But, while the world would want to convince us (and our men) that we don’t need them and that we can run on “girl power” alone, God made each of us for so much more!
"I love you."
"You are amazing."
"Gosh, you’re cute!"
"You’re my man."
"Thanks for everything."
Girl, there are lots of things we can say that can really make our hubby’s hearts melt. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to hear how cute and amazing he is? Well, let me start by saying there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to saying words that will affirm your guy and make him slowly become putty in your hands, but there are three words that will not only encourage and support him as a man, husband, and father but will also help him keep going strong, allowing him to the man God is calling him to be! What wife doesn’t want that!? So, without further ado, let’s address those three words, shall we?
"I Need You!"
Yep, those are the words. Just going to go ahead and lay them out all up front. No need to scroll down to the bottom of this article in search of them. Here they are! The words your husband needs to hear right now - "I need you!"
"So, what’s the big deal with these words?," you may ask. They sound simple enough, right?
Well, for starters, these three little words let your dear husband know that he is valuable and important while also proclaiming honor and respect. But, in all honesty, it goes deeper than that. It starts with a notion on your part. Take a moment to reflect on the beginning of your love story. Where it all began. Do you remember that “need” to see him? To feel his closeness or hear the sound of his voice?
Early on in our marriages (or even when we were dating), there was a sense of excitement that came with the newness of that blossoming relationship. There was also a desperate need to be together. You needed him. And he needed you. So, essentially, “needing each other” and wanting to do life together gave way to a proposal that was essentially sealed with a kiss. Aww, newlywed love is so precious, isn’t it?
But, that tender and sweet love doesn’t have to end there! We have the opportunity to continue to grow our love for one another, and that begins with placing our spouse’s needs above our own, striving to outdo one another in service (Romans 12:10). Some of your sweet hubby’s basic needs include feeling respected and admired (Ephesians 5:22-23), coming home to a peaceful environment (Proverbs 19:13 and 21:9), feeling sexually desirable (Corinthians 7:1-7), and the sense of real companionship (Song of Solomen 8:1-2).
The bottom line here is that when we say, “I need you,” it opens the door to meet so many of his needs and encourages him to be the husband and man you need him to be. Saying, “I need you to know I see all that you are doing for our family,” gives him the respect he desires. Saying, “I need you to come sit with me and tell me about your day,” allows him to feel that welcomed peace when he comes home from a long day at work. And simply just saying, “I need you,” with a passionate sparkle of “want” in your eye gives him the assurance that he is still desirable.
Your Husband Needs to Know He Is Needed
Men and women may have different needs, but these needs were meant to complement one another, not something we hold over their heads or use as a means to compete with them for love. When we show and tell our husbands that we need them, and they do the same in return, something truly beautiful emerges – we begin to experience sacrificial love and God’s divine design for our marriages.
That means we can foster and support our husband’s innate need to provide for and protect his loved ones because it is essentially a part of their DNA, given to them by the Creator. We see time and time again in The Word men leading and providing for their families. Yet, on the other hand, we also see how men failed to provide or lead well due to insecurities, cowering in fear, or many times due to the lack of support from their wives. Moses, Isaiah, and Abraham are just a few men who struggled in this area.
The truth of the matter is that your husband essentially needs to know that you need his leadership, provision, and protection. Sure, we are capable of much and have the ability to do many great things. I believe we even have an inner strength that men do not naturally possess since we have the ability to tap into a wealth of emotions to survive and thrive.
But, while the world would want to convince us (and our men) that we don’t need them and that we can run on “girl power” alone, God made each of us for so much more! God designed a woman to be a helper because He saw that man was no good on his own (Genesis 2:18). Being made from Adam’s rib (not any other part of his body), we were designed to be joined by his side, to be his faithful companion.
God made man in such a way that he yearns to protect, provide, and care for his closest and most valuable companion. We were made in a way to long to be provided and cared for. When this need isn’t met (for either side), a marriage can truly suffer. So, tell your husband you need him. You need his leadership, his protection, and his provision. Then support him in those efforts, as this shows admiration, respect, and trust, giving him that sense of companionship he so deeply craves from you.
Our Delivery Matters
"I need you…to take out the trash."
"I need you... to help with dinner."
"I need you... to stop yelling at the kids."
"I need you... to lighten up."
"I need you…"
You get the picture. It’s so easy to pick out the things our man didn’t do or call out the things we find annoying or even hurtful, causing us to quickly spew out emotional words that come across as nagging or casting blame. Ugh. Let’s just say your man will most likely become more defensive than the linebacker on his favorite football team.
We will all mess up from time to time and say words we regret or may even have a few scars on our tongues to keep from saying those wretched things we so badly want to say. So, the next time you want to say, “I need you” in a not-so-friendly way, pause and seek to understand the nature of your heart. Take a step back if you need to cool down and then try another approach because the delivery of our words can either prompt our man to react in love or cause them to land on deaf ears.
One of my favorite movies is The Princess Bride. If you are familiar with this somewhat cheesy 80’s rom-com, then you are well aware of the demands and orders Princess Buttercup gives to the farm boy, Westley. From polishing her horse’s saddle to filling jugs with water, she does this with a piercing gaze into his soul all while adding a tender “please” at the end of her command, prompting his swoon-worthy response to be, “As you wish.”
Why does he respond this way? Because he feels like she truly needs him, and him only, to provide and care for her. Could you imagine if we asked our husbands for things that we needed in the same way? Picture it now, you gaze into your husband's eyes and sweetly say, “Darling, I need you to be that handsome man of mine and create a fire to keep us all warm.” His response may not exactly be “As you wish,” but I'm pretty sure it will get his attention. Ha!
Sis, your delivery matters. What you say is, in fact, important, but even more important is the way you choose to say it.
A Prayer for Your Marriage
Gracious God, I lift up our marriages to You. Please give us the ability to see and meet the needs of our husbands and use our words wisely. Give us the means to encourage our husbands and help us complement one another. We love that you gave us the beautiful gift of marriage, so please help us to take care of it. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic
