It was a whirlwind romance – everyone said so. My husband and I met October 24, 2008, and married a scant 10 months later. He swept me off my feet in a hundred little ways, which wasn’t easy… given the fact that he lived in New Hampshire and I lived in Washington. He’s a good one with the little things, the details of a romance as well as the bigger stuff of life.
Eight years later, we’re negotiating the responsibilities of 3-kids-and-1-on-the-way under the age of 7. The little things are easy to miss because, well…life. Diapers and double-digit addition and training wheels on small bikes take time and energy, and let’s not even get started on bedtime-toothbrush-wrestling. It should be an Olympic sport.
All the energy that used to go into the hundred little romantic things – well, it’s kind of used up. By the time we flop on the couch at the end of the day, we have the energy and the sparkle of the goldfish crumbs hiding under the cushions.
You might not be in this exact season of life, but I bet you have your own brand of busy. Whatever it is you’re juggling, a hundred ways to do anything is much too much. Don’t worry. How about 10 simple, little, practical ways you can show your wife she’s loved?
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1. Pray for her.
Of all the things you can possibly do for your wife, this is the most loving and vital. Ask her how you can pray for her. Then, a week or two later, tell her that you’re praying for her. This is a beautiful way to show her your love.
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2. Pray with her.
It can be a simple mealtime blessing, bedtime prayer, morning devotions…whatever works for you and your wife. You can pray about the present problems, past pain, or future dreams. Keep it authentic to who you are individually and as a couple. This will probably look different for every family, and that’s okay.
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3. Hold her.
Hold her hand or give her a hug – with no ulterior motive. There is something utterly comforting about having my husband give me a hug when he steps through the door at the end of the day. Or sitting down and having him put his arm around my shoulders…it makes my heart smile.
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4. Listen.
When she tells you about her day, just listen. She’s not asking you to fix it, unless she actually asks you to fix it. She just wants you to listen. You are doing something deeply affirming to her when you simply give her your attention.
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5. Notice.
Notice the little things about her. Like the way she takes her coffee, or her favorite way to relax. In a busy world where she spends her life caring for others, to have you notice something little about her – and care – speaks deeply of love to her. My husband knows that I prefer for the kids to call me “Mama”, and he makes a conscious effort to refer to me by that name when he’s talking to our tribe. Very simple (and a little silly!), but it matters.
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6. Spend time with her.
Just a little – whatever you can. It can be simply flopping on the couch together sharing a bag of chips and dip. Or taking a walk together. Going for a drive. (This one’s a favorite for Superman and me – it’s usually how we manage to have a conversation. The kids are in 3-point restraints and generally happy to look at books or scenery.)
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7. Spoil her unexpectedly.
Show up with a handful of dandelions, a cold soda, or a back rub just because. If you have some wiggle room in the budget, bring her home some flowers or tell her that dinner’s on you (and bring home take out.)
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8. Help her with a chore she dreads.
Make that phone call to the dentist, take out the bag of trash, or help the kids with their homework some night. Choose something that you know she really doesn’t like to do – and take care of it for her.
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9. Give her tenderness.
There’s nothing in all the world like being able to let your guard down with your family. At the end of the day, when your wife has been carrying the burdens of life, the troubles of the day or week, the hassles and headaches of your world…be the soft place for her to land. If she shares something with you, let her know that not only will you keep it confidential, you’re in her corner. Always. And a hug never hurts.
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10. Support her walk with the Lord.
There are so many small ways that make a big difference in this area! Encourage her personal study in the Word, make church a priority for your family, and do all that you can to support her attending Bible study. You can leave her a note with a verse that spoke to you, text her an encouragement for something she’s struggling with in her spiritual walk, and probably most important of all: let her see YOU walking with the Lord.
I hope these 10 little ideas will encourage you as you show your wife just how much you really do love her!
Grace, peace, and your lifelong romance is worth it,
Kelly
Saved by grace alone, Kelly Canfield is a stay at home wife, homeschooling mom, and recovering perfectionist. She is a passionate Jesus-lover, married to her best friend and hero, Joe. Together they are raising 3 lively children (ages 6, 4, and 2). She enjoys strong coffee, great books, and quiet time (a rare commodity.) At nap time you can find her over at www.searchingformyeden.com, where she blogs about the trials and triumphs of marriage, motherhood, and following Jesus. Her first eBook, Tired: Living Fully Engaged Through The Weary Season is coming out soon.
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Originally published Wednesday, 11 October 2017.
