Let’s just take a moment here, get really honest, and admit that one of the hardest things to do is to admit that we need help. We tend to be a “power through” and a “fake it until you make it” kind of society.
Yet, we know that we aren’t always ok. And we also know that if we aren’t always ok, there is a pretty good chance that our friends aren’t always ok. There is often a lot of life that happens just below the surface, and it can become overwhelming trying to carry the weight of our burdens alone.
Galatians 6:2 NIV tells us to “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
God created us to be communal beings. We know that as believers God did not intend for us to walk alone. We are meant to do life with others. He calls us to come together as a part of one body that encourages, supports, serves, and helps one another.
John 15:12-14,17 NIV makes it clear:
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command… This is my command: Love each other.”
Matthew 22:37-40 NIV illustrates this same truth:
“Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
We love one another as Jesus loves us. We serve one another as Jesus serves us. We help one another as Jesus helps us. That is the law of Christ. However, in this society where many keep their struggles hidden, it can be difficult to know if and when we are needed by our friends.
Jesus had a miraculous ability to see past the exterior and draw out the needs of people. Because of Christ alive in us and His Holy Spirit at work within us, we can do that same thing.
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10 Signs Your Friend Really Needs You
1. Your friend seems overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious.
We are all keeping a lot of plates spinning and juggling a lot of balls. Chances are good that if your friend seems overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious, she is feeling the pressure of this kind of a lifestyle.
Be an encouragement to her and remind her of her strengths, her abilities, and her gifts. Pray strength, faithfulness, diligence, and focus over her in this season. Offer practical help by lessening the load in any way you can.
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2. Your friend seems withdrawn and retreats.
When we are wounded, hurt, or afraid, one of our first natural responses is to withdraw. It is a self-preservation response and one that is so automatic we often aren’t even aware of it. If your friend seems withdrawn and distant, be mindful of anything that may be causing her pain or fear.
Be gentle and loving as you let her know that you are a safe friend who will be there for her no matter the circumstances. Pray for peace, comfort, and love to flood over your friend. Keep reaching out to let your friend know that although they may be quiet, they are still loved and cared for.
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3. Your friend seems stuck in a cycle of negative thinking.
It can be very easy to fall into a cycle of negativity. One thought leads to another until a pattern is established. The habit pulls deeper and deeper. Before long, we can be stuck in a cycle that seems impossible to break, and negative thoughts drive out our hope and joy.
Your friend needs you to shine some light into this dark space. Pray for joy and hope to wash over her heart. Be positive without being annoying. Remind her of the good that can be found, of the redemptive way that God works, and of the joy and hope that Jesus offers. In love, bring some positivity back into her life.
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4. Your friend is believing a lie.
This world speaks lies to us all the time, and if we aren’t extremely careful, we can begin to believe them. Lies take root and choke out truth. They can cause us to question our purpose and our identity.
If your friend is believing lies, lovingly speak truth into her. Pray for her to be set free by truth. Encourage her by reminding her of her identity and purpose. Challenge the lies with truth in a way that empowers her to hold firmly to the reality of who she is, who God is, and what He says.
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5. Your friend is physically unwell.
When our physical bodies suffer, it can affect our whole selves in so many ways. We can struggle spiritually, emotionally, and mentally when we suffer physically.
If your friend is physically unwell, be there for her in any way that you can. Pray for her physically, but pray against discouragement and despair as well. Offer practical help by lessening burdens and tasks, if you are able. Be a caring and compassionate friend who is willing to help in any way.
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6. Your friend seems moody or different.
Moodiness and sudden change of behavior are often indicative of something deeper happening beyond the surface. Don’t automatically assume that these types of actions are reflective of the relationship and pull away. This is often a sign that your friend needs you.
Be gracious and patient with your friend. Offer kindness and love instead of frustration. Pray for discernment to see what is actually causing these behaviors and help as the Lord leads.
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7. Your friend is dealing with a work, family, relationship, or community issue.
When one area of our life feels a little off-kilter, it can throw everything off just a bit. If your friend is experiencing an issue in an area of life that doesn’t directly relate to you, you may be tempted to overlook it. However, life isn’t usually that easily segregated. Everything affects everything else.
Be a listening ear or a helping hand. Pray for your friend and the situation that she is dealing with. Let her know that you care about everything that is going on in her life. Commit to being a friend who wants to know, understand, and help.
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8. Your friend is in a new season of life.
Change isn’t easy for most people. If your friend is experiencing a new season of life or a major lifestyle change, they may really need your help.
Ask questions. Listen. Support and encourage in whatever way you can. Be willing to pray for your friend as they transition. If there is a practical way that you can help in the transition time, do so.
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9. Your friend is facing a loss of some kind.
Loss of any kind is traumatic. Loss of a loved one, loss of a career, loss of a dream, or any other kind of loss can leave us reeling with a wild array of emotions. If your friend has experienced a recent loss, they will need you.
Pray for your friend as she grieves. Give her space to process, but let her know you are there for her. Step in and help in tangible ways. Sometimes the simplest gestures are the most meaningful.
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10. Your friend seems lonely.
We live in a very connected society, but many of us still deal with loneliness. We want something more than superficial acquaintances. We long for rich and meaningful relationships.
If your friend seems lonely, create opportunities where the two of you can spend time getting to know one another better. Pray for unity and connection. Make yourself available. Be vulnerable and open to building a deeper friendship.
Although our ultimate need meter is Jesus Christ, we were created to love, encourage, support, serve, and help one another. As His followers, we want to be like him and one way we do that is by choosing to see past the exterior and draw out the needs of people.
Let’s be people who are willing to commit to looking deeper than the surface, seeing into the hearts of our friends, and loving them when and where they need it most.
Bobbie Shaeperkoetter is a writer, speaker, community builder, and an encourager of women at http://www.bobbieschae.com. She’s passionate about connecting women to Jesus, to one another, and to the Body of believers. You can connect with Bobbie through her website or on Instagram at http://www.instagram.com/bobbieschae or on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bobbieschae
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Originally published Friday, 17 January 2020.
