I have been a part of small groups ever since I first became a Christian over twenty years ago. One of the most soul shaping experiences for me have occurred during a small group meeting. This is because individuals with a common goal of growing in their spiritual lives convene regularly to share prayer requests, receive spiritual teaching and help each other apply that teaching practically to their lives. I have been a part of large numbered groups, small numbered groups, mixed gender groups and same sex groups. Although I’m not an expert in the area of small groups, I do advocate for them in every church because so much fruit results, if done right.
Here are nine ways a small group can ensure vulnerability and accountability occur:
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1. Small groups need to be small in number.
Smaller groups of three or four people are ideal get together on a weekly basis for the sole intention of spiritual growth and discipleship. Smaller numbers require all members to attend on a regular basis. Groups with larger numbers give quieter members an excuse not to come each week. If only three meet every week, members’ attendance is required to allow the group to continue.
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2. Small groups must be a safe environment.
While a small group setting is the best way for people to open up and share deeply about their lives, there is no better formula for superficiality than if a person who shares feels condemned because of their actions. While there is a place for speaking the truth in love in a small group, but trust needs to be established first. When people trust you, they are more likely to accept a challenge from you. If someone shares and another member laughs or belittles his/her feelings, that person will immediately shut down, preventing any future challenge from occurring. Establish ground rules during the first group session. Make sure each group has a strong leader who can help ensure every person’s feelings are validated and the group meets in an emotionally safe environment.
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3. Small groups need to be God driven, not agenda driven.
Often a book becomes the focus of a group, namely the Bible. While this is a wonderful way to ensure a group conversation does not derail, group time can shift from what God wants to do during the time to what the leader uses to fill awkward silences. Information does not lead to transformation; application of that information does. If a member comes in distracted by their life’s circumstances, don’t forge ahead with that week’s lesson. Start with prayer and help that member process their pain in a biblical way. If time runs out, you not only helped a brother or sister in Christ, but you have also made a disciple in the process.
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4. Small groups must be based on peer relationships.
Often small groups are run like Bible studies in that the leader assumes the role of teacher, and the others as students gleaning wisdom from the teacher. This paves the way for the perception that the leader is “higher than” and the students are there to consume information, rather than adding input to enhance the group experience. People will learn more about God’s word in a setting that allows for peer equality that way rather than a simple teacher-student relationship.
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5. Small groups need to form naturally
Merriam Webster defines organic as “Of, having or related to living organisms; having the characteristics of an organism: developing in the manner of a living plant or animal.” Organic in this sense means allowing people with common interests to come together and meet each other’s needs for community.
If organic means to develop in the manner of a living plant or animal, then it stands to reason that people are attracted to other like-minded individuals.
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"Members did not share openly because they did not feel comfortable sharing with strangers."
When my husband was an associate pastor, we had a grand idea of what we thought small groups should look like. We had this idea that small groups should contain both older and younger people, both men and woman, so that the younger people could glean wisdom from the older people and the older people could encourage them in their faith. However, members did not share openly because they did not feel comfortable sharing with strangers. Although I would love to have a group where older and younger women come together, I would rather have members feel immediately comfortable with each other rather than strangers convening due to chronological age.
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6. Accountability is a requirement, not an option.
Community is something we were made for, but it’s not something to be forced upon someone. Just as God receives delight in communing with us, we also should receive delight and enjoyment with whom we choose to spend our time. And in fighting the battle of busyness, we need to be as purposeful as possible in our time together. Accountability is key to ensure people who initially commit to a group see it through. This means not scheduling other events during the scheduled meeting time. Keep meeting times and days consistent so all members know that attendance is expected. If a leader asks members to complete lessons or do “homework” keep members accountable to make sure it is completed. Resentment builds among members who do what is required against those who don’t make the group and its requirements a priority.
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7. Small groups raise the bar on its members.
When my husband lead his first small group, each member was expected to memorize Scripture each week, do the work required and at the end of their meeting time, reproduce and lead a group on his own. You know what? Everyone did it! People will only meet the expectations that you set forth. Don’t assume people can do less work than what they can. Conversely, don’t expect people to do more work than what their current commitment level is to the group. Assess whether each person in the group has the time and resources to do the work required to help the group succeed (attend each week; do the lesson, memorize Scripture, etc.)
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8. Small groups help others discover their spiritual gifts.
1 Corinthians 14:26 says, “What then shall we say, brothers and sisters? When you come together, each of you has a hymn, or a word of instruction, a revelation, a tongue or an interpretation. Everything must be done so that the church may be built up.”
We are obligated to build up the body of Christ by helping small group members discover and develop his/her gifts. This establishes each member’s purpose not only within the group but also in the church body. This helps them draw close to God by feeling like He has given them a unique outlet to serve the body and help a church run smoothly. When gifts are discovered, intimacy develops.
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9. Small groups produce leaders.
The easiest way for a group to fail is if the leader continues to lead each week and never allows other members to take over the responsibility. Jesus spent a lot of his time with three disciples, grooming them to assume a leadership role once he went away. Small groups continue in success when other members accept the challenge, step out of their comfort zone and take a turn leading a group. This assures accountability in that each person us being held accountable to discover the gift God has given them. If a person has a leadership gift but does not use it, of what value is that to their spiritual lives or the Kingdom of God?
Small groups can be the conduits to linking the next generation to Christ. Not only that, but it will help existing attenders feel a sense of purpose. When this happens, trust is established and in the end disciples are made, which is the best fruit a small group can produce.
Michelle S. Lazurek is an award-winning author, speaker, pastor's wife and mother. Winner of the Golden Scroll Children's Book of the Year, the Enduring Light Silver Medal and the Maxwell Award, she is a member of the Christian Author's Network and the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association. She is also an associate literary agent with Wordwise Media Services. For more information, please visit her website at michellelazurek.com.
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Originally published Monday, 25 June 2018.
