We are currently living in an unprecedented time. We are facing challenges we never could have imagined we’d be facing. If you’re like me, you’ve probably realized that following a mandate to stay at home except for essential errands has revealed your (fallen) humanity more than ever.
This is especially true in relationships.
While being restricted to your home can have some upsides—perhaps you are getting more chores done, finally finding time to unpack those last moving boxes, or trying out a new recipe—living in continual close quarters with family is not always easy, even though we know we should appreciate the extra time we are getting to spend with them.
Marriages especially can be strained during this time. When you are with your husband or wife in the same home all day without time to meet with your own friends, see people from church, or even encounter strangers out shopping, nerves can wear thin quickly. So, how are you and your spouse faring in these challenging times of COVID-19? Do you need to reset your relationship and find some new strategies for ensuring your marriage is the healthy, sanctifying, and beautiful gift God intended?
Here are 5 things to consider as you seek to draw closer to God and to your spouse during this quarantine.
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1. Set designated times to purposefully spend together.
Just because you are in the same house together all day doesn’t mean you are spending quality time together. Especially if you know that quality time is your love language, carving out intentional time with your spouse will be essential. My husband and I are both working from home, so we actually don’t see each other a lot during the weekdays, so we prioritize weekends to be together just like we did before quarantine.
We also try to designate at least a couple nights during the work week to do something together, such as go on a walk, cook dinner, or watch a movie. If there’s one thing quarantine has made me realize, it’s that dates don’t have to be elaborate. Simply enjoying coffee and watching cooking shows on Saturday morning, going for evening walks, or doing yard work have served as great quality time for myself and my husband.
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2. Set designated times to purposefully spend apart.
As much as it’s important to prioritize regular times of genuine connection throughout the week, it’s also important to set boundaries of times when you can each do your own activities. Just because you are in the same house together every day doesn’t mean you need to be together every moment. I actually have a harder time with this than my husband. He needs his space and he was used to getting it since in usual circumstances he works outside the home. Although we share many interests and have many things in common, it’s healthy for our emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing that we set aside time to do our own activities.
For example, my husband and I have decided to exercise separately and I usually read or do a puzzle before bed while he listens to a podcast or watches a show on TV. Each person relaxes and decompresses from the day differently, so it’s important you and your spouse maintain some independence, even if it’s simply a half hour every day that you each dedicate to re-centering yourself. If you’re not already, use a time like this to sit in the Lord’s presence, and allow him and His word to renew you. You can find some devotional resources here.
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3. Enjoy time in God’s Creation.
Thankfully it’s springtime, so the weather is getting nicer and we have more opportunity to enjoy the outdoors. Even if you live in your dream home, you probably find yourself itching to get out of the house during this quarantine. Spending time outside is a great activity to boost your spirit, to remind you of God’s incredible Creation, and to connect with your spouse. My husband and I have been going on many long walks around out neighborhood. We have even run into friends who live nearby and visited with them from a distance.
My husband and I also split tasks for yard work (he takes care of the lawn and trimming the bushes while I tend the flowers and plant the vegetables). This quarantine has given us more time to be out in our yard enjoying the flowers and the myriad of growing things God has created, so we have had ample time to appreciate and admire the natural beauty as well as the work we have put into it. You don’t need to live on the shores of a pristine lake or have a majestic view of the mountains to appreciate nature, either. My husband and I live in the heart of the city, but our relatively small garden is like a sweet gift to our souls when we have had a long week.
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4. Stay connected with your church.
Like other organizations, businesses, and families, churches have found innovative ways to stay connected with their congregations during this time. Some churches are hosting online services every Sunday, some are holding Bible studies over Zoom, and others are sending out weekly emails of encouragement. This time certainly proves that the Church is more than a building! The church my husband and I attend put out a daily podcast in which staff members take turns sharing Scripture and reflections. This has been a great way to ground myself at the start of the day. It has helped realign my focus, which has helped my relationship with my husband. My husband and I have also started working through our church’s Home Worship Guide each week; we listen to the songs, read the Scripture and prayers, and listen to the message. We’ve also started taking communion together, just the two of us. This time, along with the weekly time when we continue to meet with our small group via Zoom, have been bright spots during the week and have strengthened our marriage.
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5. Remember that marriage is often a way God sanctifies you.
To sanctify means “to set apart as holy.” This is the word Christians often refer to when we are talking about becoming more like Christ. Following Christ is joyous, full of hope, and life-giving, but it is also hard. Yet God “works all things together for our good,” and he often allows our spouse to be the person who speaks truth to us when we most need it. It’s easy to become complacent with your spouse, but I encourage you to view your partner as someone you can learn from. God may have taught or is teaching them something different than you, and they probably have different gifts and talents too, so being open to the fact that God has designed marriage so that we are edified by one another can make all the difference when you are continually in close quarters.
What about you? What have you found to be effective in keeping your marriage thriving during this time of quarantine?
Veronica Olson wrote her first poem at age seven and went on to study English in college, focusing on 18th century literature. When she is not listening to baseball games, enjoying the outdoors, or reading, she can be found mostly in Richmond, VA writing primarily about nature, nostalgia, faith, family, and Jane Austen.
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Originally published Tuesday, 05 May 2020.
