a family member to share stories, anything that feels like a time of recognition.
My mother died when I was twenty. Thankfully, I have plenty of warm childhood memories with her. She filled my life with love, tenderness, comfort, and laughter. She is the axis around which my childhood revolved around. I don't live near her gravesite, but every time I visit my family, I take my kids to her gravesite for a few moments of reflection.
I pray this Mother's Day, you can reminisce and share beautiful stories that help keep your mom's legacy alive. Be present with your loved ones by bringing them into your memories.
2. The Gratitude Prayer
It's easy to focus on what we don't have. When we miss a mother on Mother's Day, it's a void we notice.
I was 20 and in college when my mother died. Mother's Day has been hard ever since, especially that first holiday. Seeing the cards and flowers, knowing my mother was no longer around. I cringed when others spoke of the plans and gifts they were giving their mother. Their perfect plans when I had none.
What if we shifted our mindset to focus on the blessings? I pray that instead of dwelling on the empty seat, we celebrate what we can. I am a mother; I have a wonderful mother-in-law, three beautiful children, and an amazing husband. I will always mourn my mother on this day, but I choose to be present with my family and relish the time with them. I am thankful to be blessed with the loved ones in my life, and I hope you take time to think about your many blessings.
Let's thank the Lord for every day we have on this earth and the time you had with your mother. Whether the days were few or many, give thanks. Be grateful for every card, picture, or memory you hold dear.
Scripture is filled with the message of gratitude. Nothing pulls you out of a moment of anxiety or grief like gratitude. While thankfulness will not be our natural inclination, we can decide to focus our thoughts there.
Let's thank the God of heaven because His love endures forever. (Psalm 136:26) Let's continue to pray steadfastly, being watchful with thanksgiving. (Colossians 4:2)
Let us abound in thanksgiving this year. (Colossians 2:7)
3. The Supplication Prayer
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)
Don't hold in all your emotions, sadness, and grief. Humble yourself to your Heavenly Father and transfer those feelings to Him. He can handle them. Share your sadness, don't bottle it up.
I pray you can enjoy the day (as much as possible) this Mother's Day by presenting your requests to God. When you unload your grief on a mighty Savior, you unburden yourself. I hope you plead with our God through Jesus to bless your Mother's Day.
Look at Daniel's plea to God in Daniel 9. Notice his desperation, humility, and requests.
"Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant. For your sake, Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary. Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy. Lord, listen! Lord, forgive! Lord, hear and act! For your sake, my God, do not delay, because your city and your people bear your name." (Daniel 9:17-19)
My favorite part of Daniel's prayer is his humility. He acknowledges their sinfulness and praises God for His mercy. We don't deserve His love and help, but He pours it upon us anyway. What a blessing!
Don't hesitate to take everything you are feeling to the Lord. Grief is not linear; there is no starting or finish line. Sometimes I wish there was, but there's not. Grief is cyclical; the feelings will stir on birthdays, holidays, and other occasions. Prayer is one action we can take to manage our emotions healthily. Don't ignore your feelings; communicate them to the Father. He is the ultimate Counselor.
Give the Lord your anxiety about the day. Ask for His peace to be poured upon you. "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." (Colossians 3:15)
4. The Hope Prayer
We come to probably the most important prayer. How do we move on? How do we continue without our loved one? Hope! Hope in Jesus. Hope that God has a bigger plan and is working things out for His good. Hope that one day we will be reunited with our loved ones in heaven.
"And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:2-5)
No one enjoys suffering, at least no one I know. However, God uses our pain to continue His good work. Our pain is not wasted, and based on the verse in Romans above, we are building character and perseverance muscles. We are learning to put one foot in front of the other and proceed without our mother. We are learning there is hope for another day. We can have joy even amid our grief.
My prayer is that you remember "our citizenship is in heaven" (Philippians 3:20). Our hope is in the future. Our knowledge that Jesus is coming again is how we can continue on, not in misery, but in faith. Our hope lies in eternity. We make the best of it here on earth but live for eternity.
If the earth was all there was, what a sad state. However, we know a much greater place. Paul reminds us of this in Philippians 3:13, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
I will always wish my mom lived another day or year, as I am sure you do. We can honor our mothers by keeping their legacy alive. Mother's Day is a time we can acknowledge their impact and remind ourselves of their great contributions.
I recently attended a field trip to a Veteran's Memorial. There was a huge wall listing deceased soldiers' names. We watched a video where one woman said one of the goals for listing every soldier's name was to ensure they didn't die two deaths. The first one in combat, and the second one when they are forgotten.
We get to make sure our mom never dies that second death. We can use Mother's Day as a time to remember and honor. As much as I wish my mom was around, that's not my lot. I must make the most of the life that God gave me to accomplish His work. We live in a sinful world; I wish this wasn't the case. But we can choose to rise above the sin, with the help of the Holy Spirit, and live in this world for the next.
I end with this verse from 2 Thessalonians 2:16 ESV, "Now may the Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word."
Originally published Wednesday, 26 April 2023.
