As a mother of four, I have found that one of the best ways to really learn and know your children is to ask questions. Your child is always your child no matter how old they are. It’s not always that there are hiding things from you, it’s often that they are limited in their experiences and exposure and our questions force them to think, aim to teach and display our love for them.
Some children love to talk and some don’t. For the talkative ones, it sometimes doesn’t matter which question is asked as they are just dying to provide some insight. This is a good thing even if we sometimes wish they would just hush. For those that aren’t so talkative, the right question can create an unexpected dialogue. The child may take a while to answer or ask if they can get back to you. Hold them to it and when they do be all ears. No matter your child’s age or stage, these questions will allow you to get to know another facet of your child. I’ve had success with these questions and hope you do too.
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1. Why is your best friend your best friend?
You’ve heard the adage, “show me your friends and I’ll show you who you are.” Said another way, “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” (Proverbs 13:20) As a parent, this is your way of determining what values are important to your child and seeing if they align with what you have taught them. Also, it’s enjoyable to hear them speak of their friends with passion and joy.
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2. What is your favorite meal and why?
Food is a great way to discover what makes your child tick. As a parent, it’s helpful for me to know their favorites and their dislikes because it’s easy for me to make any child happy with their favorite dish. Food doesn’t solve all our problems but it’s a great place to start because when the belly is happy the mind is content to share.
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3. Describe something interesting or exciting that happened today?
This is an open-ended question that gives you a peek into your child’s mind. You may be surprised at what they consider interesting or exciting. Regardless of whether or not you fully understand what they're talking about, it's important to them, so hear them out.
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4. What caught your eye or made you look twice at someone or something?
We all make snap judgments about people. It’s informative to hear some of these snap judgments. We also see how perceptions are formed. Sometimes these unconscious snap decisions make sense and sometimes they are irrational. Either way, both are a window to the soul and an opportunity to share your views also.
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5. If you were President, what would you differently?
The answer to this question will provide insight as to how they view leadership qualities and skills. And also what they wish they could change in their lives! It’s never too early or late, to hear, learn and refine these skills. Children love knowing their opinions are heard and valued, and this simple and fun question really unlocks pride and confidence.
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6. Describe one of the happiest moments of your life?
If you’re trying to latch on to a contagious joy, ask this question and then revel in the response. More than likely your child is happy as he is remembering while recounting what brought this state of glee. Bask in it. This is also a great question to ask if your child is feeling blue or down about something else happening in his or her life. Just like us, kids need reminded to count their blessings and find things in their life worth recalling and celebrating.
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7. Using one word, describe each of your siblings?
Most parents of multiple children have a dream of seeing their children really be friends with each other in their lifetime. For some, it’s natural for others it can be a rough road. Hopefully, as a parent, you are fostering an atmosphere where siblings recognize their importance to each other. This question reveals how your child thinks about the others who are in close proximity to him. If your child is an only child, then let her describe herself in one word so you can see how she really feels about herself.
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8. Can you talk to me about anything?
Regardless of if you get the answer you want, answering this question is a great first step in gauging your relationship. As a parent, don’t be hurt if the answer is no but listen to the why. Don’t become defensive. Remember how you felt when you were a child. Use the response as an opportunity to grow your communication by taking baby steps in the ways you communicate with your child. If the answer is favorable, then continue to build on your relationship and what you are doing right.
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9. What is your dream job?
Aspirations, dreams, and goals are important. These change based on your child’s age and stage but it’s important to do a pulse check in this area just to see if they’re erratic or consistent as you’ll probably see this pattern showing up in other areas of their lives also. There’s no wrong answer (unless they have criminal aspirations and that should be discouraged) but it’s an avenue for you as a parent to encourage and be their cheerleader.
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10. Name a time when you were truly afraid?
We all have fears and everyone is afraid of someone or something at different points in their lives. Some fears are real and some are imagined. As a parent, you’re really trying to see how much fear dictates their lives. Usually when someone is fearful, when recounting it they may be looking for suggestions to combat their fear. As a parent, you can be there to assuage their fears.
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Nylse is a Christian wife and a mother of four who loves life and inspiring others. She likes to have fun but is very clear on who she is and Whose she is. A prolific thinker, she blogs to encourage others from a Christian perspective at www.lifenotesencouragement.com
Originally published Wednesday, 06 December 2017.
