Relationships matter to God. From Genesis, we see the very first human interaction is between a husband and wife. One can only wonder what Adam thought when presented with his perfect match, Eve. Once he realized he would no longer be in the garden alone, he may have thought, “Now what?” How could he love and honor the one God had gifted him? We find the answer to this question throughout the Bible. However, even more specifically, nestled in the letters of Paul, we find the key to how a husband can love his wife.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)
This verse carries significant weight for husbands who want to love their wives. Although many may readily give their physical lives for their wives, some may struggle with how to really love their them with all their being. I believe, however, that husbands who are intentional can help create an atmosphere in their relationship where they love, honor, and serve their wives like Christ loves the church.
With this in mind, here are 7 ways a husband can truly show love to his wife.
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1. Listen to Her
When a husband listens to his wife, he reminds her that she matters. Listening is much more than being “present” during a conversation. Instead, listening is an active choice to hear, respond, and understand the other person. Although many husbands like to listen in order to fix the issue at hand, a wife enjoys simply being able to share her heart. Whether she is dealing with an everyday matter or one that’s of deeper concern, having a husband who cares enough to give undivided attention shows sincerity and genuine love. When in doubt, husbands can remember to practice listening more than speaking to gain full understanding. Marriages that develop this essential aspect of communication are more likely to thrive well, even in the most difficult times. Read more about effective marital communication here.
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2. Honor Her
Honor can be defined as having a high level of respect or esteem. It can be easy to spot a husband who honors his wife. From choosing not to embarrass her in public, to not raising his voice at her, men who honor their wives show the world that their wives are a treasure. Wives can be honored even when they are not present. The goal of an honoring spouse is to never seek to have others look down on the other person. Instead, they try at all times to have them seen in a positive light to the outside world. Although there may be instances when deeper marital issues need to be shared with close confidants, it should be sparingly. Remembering that a wife is a gift from God, a loving husband must choose to be wise about how he treats his wife privately and in public.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22)
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3. Allow Her to Flourish
One of the most loving things a husband can do for his wife is to allow her to flourish. Recognizing that each of us has a God-given assignment, marriage should not cause us to lose our individual purposes. Although there may be a shift in how things are done together, a husband should be careful about controlling his wife’s ability to do what God has called her to do. In my own life, one of my husband’s greatest acts of love was for him to support my choice to continue my education and write. Knowing that he cares enough about me to see me doing things I love grew my own affection towards him even more. Rather than limit what a wife can do, husbands can come alongside their wives to celebrate them and their unique abilities.
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4. Give Her Grace
In any relationship, grace is always needed. Many dream of having a story book relationship when it comes to marriage. However, we quickly realize that no one is perfect. Just as we personally need grace, our significant others also need to know that it is okay to make mistakes or not live up to every expectation. A husband who forgives easily and is willing to overlook the things that aren’t significant can help create a safe environment.
When we consider the verse Ephesians 5:25, Christ loves the church by giving himself for her. This means Christ saw our imperfections and He still chose to give His life! He was not easily swayed or offended by our humanness. Instead, He chose compassion and poured out grace to give us a fresh start. Thus, when a husband is willing to give grace to his wife, it is a reminder to her that he loves her beyond her flaws. She is not a sum of good things or perfect decisions. Instead, his wife is one that can be valued, even when she misses the mark. Without grace, love is only given when conditions are favorable. When husbands show grace, they reflect God’s love for His church.
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5. Give Her Rest
Being a wife and mother can be extraordinarily exhausting. However, a husband can show his love by allowing his wife the opportunity to rest and have a chance to rejuvenate. Whether he encourages her to have lunch with a friend, take a Sunday afternoon nap or purchases her a massage, these acts of intentionality can remind her that her emotional and mental well-being matters. A husband can show his wife he loves her by taking every opportunity to lessen her load and be a source of help for her. In this way, a culture of serving one another can be established in the home. Much like Jesus came to serve, when a husband seeks to be of service to his wife, she is reminded that he loves her beyond what she can do for him. Instead, he loves who she is as a person and would do anything he can to help her.
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served; he came to serve and to give his life to redeem many people. (Mark 10:45)
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6. Don't Procrastinate
Many have heard the stereotype of the nagging wife. However, few discuss the procrastinating husband. In my own life, I can attest the goal is never to bother my husband with a list of “honey-do’s.” Instead, there are times I need his help to accomplish an important task. Though the desire is not to ask and ask again, frustration eventually will set in. Procrastination on day-to-day tasks can lead a wife to feel like her requests are irrelevant and that she is unheard. Her desire isn’t to be seen as helpless but rather one who is looking for her husband to fill a need. One way a husband shows his wife love is being responsive to her requests. When tasks are within reason and can be done, rather than procrastinate for weeks and months, husbands can seek to do what can be done quickly. This will also help to relieve relational tension and have a peaceful home.
A nagging wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm. Stopping her is like trying to stop the wind. It’s like trying to grab olive oil with your hand. (Proverbs 27:15-17)
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7. Pray For Her and With Her
Prayer is vital for marriages. In the way Adam and Eve walked in communion with God, couples should seek to do the same. When a husband prays for his wife, it is a reminder that she belongs to God first. Seeking the Lord for his wife’s well-being and strategy during conflict is a reminder that God must be central in their home. There is no greater love than submitting one’s entire life and relationship to the Lord! Even more so, husbands can pray with their wives. As they pray together, a wife can hear firsthand the love her husband has for her. She can hear his heart for God and matters of their home. Prayer can become a time of togetherness and intimacy in the marriage.
Overall, these seven tips can be life-changing for marriages. Although they are written for husbands, truthfully, wives should seek to do the same. When couples seek to be intentional about their relationships in prayer and action, they can expect God to move on their behalf. As husbands and wives serve, submit, and love one another like Christ, their relationships will surely flourish.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Ephesians 5:21)
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Originally published Wednesday, 18 December 2019.
