We want the messes to be fewer, and yet when the messes fade, we miss them. We want them back. We realize they were a gift, a sign of life in your home.
If I've heard it once, I've heard it a million times: “They grow up so fast.”
I think I have spent the majority of my parenting years annoyed by that phrase. When they are newborns and you haven’t slept and showered in days, it doesn’t feel so fast.
In the toddler years when they are drawing on your walls and throwing tantrums in the store, it doesn’t feel so fast.
In their elementary years, when they are talking back and telling you no, it doesn’t feel so fast.
Then in their teenage years, with the hormones, friends, mood swings, and attitudes, it doesn’t feel so fast.
Then one day you look at them as they enter adulthood and you suddenly feel that it went by too fast. All those times you heard it and didn’t believe it, but now it is reality. Those parenting days that were hard and good all rolled into one went by faster than I could have ever imagined.
Our daughter came along as a bit of a surprise. My husband and I were only married for five months when we found out we were expecting. I was twenty and still unsure who I was when she appeared in our lives.
I was worried I would mess her up, that parenting would not be my strength (and some days it isn’t). As she grew up, I grew up. I learned what it meant to be a mother, what it meant to sacrifice, and looking back, those were the hardest days, but they shaped me. She shaped me.
Even now, my youngest is ten, my middle thirteen, and their sister starting her senior year. I look at them and feel so deeply that the season of them being little is past. They are growing up, time is pressing on, and being a mom is a gift.
Granted, being a mom is the hardest and best job. What we do with those days will form how we reflect on the age-old phrase, “They grow up so fast.” There is some wisdom gained from those years, and even now, looking back, there are so many things that God is teaching me about motherhood.
No matter your season of motherhood, there are beautiful moments, moments that you will look back on with gratitude. And in the here and now, there are ways to be intentional as a mom in the days that feel hard and overwhelming.
Savor the Small Things
Thanks to a phone with a camera, we can catch the little moments on video or film. These moments that we often overlook become moments that we treasure. Watching them read a book on their own for the first time. Admiring the attempt at dressing themselves for the first time and championing the pants, dress, and sunglasses combo they chose.
The small moments like pictures they draw for you, Christmas pajamas, movie nights, snuggles on the couch, and basketball games in the driveway. It’s little things you will miss most when they grow up. It’s the little things that fill my heart with the most joy now.
Embrace the Mess
The days of toys on the floors, stains on the couch, and crumbs in the weirdest places will come to an end. Piles of laundry will dwindle, sippy cups will gather dust, and the messes they make will disappear. I felt that I was keeping up with a mess all the time. There was always something to scrub and clean. There were days when I yelled because of the toys all over the floor. Thankfully my youngest still leaves toys for me to find and piles of books on the table, but I know that soon those toys will be traded in for other things.
The messes are temporary, yet they are beautiful because they are markers of fun, laughter, and joy. Piles of laundry mark people in your home to love and treasure. You may not believe it right now, but you will miss it. Every bit of it.
Fix Your Eyes on What Matters Most
There is no greater joy than teaching your children about Christ. As a mom, be in the Word and teach your children the Word. Allow them to ask questions and be ready to answer. Be ready to say, "I don't know the answer, but we can find it together." Pray with them. Read the Word with them. Take them to church. Challenge them, and show them Christ in your life.
When the days are hard and you are exhausted, it is Christ who gives strength. Fix your eyes on Christ. He is the one who blessed you with your children, and He is the one you will lean on as they grow up and spread their wings.
Laugh in the Chaos
In the chaotic days, I think I spent more time crying than rejoicing. I think I spent more time frustrated than laughing. In the chaos, it's ok to wipe the tears and laugh. The hard things are what shape us. The days that feel like too much will quickly be behind us. When my boys would get in trouble, almost every time they would do or say something cute, and in the middle of my anger, I would smile or laugh.
Give yourself grace; they are learning, and so are you. Laugh and rejoice.
During our homeschool days, when they were little and nothing was clicking and frustration was high, we would stop everything and go outside. We would take a trip to the park or head out for a sweet treat. The chaos and frustrations fade when we focus on joy.
Let Them Be Little
One thing I miss the most is the days of building forts, endless movie night snuggles on the couch, and rocking them to sleep. When days are challenging, these are the first things we wish away. When we are roped into the same movie for the millionth time we think of all the other things that need to be done. When the forts are built we dwell on the messes made.
We want them to grow up. We want the messes to be fewer, and yet when the messes fade, we miss them. We want them back. We realize they were a gift, a sign of life in your home.
Make It a Big Deal
Celebrate everything big. Movie nights, Christmas pajama campouts, couch snuggles, school achievements, and anything important to them. Make it a big deal. Linger on every hug, and don’t let go first.
There will be days when they finally get those fraction problems right, when they don't fall off their bike, and when they finally memorize that Bible verse. Celebrate it. Make it a big deal.
Looking back now, I don’t despise the phrase “They grow up fast” because I feel it deeply. A mixture of grief and joy watching my kids grow up and figure out who they are. I can look back on their time growing up and know that God has been so good and so faithful. I can look back and sit in gratitude for the time I was given to raise and love them. I can look forward to the future of watching them be the incredible people God made them to be and watch them step into families of their own. When they have beautiful children of their own, I can remind them, “They grow up fast.”
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/recep-bg
Michelle Rabon is helping women be disciples who make disciples. Michelle has her MDiv in Ministry to Women from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and is currently serving as Women’s Ministry Director in her local church. She is also the author of Holy Mess. When she is not writing or teaching, she enjoys reading, being close to the ocean, and drinking a lot of coffee. You can connect with Michelle at www.michellerabon.com
