10 Reasons Why Falling Out of Love Doesn't Justify Divorce

If your heart is leading you to divorce because you’ve fallen out of love, Scripture says it signifies a heart issue. When Jesus was asked why Moses permitted divorce, He answered saying it was because their hearts were hard (Matthew 19:7-9).

Present day culture tells people to “follow your heart!”

Yet, Jeremiah 17:9 states, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Ask God to test and try you, to examine your heart and mind (Psalm 26:2). Scripture states when you seek God with all your heart, you’ll not stray from His commands. And when you hide His Word in your heart, you’ll not sin against Him (Psalm 119:10-11).

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Popular culture asserts that loving someone should come easy and if it doesn’t, then it isn’t love. But this belief couldn’t be further from the truth. Real love takes effort.

God, as the very definition of love (1 John 4:16), proved how love takes effort through the giving of His Son as a sacrifice for all (John 3:16).

Staying with your spouse involves your laying down your desire to leave and making effort to stay in your marriage. 

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If you are suffering because you don’t feel love toward your spouse, recognize that longsuffering is actually a fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Longsuffering is defined as “patiently enduring lasting offense or hardship.” (Merriam-Webster.com). It’s having patience in the midst of troubles, including those caused by other people.

Instead of focusing on your distress, turn to God for comfort knowing that His Word states if you suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed (1 Peter 3:14).

As well, Romans 8:18 urges you to consider how your present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in you.

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Realize your marriage is under attack. There are spiritual forces working to destroy your relationship. 1 Peter 5:8 states, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

Recognize the real enemy to your wedded bliss. Doing so will help bring you together as a couple and develop a sweet camaraderie as you fight side-by-side through conflicts.

Romans 8:37 assures that you are more than a conqueror through Him who loved you and able to win the battle.

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If you’ve fallen out of love, it’s because you’ve stopped loving your mate. No matter how much your other half may have changed, hurt, or disappointed you, it’s still your choice to love.

Marriage isn’t about being in love. It’s about loving. Jesus urges you to, “love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12).

You can choose to love your spouse, and bypass your thoughts and feelings of disillusionments. Scripture encourages you to “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

As well, if you believe your spouse is the one who no longer loves you, love him or her anyways keeping in mind that, “we love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

As Philippians 2:12 instructs you to “work out your salvation, “ understand this process includes loving your spouse.

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Like celebrity divorces influence the culture at large, so do divorces within the Christian community. Divorces in the Church can have a ripple effect on husbands and wives who may be struggling in their marriages. It can shake a couples’ very foundation, causing them to re-examine their relationship and question whether or not their own marriages are worth the effort.

Scripture encourages you to, “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:15).

Whether you realize it or not, your marriage influences those around you. You may never know how your staying married encouraged other couples to hang in there, too.

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God considers Himself a witness between you and your spouse, and takes your covenant of marriage seriously (Malachi 2:14).

Your wedding vows matter to Him. Numbers 30:20 states, “When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.”

Scripture states, “It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it” (Ecclesiastes 5:5).

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When you became a Christian, you surrendered your life to God. You accepted His gift paid to redeem your life from death. Scripture states, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price” (1 Corinthians 6:20).

You also committed to following His ways. In doing so, Scripture directs you to “Offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; offer every part of yourself to Him as an instrument of righteousness” (Romans 6:13)

Being an instrument of righteousness means submitting yourself to following God’s guidelines for living. 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20, elaborates on what this means stating, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? …Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

Staying married when you feel like you’ve fallen out of love is honoring God with your body. 

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It's not that Scripture doesn't speak to legitimate reasons for a couple to divorce. But there is no support in God’s Word for leaving a marriage because you don’t feel in love.

If you’re thinking you’ll find someone else to fall in love with, consider Scripture’s directive concerning your plans. “A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:10,11).

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Scripture states in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce, even referring to it as a hateful and violent action against your spouse (Malachi 2:14). So why would God describe it in this way?

In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus explains, “’At the beginning the Creator made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Divorce is the ripping apart of one flesh.

Consider the Cost

God designed marriage to last a lifetime and with His help, “all things are possible to him who believes” (Mark 9:23).

If you’ve lost that loving feeling in your marriage, my prayer is you will choose to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith (2 Timothy 4:7).

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Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.

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