“I trust you!” I heard these exact words as I laid in bed one day while struggling with my singleness. I felt elated because I knew God was about to do something special in my life. I just didn’t know exactly what. I called my accountability partner and told him what I believed the Lord impressed upon my heart. And guess what? A few months later, I entered into courtship with my now wife Kenady (Pitts) Nash.
Now, I know what you want to ask me. “Damien, what does ‘I trust you’ mean?” Well, I believe God was informing me that He could trust me to pursue a relationship again. You see, in the previous season, I could not be trusted. I was literally living contrary to what I wrote in my previously released relationship book, #CompletelySingle. I was a hypocrite to put it bluntly. I didn’t follow my own advice (which was really His), and I put myself and other women in compromising situations. However, after releasing myself from those relationships and taking time off, I recommitted that strong desire to be married back to God and focused on my relationship with Him. This led to Him confirming to me that I was now ready to be trusted with one of His daughters again.
Thinking back on this season, I saw several areas in my life that the Holy Spirit helped me mature in before I started a relationship with Kenady. These questions are meant to help us honestly look within before seriously thinking about entering into a romantic relationship. Now, here’s my disclaimer: I don’t think it’s healthy to compare and/or measure yourself against the “questions” listed below. However, I do think it’s fair and safe to say all believers, whether you are in a romantic relationship or not, need to mature in these areas to start developing a servant's heart if/when you do enter into a relationship. Lastly, God might highlight several more things that He wants you to focus on along with these. I would love to hear them, so please reach out or comment below.
1. Am I Fully Surrendered to God and His Word?
If you are not fully surrendered to God before a relationship, you most likely won’t be fully surrendered to God in your relationship. It’s important to live a life that is surrendered and obedient to God’s word.
When temptations and tough times come, you will have the opportunity to stand on God’s word and not compromise due to your feelings and emotions. You will learn that God’s word is always true and that He is for us. His wisdom trumps our own. So, have you surrendered yet?
2. Have I Securely Found my Identity and Purpose in Christ?
You have an identity outside of your career, culture, and (social media) relationship status. Your identity is found in Christ alone, but do you really believe that? I knew this in my mind but did not let it sink deep into my heart until after college. When I was in college, I thought basketball was my life and my ticket to success. When I didn’t get the playing time I thought I deserved, I seriously thought about taking my life.
However, one day my late father called and told me he loved me. That one call ended up saving my life. What I realized is that besides my earthly father, I had a Heavenly Father who cared for me and had a purpose for me. I stopped playing ball and found that I had other gifts God wanted me to use to reconcile people back to Him through His Son. If you don’t know your identity in Christ, you will try to find your identity in your relationship. This can only lead to adding pressure that a relationship is never meant to carry.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Wenping-Zheng
3. Am I Maturely Handling My Platonic Relationships with Grace?
Take some time right now and review your friendships. Look at how you treat these individuals God has strategically placed in your life. Are you mean and rude to your friends? Do you get overly upset if someone doesn’t call or text you back within 10 minutes? How do you handle offenses? Do you cut people off and play the victim role when someone offends you?
These questions are critical as you will need to learn how to let things go and learn how to maturely communicate your feelings in your romantic relationships without trying to tear down your mate.
4. Do I Have Accountability?
This subject is tough for both men and women. To have friends of the same sex check on our weak points can be humbling and very uncomfortable. This is why you have to be transparent and intentional, allowing people into your life to help you mature in areas you might have fallen into sin or unhealthy habits.
It’s important to have accountability while dating as well so that they can help you keep your commitment to staying pure within your relationship. We all do better when people are watching. Remember, accountability is deeper than friendship. It’s a purposeful relationship that has a set vision and goals to help both individuals reach a desired end.
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5. How Have I Handled Breakups in the Past?
Maybe you haven’t been in a relationship or maybe you have. However, if you have, you must realize that a breakup is not the end of the world. This goes for being rejected by the opposite sex as well. These events should not destroy you. I knew I was maturing when I wasn’t distraught after being rejected by several women before Kenady. Yeah it hurt a little, but I got back up and got in the game.
One of my friends really encouraged me and said, “Damien you have to realize that you are a catch as well. You are a good guy, and you are a gift.” This encouragement helped me not downplay who God made me to be. When you handle breakups well, similarly, you won’t be afraid to let a relationship go if it is not working out. You also won’t settle for less just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Bonus: Don’t forget about the attribute of faithfulness. When you search the scriptures, you are bombarded with the fact that God is faithful. The question is, are you faithful? I believe that faithfulness is a cornerstone in any godly relationship. As God has made His allegiance with us through His Son, we also have the opportunity to establish a certain level of allegiance and even commit to God first, our family members second, and then our brothers and sisters in Christ. Learn how to serve faithfully where you are first before your spouse comes. This will definitely bode well for you in the future.
I hope you really take these questions to heart as you prepare for that special someone. I am praying for every single person who lays their eyes on these words. I pray that God does exceedingly and abundantly above what you ask, think, or imagine in your relationships, first with Him and then with your significant other.
Blessings!
Damien
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/Antonio_Diaz
Originally published Thursday, 23 July 2020.
