The beginning of marriage goes back almost to the beginning of the Bible. In Genesis 2:18-24 we read about God recognizing that Adam needs a companion suitable for him. The animals wouldn’t do, so God created the woman, Eve. Adam’s pronouncement on seeing Eve is a beautiful representation of the joy, companionship, and connection that God intended for marriage.
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man,” Adam declares (Genesis 2:23, ESV).
Marriage itself is a gift from the God who gives all good gifts to his children (James 1:17). Just as God gave Adam a companion, it is within his will that many of us have partners with whom to go through life.
You will know, though, if you are married (or perhaps even if you are not) that marriage is not always as joy-filled and easy as Adam’s first pronouncement upon seeing Eve might seem to indicate.
The more you live with someone and get to know them, the more they tend to not live up to your expectations and the more we are faced with our own flaws.
My husband and I have been married nearly five years, which I know is likely a much shorter time than many of you dear readers, but in those five years we have already seen so many ups and downs, arguments and reconciliation, wins and losses, good times and bad.
We don’t know how long Adam and Eve were married before the Fall and before sin entered the world with the accompanying trials for Adam and Eve and all the men and women who would come after them (work would be hard and stressful, childbirth would be difficult and painful), but we do know that they had to work through these trials together. And although they were faced with the massive fallout from their disobedience to God, God still blessed their marriage. This is evident when we see that God still cared for them (he made clothes for them, and he blessed them with children). But on an even broader scale, God promised a way back in Genesis 3 that someone would be born from Adam and Eve’s union who would destroy sin and the devil (Genesis 3:14-15). In the very midst of God’s rebuke to Adam and Eve after they sinned and disobeyed him, he includes words of hope.
In a myriad of (likely much smaller but still significant) ways, God also encourages us in our relationship with him as part of his bride, the Church, and in our earthly marriages. Although tainted by the Fall like all things, marriage is still a blessing from the Lord, and through it, God intends for us to enjoy his good gifts.
Let’s look at five of those gifts.
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What We Know about the First Marriage
We don’t know how long Adam and Eve were married before the Fall and before sin entered the world with the accompanying trials for Adam and Eve and all the men and women who would come after them (work would be hard and stressful, childbirth would be difficult and painful), but we do know that they had to work through these trials together. And although they were faced with the massive fallout from their disobedience to God, God still blessed their marriage. This is evident when we see that God still cared for them (he made clothes for them, and he blessed them with children). But on an even broader scale, God promised a way back in Genesis 3 that someone would be born from Adam and Eve’s union who would destroy sin and the devil (Genesis 3:14-15). In the very midst of God’s rebuke to Adam and Eve after they sinned and disobeyed him, he includes words of hope.
In a myriad of (likely much smaller but still significant) ways, God also encourages us in our relationship with him as part of his bride, the Church, and in our earthly marriages. Although tainted by the Fall like all things, marriage is still a blessing from the Lord, and through it, God intends for us to enjoy his good gifts.
Let’s look at five of those gifts.
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1. Companionship
Adam immediately recognized that Eve was the ideal companion for him. He recognized that Eve, being a woman, was so similar to him. And yet we know that men and women can often seem so indescribably different! But what a wonderful reminder of our alikeness, our compatibility. It is also noteworthy that Scripture doesn’t mention the procreating aspect of marriage 'till a whole chapter later, after the Fall. At the beginning, Scripture highlights Adam and Eve’s companionship.
This is often one of the easiest things to lose in a relationship. If you think back to when you first started dating, you likely remember how much you simply enjoyed being in that person’s company. It probably didn’t matter too much where you went—but it mattered a great deal that you were together and had the opportunity to talk with one another, share your hopes and dreams, your memories, your background, and your opinions on various subjects. After you have been married for a while, it can be difficult to maintain this aspect of your relationship; life gets busy and we get used to each other. We need to be conscious of prioritizing one another. A great way to invest time with your partner while still fulfilling the tasks on your list is to do the mundane things together, such as grocery shopping, going to the mechanic’s shop, or cooking dinner. Grocery shopping is something my husband and I enjoy doing together since the task at hand often gives us the opportunity to talk about our week and catch up with each other (“Should we buy ground beef this week? Oh yeah, we need to buy that because I’m making chili for our neighbors who we’re having over for dinner. How do you think that dinner will go? What else do you think they’d like?”—you get the idea).
You don’t have to make companionship something super deep or “ultra-spiritual.” I’ve found that simply accomplishing essential tasks with my husband is a way to experience the blessing of companionship in my marriage.
