Maybe becoming the mom God means for us to be is simply... following His bidding another day, another moment, another surrender.
Adapted from You’re Still a Good Mom by Hallie Dye (© 2025). Published by Moody Publishers. Used by permission.
Several summers ago, we joined a gym. I promise it is first and foremost a gym, but I’ll be honest—the pool, the splash pad, and the snack bar sold me. The week we joined, my husband, Andrew, who is fun and adventurous, came home from work and suggested we take the kids to swim before dinner. Having been at home all day, I wanted to be excited at that moment. I really did. I loved those family amenities in theory. I tried to match his enthusiasm without effort or hesitation. I wanted, for once in my life, to be the fun mom. But deep down, I had to psych myself up. Deep down, I was at war with myself to make it fun for the kids because, quite honestly, the thought of getting everyone ready and spending the evening there stressed me out.
To be fair, our kids were four, three, and one at the time. Not one of them knew how to swim, and to point out the obvious yet ridiculously hard truth: there were three of them and two of us. Having three children, we’ve found, is moving from man-to-man defense into zone defense. And I’m not the most athletically inclined, so zone defense next to pools of open water isn’t exactly my idea of a good time. For these reasons, I internally struggled to correct my mood.
I was able to suck it up because I wanted to be the perfect mom pictured in my head so badly. We went straight to the splash pad, and the kids loved it! I mean, sure, there were some tears, and sure, we forgot the swim diaper, and sure, the concrete was scorching hot, but it really was a fun six minutes. After we exhausted the entertainment of the splash pad, they were ready to move to the pool. To their dismay, we passed by the large pool full of adolescents and arrived at the much smaller, much more deserted kiddie pool. Even so, it took constant watching to make sure someone didn’t drown, everyone played nice, and the not-swim-diaper didn’t explode. (Have I mentioned the glass gym on the second story overlooks the pool and the harried pool-goers?) After enough pent-up worry, I suggested we go. It was nearing dinner, and I knew we’d abruptly have five hangry wet people on our hands if we didn’t head out soon.
The kids had a great time, Andrew had a great time, and honestly, I considered it a success, too. However, on the way home, I couldn’t shake the inner turmoil from before. It wasn’t even really about the pool—it was something much deeper the experience merely touched on.
When we were almost home, the kids were preoccupied with talking and playing in the back seat, and I finally voiced to Andrew what was troubling me, “I just want to be the fun mom who is always loving and kind.” I’m an external processor and needed to say it out loud, but I also fully expected him to assure me without pause that I was indeed all those things. Following this, I would have unquestionably chucked out all his well-meaning words since he’s biased and loves me to a fault. Except, much to my surprise, he didn’t. Instead, what he said caught me so off guard that it will subsequently stay with me for the rest of my life.
“Do you want a God who is always fun and loving and kind?” he asked.
That made me stop. Andrew’s question had me jerking my head back—the way you do when you’re taken aback—as if by exposing a double chin, we can better assess the situation. It was a question I truthfully wasn’t sure how to answer. I mean, those are great qualities and characteristics I do believe God has, but to sum Him up as such? That seemed... small and insufficient. Knowing that we have absolutely no say in who God is, I chose to play along and finally landed on, “Well, I want a God that is good.” Andrew paused for a split second, almost as if he knew what I would say, and then his next words were more life-giving than anything else he could have ever told me. “Exactly,” he said. “And that encompasses a lot more than just fun and loving and kind. And that’s what you’re giving our kids.”
As I thought about what Andrew said, and okay, cried a little as that truth seeped deep into a weary soul that had unknowingly craved those exact words, I realized something. I couldn’t simply respond with an easy “yes” to his question because, while I think those qualities sound nice, I ultimately knew deep down that I wanted a God who does the hard things and pushes me to do the hard things. I love that God isn’t just good but is for our good and works all things for our good— even the ugly mess. I love that my mess and mistakes don’t throw Him off. I love that He’s safe when my circumstances aren’t. His plans and my story won’t always be fun. They won’t always feel loving and kind, but they are. He always works things out for our good and His purposes. And as I grow, I realize I want that more than I want what I want—to be the perfect fun mom.
Perhaps the leading cause of feeling like a failure in motherhood does not come from any standards God has set at all but unspoken standards set by us and the world. Often, what we define as a “good” mom is simply one who is currently liked by her kids. But just like me, my kids won’t always enjoy what’s truly for their good. They won’t always like what they need, and by extension, they might not like me every minute of every day. My job in becoming a good mom isn’t to be liked—it’s to love them enough to be what they need despite what they want.
Perhaps becoming a good mom does not mean never failing, as we know this to be an impossible task on the very first night of being a mom. Maybe becoming the mom God means for us to be is simply being a woman who, though she falls short, always turns back to the One who never does, following His bidding another day, another moment, another surrender. Perhaps being and becoming faithfully who He calls us to be today is enough. Maybe faithfulness is found just as much in our humble turning back as it is in the moments we excel.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/evgenyatamanenko
Hallie Dye is a wife of 13 years and mom to 3 spirited children in Monroe, Louisiana. Hallie is the host of The Saltworks podcast and founder of the Saltworks Ministries. Encouraging everyday people to share their stories of incredible faith one Tuesday at a time, the Saltworks is a place where we can both connect from all walks of life and be encouraged to live boldly for Christ no matter our occupation or situation. Hallie and her husband teach a life group for 20–40s at their local church, and she loves speaking at events when able. When she’s not studying, recording, or writing, you can find her with friends and family, eating Louisiana soul food, or reading a fiction novel before bed.
