As I drove to work one cold and rainy Thursday morning, I saw my midwife’s name pop up on caller ID. My heart sank, and something within told me it wouldn’t be good news. As she uttered the words “there was no heartbeat in the ultrasound,” I let out a deep groan I’ve never expressed before. Tears flooded my eyes and blurred the road before me. I knew, in an instant, my world had been turned upside down and it would never be the same.
For two weeks, I carried my little one until I birthed his or her small body. Then, less than a week later, I buried my little one in my grandfather’s wildflower field on the farm. Those days were long, and my understanding short.
Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a child—absolutely nothing in this world. And when grief comes crashing in like a tidal wave and anger sets in, for many, our rationale wants to move God from ally to enemy of our hearts. Those few weeks were the darkest in my life.
I want to say, first and foremost, if you’ve lost a child, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. No words could ever heal your heart, and no time passed will erase the pain you’re experiencing.
I know how normal it is for anger and doubt to set in—how easy it is to start questioning God’s goodness. Part of the healing process is going through the various emotions that accompany grief, and certainly, God can handle it. But what do you do with all that hurt, and how do you process all the questions bombarding your fragile spirit? How do you move on from that place of despair?
I found hope in the darkness.I found comfort in knowing that my baby is with Jesus. That he or she will never have to know loss, pain, cold, grief, disappointment, or sorrow. That all their soul will ever know is joy and the presence of God. And although I won’t be able to embrace this beautiful soul now, one day I will. Our meeting is only delayed, not stolen.
If you love Jesus and have committed your life to following Him, then you can be confident in knowing that one day you will meet your miscarried baby. Let’s explore a few passages that remind us of this truth.
1. Every human being conceived is made in the image of God.
“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them...” (Genesis 1:27)
Your little one was created by the Father in His image. And His image likeness is goodness and love. Furthermore, Jesus came for all people, so His death and resurrection was a sacrifice not just for the born, but the unborn. Your child is redeemable.
2. There is grace for infants and children.
There is this idea called the “age of accountability” that is widely accepted by Christians. It states that there is grace for children until they come to an age of truly understanding right and wrong—to be able to comprehend grace and salvation. Though this term is not specifically used in Scripture, there are a few verses that support it.
In 2 Samuel 12, David loses his infant son. When he learns of the child’s death, his servants are surprised that he gets up from his fasting and weeping. Then David expresses, “...I shall go to him, but he will not return to me” (2 Samuel 12:23). This implies that David believed he would be reunited with his child one day.
In another supporting passage, Isaiah 7:15-16 indicates that children aren’t held responsible for their actions until they reach a certain age. That age is not given in Scripture, and it’s likely different for each child. However, a baby is certainly considered innocent by this reference.
In one last reference, we see in Luke 18 that Jesus loves children. He says this as he blesses them in verses 15-16: “People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’”
Jesus says that these babies belong to the kingdom of God. Why would Jesus bless a baby if they were destined for hell?
3. God works all things together for good.
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” (Romans 8:26-28)
We see throughout the Bible God’s care and grace for infants and children. This extends to the unborn, who were created in the image of God. Your unborn baby is in heaven with Jesus, and that’s a joy we don’t know yet. But one day, for those who are believers, we can look forward to a reunion in His presence.
Please know, although the darkness is overwhelming, there is light. There is goodness and hope to be found. There is a beautiful and loving God who wants to scoop you up in His strong arms and hold you close.
Although, in dark times, we often want to pull away from Him, it’s in these trials that we must press in even harder. Pressing in is where we find Him and hear His voice—see His goodness. Because God is good and does work all things for good, even if we can’t see it.
Believe me, I know it’s hard to see how good can come from your loss. Who knows why your baby passed on but God? Whatever the case may be, you still get to be the parent of that beautiful child. And, however brief, your child’s life brought joy to this world.
