We are often participants—consciously or not—in bruising and breaking events, either excusing ourselves from responsibility for our shortcomings that impact others or allowing others to inflict their questionable and problematic behaviors on us.
It seems like a whirlwind romance! He picked her up at the airport and took her to his home as a first-time guest. They stayed up all night, catching up on life and sharing memories. They talked about what was to come, grand plans for the future.
Sounds like a movie or a novel’s plot, right? But this story is about a brother and a sister who live in different states and have grown far apart over the years. With their late dad’s voice running constantly through their minds, saying, “Make sure that you pursue a relationship with your siblings!” they decided to make good on their promise to do so.
Cruising for Bruising and Brokenness
"Bruised" and "broken"—these two words are often associated with trauma or injury, normally when someone sustains a fall or has an accident. Bruising happens when you damage your small blood vessels, with the color changing from dark to light as it starts fading or healing. A broken bone's telltale signs can include bruising, often marked with pain. It's intense at times and can include possible deformity or limited range of motion.
We often describe relationships as bruised or broken—or both. Someone experiences trauma, also known as relational abuse. Mistreatment—either physical, emotional, or mental—begins to cause adverse responses such as anxiety, feelings of shame, and guilt. As the abuser or victim (or both) downplays the circumstance, sweeping it under the rug, the bruising and brokenness intensify over time. It is sometimes difficult to fully recover from this type of injury, but not impossible.
A Parable of Brokenness
In the Gospel of Luke, we have the Parable of the Prodigal Son: “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living” (15:11-13).
How often do you hear of a son or a daughter asking for his inheritance before the parent is ready to give it to him or her? And how often do you hear a parent granting his or her child’s request without so much as saying, “I am not even dead yet and you are already collecting! What if I don’t want to give you anything?”
But the father in Jesus’ parable did exactly the unexpected. He divided his property between his two children and gave his younger son his share. He didn’t question his son’s motivation or have any wise words such as, “Don’t squander what I worked hard for!” He didn't even advise, “I hope you use your inheritance as an investment for a healthy financial future.”
The son packed up and left, enjoying the wealth he could personally control. However, he destroyed himself, living the high life.
How much bruising and brokenness happened in this family? First, we have the father. He had to deal with the younger son’s request of giving his inheritance earlier than necessary. It must have broken his heart for his younger son’s choice to live a life without accountability! As for the younger son? He got his free pass! He couldn’t care less about hurting anyone’s feelings. He left to pursue his own path, leaving his family with a broken heart!
“Choices Have Consequences”
“And when [the younger son] had spent everything, a famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his field to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything” (Luke 15:14-16).
We have heard the saying, “Choices have consequences.” Here we are in the story of when the younger son already lost all his inheritance from his irresponsible lifestyle. And his life took an even harder turn with a famine. He knew he had fallen into a deep pit when the pigs on his job site were fed better than him. His undignified life and miserable state were sure signs of his brokenness.
But let’s go back to the opening story of the brother and sister. We can surmise that their choice not to pursue a relationship for many years was an easy one for them. After all, they live in different states. “Out of sight, out of mind!” as the saying goes. When the sister would visit their father, it was about a father-daughter moment, not a family gathering. The lackadaisical attitude on the brother’s part was perceived to be him not wanting a relationship with her. And since there was no real communication between them, there was no bond established. This might sound like a relational blunder that could be shrugged off... but what if the sister didn't know Christ and the brother did? This creates new stakes in the importance of maintaining healthy relationships.
We are often participants—consciously or not—in bruising and breaking events, either excusing ourselves from responsibility for our shortcomings that impact others or allowing others to inflict their questionable and problematic behaviors on us. So how do we recover from trauma and move on?
A Sweet Reunion
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” And he arose and came to his father” (Luke 15:17-19).
A wake-up call! Admitting to himself that he, the younger son, was not in good shape, his decision to go back to his father’s house and to ask for his father’s forgiveness were his first steps to recovery from his self-inflicted trauma. In his honest and humble reflection, he didn’t feel worthy to be his father’s son, a man who should enjoy the riches his father still owns. He was willing to be treated as a servant. He knew he was at the bottom of the totem pole.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him… The father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate” (Luke 15:20, 22-23).
Yes, reunions should be times of celebration! The pettiness and foolishness of the past should be set aside. But, just like the younger son’s heartfelt realization, we should see ourselves for who we truly are, especially in the sight of God. We should not discount the fact that forgiveness is important, asking for it to right the wrongs inflicted on others and granting it to ourselves so we can heal from our own bruises and brokenness.
The brother and sister celebrated their restored relationship, just like the father and his son in the parable. The sister said, “Amidst the chaos, I am thankful for your prayer and for welcoming me into your home.” The brother said, “I am thankful to the Lord that I was able to pray and lead you to Christ! That is the best gift we share today—our faith in Jesus!”
As the psalmist said, “[God] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (147:3). Let’s not walk around in pain, limping from our brokenness. It's good to be reunited with loved ones—and with our Creator!
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
Luisa Collopy is an author, speaker and a women’s Bible study teacher. She also produces Mula sa Puso (From the Heart) in Tagalog (her heart language), released on FEBC Philippines stations. Luisa loves spending time with her family over meals and karaoke!
