Four years ago I shared with you how my husband became my best friend. What I didn’t dive into was how I watched him embrace me as his best friend, too — a role I consider equally as special as being his wife.
If you and your husband have lost touch or find yourself in a bit of a funk, don’t lose hope! While you cannot control his actions, you CAN control yours. Choose to think and act in ways that show him you are worthy of being his best friend.
Here are 10 ways to help you get back in the groove of being his best friend:
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1. Encourage His Friendships
One of the best decisions we made as a couple was that we’d always encourage one another to have a social life outside of our marriage. It’s healthy to have friends and to spend time with them! Consider encouraging your husband to have a monthly pool or poker night with his guy friends. Be happy for him when he has fun things to do!
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2. Pray With and For Him
Some of my sweetest moments with my husband, Andy, are when we pray aloud for our marriage and for one another. Praise God for your husband and ask Him for things you see your husband needs. For example:
Thank you for pairing me with this man. I so admire the way he X and Y. Lord, give him peace as he goes into his job interview tomorrow. Give him boldness when he asks his boss for a raise. Increase his ability to forgive as he wrestles with the hurt his family member has caused him. (You get my drift.)
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3. Get Physical!
While I do think sex is super important in a marriage, I don’t want to give the message that sex is the ONLY thing your husband wants from you or should get from you. I am proud to be Andy’s best friend and his lover. The closer you become emotionally, the closer you will become physically—and vice versa! But there are more ways than sex to become physically close with someone. Hold his hand, rub his back, or squeeze his butt! My husband particularly loves foot rubs.
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4. Be Vulnerable
Friend, don’t believe the lie that men hate emotions and your husband will be turned off by your feelings. Your marriage will be lonely if you cannot share your emotions with one another. Your husband asked for your hand in marriage because he loves you. He chose YOU! He might not know how to respond to your feelings (that’s normal), but by sharing them, you’re showing you trust him.
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5. Do The Thing He Loves For You To Do
I clearly remember the time Andy turned to me while driving and said, “Thank you for learning how to cook. I love eating your food.”
Wow! Knowing my husband loves to eat my food helps give me energy to cook on nights when I’d rather order pizza. (Not to say we never order pizza!) However, I have many female friends whose husbands are the cooks in their family, and that might be the case for you. Whatever it is, find the thing your husband appreciates and try to do it for him. Andy does the dishes every night to serve me and show me love, and it’s amazing.
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6. Praise His Looks
Who doesn’t love to be complimented? My personality type is such that I naturally compliment people often. It comes easy to me. I know not everyone is wired the same way, though, so if you don’t often compliment your husband I urge you to start now! It can be as simple as, “You look great!” Or as tender as, “Babe, I still get lost in your eyes.”
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7. Praise His Work
Men are under a lot of pressure to provide for their families. As your man’s wife, you have a special ability to build him up or tear him down. Use your words to affirm him. Show interest in his job responsibilities and his coworkers.
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8. Engage In At Least One Activity He Enjoys
You don’t need to learn how to golf, play video games, DIY a bookshelf, and fry chicken wings to impress your husband and connect with him—but try engaging in one thing. I’m not a huge sports fan, but I discovered I love sports documentaries! I’m terrible at golf, but I enjoy going to the driving range and asking Andy for pointers. It is normal and healthy for couples to have different interests, but if you do everything separate all of the time, you’ll never feel fully connected.
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9. Pursue Him
Imagine my surprise when I told Andy I desired to be pursued more often and he responded, “I don’t think I should be the only one who pursues. I would love for you to pursue me sometime!” Consider the ways your husband might feel pursued. Would he be bowled over if you surprised him with tickets to the movies? Could you invite him to join you on your morning walk? This brings me to my last suggestion...
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10. Let Him Know You Need Him
As strong and capable women, we are great at filling up our schedules and ticking off to-do lists. We don’t always realize that by being busy, we are signaling to others that they’re not as important as our tasks. Your man is probably crazy proud of you for being a go-getter, but I bet he loves when you ask him for help or create space in your schedule for times of connection. I used to be embarrassed when I asked Andy for help, but now I see it as a way of showing him that I value his input and view him as my partner in parenting, housekeeping, and life in general.
Laura Rennie lives in Maryland with her husband and daughter. She loves reading, writing and playing word games. Her greatest desire is to share Jesus through her words and actions as she learns how to be a better wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend. She blogs at laurarennieinteriors.com.
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Originally published Thursday, 15 March 2018.
