It happens to all of us at one point or another in life. Maybe you’re going through a hard time. Or, you’re simply oblivious as to how you are coming off to others. Lately, you’ve noticed that your friends don’t call as much as they used to. In fact, they don’t call at all. You’ve come out of your huddle only to realize that you are standing there completely alone. What’s happened? Are the following behaviors driving people away from you?
Passive Aggression
I have a theory: People who are passive aggressive are fully aware of their behavior. I actually had a conversation once with someone who bragged at how they could say mean things in the nicest of ways, thus getting what they wanted without actually being mean. Ahem. If you use this behavior around your friends, the only person who actually believes that you are unaware of your passive aggressiveness is you. If you have a problem with a friend, it’s much easier to just say what the problem is than to risk losing a friend over a series of passive aggressive behaviors.
Cling Wrap
Everyone longs to have someone to be close to. A best friend. A confidant. Someone who knows us like no other. But, at the end of the day, we also want that person to have their own life. You know? So we can give as much as we take. When you’re clingy, you make another person’s life more important than your own. You don’t allow them to be a true friend. And, you give them the urge to push you as far away as possible. Be fair. Allow yourself and your friend room to breathe.
Me Time
Did you look at Cling Wrap and think to yourself: Never! Not me! Consider this, maybe that’s because you’re too into… well… you. This is the anti-clingy. You don’t care about another person’s life because somehow the conversation always leads back to you. They had a bad day? Yours was worse. They are breaking up with their boyfriend? You’re thinking about doing the same. They just found out that their car rolled down a hill, into a pet shop, and set it on fire? You burned your finger on the stove this morning. While we can all get wrapped up in ourselves at times, make sure you focus on your friends and their times of need to, or you’ll soon find yourself alone during yours.
Debbie Downer
Ok, maybe life has been hard recently. In fact, maybe you can make a strong case that you’ve never had a single day of fairness in your entire life. And while your friends have made great efforts to help you through, you never actually seem to recover. In fact, you keep harping on the unfairness of life, or how everyone and everything is joyless. Debbie, you’re bringing your friends down. Think positively. Or, at least, save the complaining about life for times when you actually need a boost. No one person can constantly be your booster. But, they will eventually boot you out of their circle of friends for the sake of their own peace in life.
You Don’t Hide Your Laundry
Back in the olden days, it took time and effort for people to find out about your personal life. A grapevine existed that could take weeks to make the gossip rounds. You were mad at your bestie? No one might know until you shunned her by walking away in public. Now? All it takes is a simple click of the button and the entire world of social media knows how you feel. Are you sharing TMI (too much information) on social media outlets? Are you hinting at things people are doing that are making you mad (see Passive Aggressive above). Don’t hide behind your computer while airing your dirty laundry to the world. Show respect for your friends and their privacy. Use social media for good—encourage your friends instead.
Do you hear that? That’s your phone ringing again. Once you stop these behaviors that have a way of sabotaging friendships, you have a chance to make amends and move forward into stronger and longer friendships. There’s no better rule in friendship than the Golden Rule: simply treat them as you would like to be treated. Be a friend to have great friends.
Laura Polk is a writer, speaker, and textile designer residing in North Carolina with her three children. Since becoming a single mom, her passion to minister to this group has led her to encourage successful single mom living through The Christian Single Mom on Facebook. Follow her journey through her blog or get a glimpse into her quirky thoughts and inspirations for design and writing on Pinterest.
Publication date: October 23, 2015
