Relationships are a blessing, but they can be hard! Merging two different views, perspectives, opinions and preferences creates inevitable arguments and conflicts. However, putting in the work that relationships require not only helps the conflicts grow fewer and farther between, it’s fun!
Whether you’re in a committed dating relationship, are newlyweds, or have been married for decades, there are several things healthy couples can implement in their lives that help them go the distance and flourish together.
Here are 10 little things healthy couples do each day:
1. Healthy Couples Pray Together & Separately for Each Other
Couples who pray together, stay together. Spending time in prayer creates a bond that nothing can sever. Praying alone throughout the day for your spouse is also important, and keeps feelings of love, protection and affection close to the surface. It’s hard to be mad or bitter toward someone you’re constantly praying for.
Want to pray but not sure where to start? iBelieve's 30 Days of Prayer for Your Marriage is a great resources to begin praying more for your spouse.
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2. Healthy Couples Listen
Listening is crucial for relationship health. If one partner doesn’t feel heard, it can cause a world of hurt. Listening to your spouse, whether they’re simply discussing the details of their day or pouring out their heart, shows that you care, you’re interested, and they hold top priority in your life. If you’re in a place where you can’t give your full attention at that moment, make sure your spouse understands you want to hear them, and schedule a time to come back to the conversation when there won’t be distractions.
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3. Healthy Couples Read the Word
Reading the Word strengthens us for healthy relationships. When we spend time in the Word of God, we’re filled up, and can devote our energy and time to our spouse without running dry. Reading the Bible alone is crucial to our own health as believers, and discussing it with our spouse will only draw us closer together. Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
Want to get in the Word more? Here are some resources we recommend:
One Year of Scripture Writing Guides - Each day, write Scripture and meditate on its truth.
One Year Bible Reading Plan - This plan will walk you through the Bible in one year.
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4. Healthy Couples Show Consideration
Consideration, or thoughtfulness, is one of the key ingredients for a healthy relationship. Little things such as starting the car for them on cold mornings, packing their lunch the night before, or ironing their shirt can go a long way. Challenge yourself to think outside the box, incorporate your spouse’s particular love language (physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, receiving gifts or quality time) and be creative with your expressions of love.
My husband and I share a towel bar in the bathroom. Every morning after my shower, I always spread his towel wider on the bar so it’ll dry faster by the time he gets home that day and needs it. Consideration doesn’t have to be expensive or take a lot of effort—usually, it’s the little acts of that mean the most.
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5. Healthy Couples Flirt
Flirting shouldn’t stop when you get married. Whether you’re newlyweds or have been married for decades, flirting is crucial to a solid relationship. All couples need the reminder that their significant other chose them, and that they are still choosing them every day. Leave love notes taped on the bedside table. Text something sweet during the middle of the day. Send a smiling selfie with a “thinking of you” caption. Write a letter of all the things about them that you love and hide it under their pillow. Buy flowers on your way home from work. The opportunities to flirt are endless, and bonus—its fun!
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6. Healthy Couples Spend Quality Time Together
Spending quality time together as a couple is important to relational growth. Something as simple as watching your favorite sitcom together, snuggled up on the couch reading novels, playing board games or cooking a meal together can go a long way toward strengthening the bond between you. Volunteering at church or attending a mission trip together is another great way to spend quality time with your spouse.
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7. Healthy Couples Split the Chores
One of the biggest tensions in marriage is when someone feels like their partner isn’t pulling their share of the load. There might be times when one spouse picks up the slack on housework because the other is traveling, feeling ill, or on a deadline. But typically, spouses should reach an agreement on who does what household chores. Completing these little daily tasks go a long way to a healthy relationship of consideration, respect and appreciation—and can eliminate a lot of potential tension.
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8. Healthy Couples Forgive
This can be hard, but the Bible commands us to forgive others as Christ forgave us. One of the biggest hesitations to forgiving is the inaccurate belief that doing so condones the sin that was committed against us. As married couples, we’re one flesh, and withholding forgiveness is doing us a big disservice—not to mention is direct disobedience to God’s word. We don’t deserve forgiveness from the Lord, but because of his Son and the cross, we are able to receive it freely. In this manner, we should extend it freely—especially to our spouses.
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9. Healthy Couples Let the Little Things Go
Healthy couples learn early on in relationships to pick their battles. Sometimes, it’s more important to bite your tongue and ignore the wet bathroom floor, the toothpaste lid sitting beside the toothpaste container, or the dog hair on the bed. As the Bible says in Song of Solomon, kill the foxes—those little sneaky things that attempt to sneak into your relationship and gnaw it away from the inside out. This isn’t to say never speak up or let your spouse know your preferences—it’s learning how to let the little things go because you love your imperfect spouse more than you value the cleanliness of the bathroom. It’s learning how to choose compromise and not stand your ground on every battle hill that presents itself. It’s learning to value each other above yourself.
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10. Healthy Couples Show Affection
Everyone needs affection, even if that’s not your designated love language. Couples should hug and kiss daily—after all, that spark is what first prompted you toward marriage, otherwise you would just be good friends! If some of that fire has faded, pray and ask the Lord to revive it. Showing affection might not come naturally, but little efforts in this area can go a long way toward your partner’s sense of security in the relationship. A touch on the back when you pass by, a kiss before work, a hug at the end of the day, and intimacy at night (or whenever you can!) is crucial to a married couple’s healthy status.
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Betsy St. Amant Haddox is the author of fourteen inspirational romance novels and novellas. She resides in north Louisiana with her newlywed hubby, two story-telling young daughters, a collection of Austen novels, and an impressive stash of Pickle Pringles. Betsy has a B.A. in Communications and a deep-rooted passion for seeing women restored in Christ. When she's not composing her next book or trying to prove unicorns are real, Betsy can usually be found somewhere in the vicinity of a white-chocolate mocha. Look for her latest novel with HarperCollins, LOVE ARRIVES IN PIECES, and POCKET PRAYERS FOR FRIENDS with Max Lucado. Visit her at http://www.betsystamant.
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Originally published Friday, 08 February 2019.
