Spiritual warfare is the tactic Satan uses to distract, destroy, and cause us to stumble. If we are children of God, he knows he can’t have us. But he will do whatever he can to hinder what God wants to do in and through us. Why? Because he hates God and he hates us.
Not only does he hate Christians, he especially hates the marriage between two believers. He'll use every weapon he has to attack strong marriage and delight when they crumble.
Why does Satan hate Christian marriage?
Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. It is a platform for the gospel. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church,” Paul writes in Ephesians, about marriage. The enemy knows that if he can destroy our marriage or put it in a state of constant conflict and confusion, he will hinder the kingdom-building work God wants to do in and through us.
In marriage, most of the battle takes place in our heart and mind. The enemy knows the subtle lies he whispers in our ear can quickly do a lot of damage.
Here are 10 lies that the enemy whispers in our ears in his attempt to tear down a strong Christian marriage:
Lie #1: Your Spouse Is Meant to Satisfy Your Deepest Longings
“Your needs aren’t being met. They are being ignored. You deserve better than this. Your spouse is not making you happy or putting you first.”
Truth: The only one that can truly satisfy and make me happy is God. No person has the ability to meet all my needs or satisfy my deepest longing.
Lie # 2: If You Don’t Have the Energy to Invest in Your Relationship, That’s Okay
“You are so tired. You don’t have the energy to invest in the relationship with your spouse like you used to. Besides, you are married! You don’t need to do that anymore. They don’t appreciate it anyway and they don’t do much for you either.”
Truth: My spouse is a gift and I need to make it a priority to invest in the relationship. God can give me the strength I need, even when I am tired, to nurture our marriage relationship.
Lie #3: You Can Still Grow in Your Marriage without Intentionally Trying
“I know you haven’t had much time to talk with your spouse lately, but your brain needs a break! You are mentally exhausted. Take some time and scroll through Facebook for a little bit. Oh! Wait! And you need to catch up on your favorite show! Hello Netflix!”
Truth: We never know how much time we have, and we need to make the most of the time we are given. The Bible tells me to “redeem the time” and to live a disciplined life. I need to be careful I don’t waste time.
Lie #4: Date Night Isn’t Something You and Your Spouse Need to Prioritize
“You are so busy! You have to get the kids to school, and then you have all this work to do. And you probably should be more involved at church. Date night can wait.
Truth: It is important that I take time, on a regular basis, to evaluate and prioritize. My marriage is most important, and I need to make time for it, even if it means I can’t be committed to a few other things.
Lie #5: Marriage Is about Making Each Other Happy
“You deserve to be happy and you could really use some romance in your life. You need someone who will meet that need! You should really think about leaving if things don’t get better soon.”
Truth: Marriage is not about my happiness. It is a picture of Christ and the relationship to His church. It is meant to point others to Him. Yes. Romance is nice, and is a part of marriage, but I need to be committed to my spouse and to the covenant I made.
Lie #6: You’re Owed Something Out of Marriage
“You have the right to do what you want to do. You work hard and you are owed something. You work all day, and you deserve to rest. You deserve to be appreciated! You deserve a break from the kids.”
Truth: My life is not my own. I am called to serve my family and have a calling on my life to faithfully obey God regardless of how I feel.
Lie #7: A Budget Is Restrictive and Your Money Is Yours to Spend as You Want
“Don’t worry about budgeting. Why even try? Plus, you need a bigger house and your kids need a bigger yard. You need to be in a nicer neighborhood. You can get a part time job to finance it if you need to.”
Truth:I need to learn how to be a good steward of all that God has given me. I don’t need all that the culture says I need. It’s more important that I use my funds wisely and responsibly, and that I be generous with what I’ve been given.
Lie #8: That Person’s Husband/Wife Has Something Mine Doesn’t
“Don’t you wish that your spouse was more like your friend’s spouse? I bet he doesn’t play video games all evening or work late. If your spouse had a job like his, you’d be able to do so much more!”
Truth:Comparisons are not wise. I need to continue to pray for God to work in my heart and in the heart of my spouse and pray that we would learn how to best serve and encourage each other, being content with what we have been given.
Lie #9: Your Spouse Is the One at Fault, Not You
“You are not at fault! He doesn’t realize how he comes across or that the way that he talks to you causes you to respond that way. He is the one that needs to change, not you!”
Truth:I am responsible for how I respond, no matter what my spouse does or says, and I will be held accountable for my actions.
Lie #10: You’ll Never Change (And You Don’t Need To)
“You can’t help it that you act this way. It’s the way your parents were. You learned it from them. You will never change.”
Truth: No matter what my parents did or how I grew up, I do not have to choose to repeat any negative behavior. With the help of God, I can do what is right and honor God with my words, and actions.
No matter how strong our marriages may seem, none of us are immune from these lies and, in a moment of weakness, we can fall prey to believing any and all of them.
We need to remember that our love for God should be what shapes and motivates all that we do and say in our marriage. Our posture should be one of servants, not demanding, entitled rulers. When God is elevated, when he sits at the center of your thoughts and life, you will be aware of the fact that only he can meet your deepest longings and needs. Your marriage, although it can be a blessing here in this life, does not exist entirely for our happiness alone, but for God’s purposes.
What lies have you let slip into your marriage recently? What can you and your spouse do this week to reconnect and remember what is true about marriage?
Gina Smith and her husband have served on a Christian college campus as the on-campus parents for over 20 years. They have lived on the campus where they homeschooled and raised both of their children. In her spare time she loves to write and recently authored her first book, “Grace Gifts: Practical Ways To Help Your Children Understand God's Grace." She also writes at her personal blog: ginalsmith.com.