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2. The Joy of Serving Together
Giving of your time and resources is a great way to draw closer together as a couple, and of course, it’s wonderful that you are caring for the needs of others. Your church likely has many opportunities for you to serve together with your partner. Many couples in our church serve in nursery together, some are on the worship team, and others volunteer in the community to help the homeless or tutor children. My husband and I both greatly enjoy hospitality and hosting others, so one of our favorite ways to give of our time and resources is to invite people over and simply share our living space, laughter, and food.
Like companionship, serving doesn’t have to be complicated or super planned out; it can be as simple as inviting a neighbor over for dinner on a Tuesday evening. And though you are giving of your time and resources, you will likely find that those you are serving are not the only ones being blessed. Scripture instructs us to “bear one another’s burdens,” (Galatians 6:2), and the joy of working toward this goal with your spouse is a great gift. Moving toward the shared goal of helping others and making them feel loved often works to bolster your own relationship.
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3. Empathy and Compassion
Marriage will definitely show you your real motivations—and often your flaws, but it will also show you the need for empathy and compassion, and not only for your spouse, but for yourself. When you live so closely with another person, you will be faced with their fears, doubts, worries, and struggles, and although it’s difficult to share these burdens with someone you love, doing so teaches us empathy—and that’s a great gift. Something that I have been thinking about in my marriage recently is how to truly love my husband how he needs to be loved. This is oftentimes extremely different from how I need to be shown love, but I’ve been trying to listen better when he voices what he needs so that I can truly empathize with him. I’ve realized this involves going beyond putting myself in his shoes. Oftentimes, putting myself in his shoes makes me think about how I would feel in a given situation, instead of trying to understand how he feels—and then how I should act in response to help him.
Marriage has also—little by little—helped me to be more compassionate toward myself. I’m a driven, goal-oriented person, and oftentimes I am disappointed in myself when I don’t live up to my own lofty expectations. I’m good at setting goals and usually achieving them, but I’m not good at getting back up and trying again if I fail or continuing to trust God when a plan falls through. My husband has helped me to have more compassion toward myself during these times because he reiterates that his love is not based on what I do or don’t do, have done or will do. This is a huge gift to me, especially since it also reminds me of the nature of God’s love for me.
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4. Sacrifice
Sacrifice—a gift? It may seem counter-intuitive, but then, that is often how God’s Kingdom works. When we surrender what we want for the sake of loving someone else, we are blessed too. Not in the way we might expect, but the joy found through sacrifice and giving up one’s desires has the power to release us from the prison of self-centered thinking. And that is a gift.
There are few relationships that require sacrifice like marriage does. Even if you and your partner share many of the same personality traits and goals, there will be times when you disagree and you will have an opportunity to give up what you want for the sake of your spouse. This doesn’t mean that you cease to have an opinion or even that your thoughts and feelings aren’t valid, but choosing to follow in Christ’s footsteps and surrender to God’s will is a blessing for your marriage. Your spouse may not recognize your actions right away, but if you make a pattern of it and choose joy through the process, he or she will likely begin to change as well.
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5. Learning Together
Learning together may mean being okay with taking a class on cooking when you don’t love cooking like your spouse does or it may mean going to see your husband’s favorite sports team play, even though you don’t enjoy the sport like he does. Learning with your spouse requires you to be open to learning the new skill or being interested in the new subject, but most of all, it requires you to be open to learning about your spouse. Why do they enjoy this activity? What made it important to them? Learning together comes with the gift of growing closer to one another. This can happen even in practical matters. Last year, my husband and I bought our first house, and we learned a lot together about the kind of house we wanted, what a good price point looked like, what area of the city we wanted to live in, the value of a home, and all the minutiae of an offer letter, insurance, and a mortgage. It was a gift to be able to do these things together, even if they weren’t always fun, and sometimes even overwhelming. But engaging in the process together drew us closer and made our house more of a home because we worked toward achieving it together.
These are just five gifts that God intended for you to enjoy in your marriage. Marriage is meant to be a blessing to you and your spouse, and to those around you. There are many more gifts that you can discover as you and your spouse seek to pursue the Lord together.
Veronica Neffinger wrote her first poem at age seven and went on to study English in college, focusing on 18th century literature. When she is not listening to baseball games, enjoying the outdoors, or reading, she can be found mostly in Richmond, VA writing primarily about nature, nostalgia, faith, family, and Jane Austen.
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Originally published Monday, 02 March 2020.
