Why Flexibility Might be the Saving Grace Your Relationships Need

Relationships are meant to be flexible. I don’t know about you, but when I’m bossy, controlling and stubborn, attempting to fit everything on my schedule and within my preferred time frame, my relationships don’t thrive. More like, they shrivel up and cringe!

We’re all guilty of it. It can manifest in different ways and look like different things—some of them pretty sneaky in manner. For example, you might be a stay-at-home mom who feels like it’s too hard to navigate developing relationships around nap-times and feedings and keeping the house in one piece. Branching out for coffee or play dates means sacrificing the schedule that keeps you and your kiddos sane, so you don’t bother. You’d rather be efficient than reach out to other moms in your same (often sinking!) boat.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Or you might be new to your church and join a Sunday school class. You want to get involved with the various ministries offered, but are feeling insecure and afraid the other people in the congregation don’t—or won’t—like you. So instead of being social, you commit to only doing the jobs that can be done behind the scenes and avoid fellowships. You’d rather be efficient than risk rejection. 

Or perhaps you’re a working mom and don’t feel that you have time for friendships, because that means you’d have to sacrifice some evening or weekend time with your family, and that makes you feel guilty or selfish. So that part of your life falls to the wayside until it’s more convenient. Except convenient never seems to actually show up. You’d rather be efficient than social.

Photo Credit: Pexels/Daria Shevtsova

Face it—being a good friend, wife, sister, daughter or mother can be hard, inconvenient, and messy. There are days we think we’d rather be lonely than go through the work and energy required to build real, meaningful and lasting relationships. But the payoff is more than worth the investment. 

Unfortunately, not everything can be methodical and logical and in order all the time—especially not when it comes to the people in our lives. A relationship of any type—be it familial, friendship, or romantic—consists of flawed, imperfect humans. Therefore, it demands grace and patience and flexibility.

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Dario Valenzuela

It’s a lot harder to practice this concept than it is to preach it. But there’s so often beauty in the chaos, as difficult as that is for us Type A’s to admit. Manicured lawns and neat little marigolds all in a row are lovely—but so are wildflowers and tall grasses waving in the wind. Let go of your need to control and organize everything and be ready to muddy your knees in the garden of your relationships. 

When we have a death grip on the ins and outs of our relationships, we suffocate them. It’s always better to step back, open our tightly clenched fists, and let our relationships breathe. This might look like backing off your husband when he forgets to flush the toilet or uses a different cleaner on the countertops than you prefer. It might look like giving your friend grace when she says she’ll call you right back and doesn’t. It might look like not snapping at your kids when they chase the muddy-pawed dog through the house you just cleaned. Or it might look like sitting quietly with your friend who needs a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and the freedom to vent about their bad breakup just one more time. 

Photo Credit: Unsplash

The Bible has a lot to say about the way we treat the various people in our lives. “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31). Do we want our neighbors and friends to treat us like an after-thought or a bother? Or do we want them to see us as worth investing in and getting to know? The decision starts with us.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

We might think it’s easier to be alone and not invest in others, but at the end of the day, being lonely is a bummer. No one truly prefers that long-term. We were made for community.

Photo Credit: Thinkstock

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:12-13)

It’s a rare occasion that a friend has to physically lay down their life for each other in regular civilian life. But we can lay down our pride and selfishness and preferences for each other, and die to self in order to honor our friend or husband or neighbor and consider their needs above our own. This could be as simple as letting your friend pick the restaurant for your next lunch date or as difficult as biting your tongue when you apologized for your last fight and your spouse didn’t.

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Hian Oliveira

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17)

At all times means even when it’s hard, messy, and inconvenient. When the sink is full of dishes, or the lights are turned out for the night, or the kids are wailing in the background and you can barely hear your friend on the other end of the phone. It means during hard times and good times: when you’re frustrated, when you’re commiserating, and when you’re rejoicing together. At all times means not being fair-weather. This might mean laying down your planner, your watch, or your cell phone for a few hours, putting aside a project, and setting an extra place at the table.

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Stil

"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord." (Romans 12:10-11)

It’s hard to outdo one another in showing love when we’re trying to run things on our schedule and at our pace. It’s hard to love and be affectionate when we’re self-focused and controlling. It’s hard to be fervent in spirit and serve the Lord beside our neighbor when we’re annoyed with their choices and preferences, and we are trying to subtly change them.

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Eneida Nieves

There’s a humorous but applicable quote that says “blessed are the flexible, for they won’t be bent out of shape” (and before you check, no that’s not a Bible verse!) When we’re flexible, we’re much less likely to be bent out of shape, irritated, impatient, and stressed—and we’re that much more of a blessing to our loved ones.

So loosen your controlling grip on your relationships, sister—and feel free to go organize that junk drawer.

Betsy St. Amant Haddox is the author of fourteen inspirational romance novels and novellas. She resides in north Louisiana with her newlywed hubby, two story-telling young daughters, a collection of Austen novels, and an impressive stash of Pickle Pringles. Betsy has a B.A. in Communications and a deep-rooted passion for seeing women restored in Christ. When she's not composing her next book or trying to prove unicorns are real, Betsy can usually be found somewhere in the vicinity of a white-chocolate mocha. Look for her latest novel with HarperCollins, LOVE ARRIVES IN PIECES, and POCKET PRAYERS FOR FRIENDS with Max Lucado. Visit her at http://www.betsystamant.com./

Photo Credit: Unsplash