I hope if I find myself in need of forgiveness and a second chance, I will have a friend who loves me enough to stick around and help restore me to community.
I remember Corey saying, “I haven’t seen you laugh like that in a long time.”
He was right. It had been a long time. And it felt so good.
We sat at the kitchen table with two of our dearest friends. Me trying to catch my breath, tears rolling down my cheeks. The others laughing at my laughter.
It was New Year’s Eve, and we were playing a variation of Pictionary. I’d just drawn a hippopotamus on a whiteboard. Needless to say ,it didn’t look like a hippopotamus. It barely passed for an animal. And I could not stop laughing at my lack of artistic ability.
Someone guessed that it was a goat. We moved on to the next word and finished out the game. It was just a laid-back night with friends, and it was just a silly game. But when I think back on it, it was more than that. It was a life-giving moment at the end of a very trying year. Silliness with people you love can be a great salve on a wound.
What a gift friendship is. But good friendships don’t just happen. To get to the joy of the silly, you often have to put in the work of sacrifice.
The Bible provides some lovely examples of what that kind of sacrificial love in friendship looks like:
Ruth and Naomi (The Book of Ruth)
When Ruth’s husband died, her mother-in-law urged her to go back to her family and find another husband. She wanted to spare Ruth a future of hardship and encouraged her to go in search of a fulfilling life elsewhere.
But Ruth stayed. She willingly sacrificed her future to give the gift of commitment and friendship to her mother-in-law. This sacrifice made a way for God to provide the spouse he desired for Ruth and give her a spot in the genealogy of Jesus. She had no way of knowing that would be the result when she committed the rest of her years to Naomi. She just knew that she was going to sacrifice her own comfort to stay with her friend.
What an example to us to stay when it would be easier to go. Most of us won’t experience such challenging circumstances, but we will be given opportunities to sacrifice our time for our friends.
A couple of years ago, I found myself facing 16 rounds of chemotherapy and a slew of other medical appointments. Corey went to as many of these as he could, but when he couldn’t be there, Sandy often was. She gave up many days to drive me to the clinic and sit with me for several hours while the meds dripped into my port. She gave me the gift of her time, even when it was inconvenient for her. And we look back at those days on the chemo floor as both awful and wonderful. Friendships are built in trying times.
David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 20)
When he was just a boy, David was anointed by Samuel to become the King of Israel at the completion of Saul’s reign. But as he spent time with the royal family, he became dear friends with Jonathan, the rightful heir to the throne. Jonathan not only supported David but protected him, warning him of impending danger to his life. In doing so, he secured David’s line to the throne and nullified his own chances of ever wearing the crown. He sacrificed the kingdom for his friend.
Again, I highly doubt anyone reading this is in line for a crown, but we are all given opportunities to warn friends of impending danger in their lives.
I recently shared my frustration with an ongoing issue in my life with my dear friend, Marti. She lets me vent without judgment, and I say things to her that I wouldn’t express to most people. I’d reached a tipping point, and she kept me from going over the edge.
I was going to be presented with the opportunity to interact with someone who had hurt me, and I had a very snarky remark prepared for the occasion. Her response to me when I tried the statement out on her?
“In the end, the most effective use of your words will be with measured grace from the Holy Spirit. Anger will make you look bad; a Holy Spirit encounter with the God of Truth will pierce a hardened heart.”
That’s not really what I wanted her to say, but it’s a truth I needed to hear. And a warning that I heeded.
In the end, I removed myself from the situation where I would have had an opening to talk to this person. There may be a moment in the future when I will reach out, but I believe I will be in a better state of mind to speak the truth in love.
Jonathan warned to save David’s life. Marti warned to spare me regret.
Paul and Barnabas (Acts 9:1-31)
When Saul was transformed into Paul on the road to Emmaus, it shocked the world. Saul was known for his murderous persecution of Christians, so it’s no surprise that the Christ followers were leery of his change of heart and fearful of letting him into their lives. But Barnabas went to bat for him. He encouraged the disciples to welcome Paul. And Paul’s entry into ministry was transformative. The disciples gained a friend and a co-laborer, a man who would go on to be a pillar of the early church and write much of the New Testament.
Most of us will have an opportunity to be a Barnabas for a friend. We live in a sin-filled world, and Satan wants nothing more than to cause division and distrust among believers. He wants to draw us into sin, and once we are there, he wants others to give up on us. To not believe we can be made new again.
When you see a friend who has back-slidden come to genuine repentance, make every effort to advocate for that person. Help others see what you see. Satan wants sin to tear friendships apart, and I have personally seen him have success in that arena, but Jesus can use even the worst of our sins to show his mighty power of forgiveness and healing.
Don’t give up on that friend who has fallen. Pray, reach out if possible, and continue to love them. And when they return to Jesus, be the one to cheer them on. I hope if I find myself in need of forgiveness and a second chance, I will have a friend who loves me enough to stick around and help restore me to community.
We can’t have this kind of relationship with every friend in our lives. There is only so much of each of us to go around. But we can go deep with some friends. Consider the friends in your life God is calling you into a deeper relationship with, and take a minute to thank God for those close-knit relationships you already have.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Finn Hafemann
