If you’ve been single for a while, the words “thankful” and “singleness” may not come out of your mouth in the same sentence very often. I can fall down the slippery slope of negativity on the subject of dating and waiting with the best of them, but God has really convicted me to think more positively about my life. Since my relationship status can feel like a big chunk of my life, I decided to follow His lead and write out some of the reasons singleness can be pretty awesome.
As a disclaimer, some of you may see these “positives” as “negatives” but that’s the point of this list, really. My job here is to take what may be viewed as a “pain in my side” and turn it into a “blessing in disguise.” I hope you can look at singleness in a fresh way and remember that you are not alone in what can be viewed and felt as a very lonely road.
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1. You’re a Rock Star
Just in case you had any doubts, you’re awesome. If you’re single and in your 30s, 40s, or beyond, you are amongst the very first group of single adults that have had to go through singleness while dealing with the world of social media. Not only are we dealing with the emotions that can come with being single, but we’ve also had to build up a shield of defense against the ever-present temptations of jealousy, comparison, and negativity. You’re a rock star because you have been, and still are, truly happy for your friends and family for the blessings in their life while waiting for your own with faith and endurance.
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2. You Know How to Take Care of Yourself
I understand the value of having a support system, but as I have gotten older, I’ve really valued my own independence and ability to take care of myself. These skills will be important even when married. Understanding the ins and outs of bills, insurance, car maintenance, budgets, and the like will set me up for a peaceful mind if something unfortunate happens to my spouse or if I’m the main one taking care of the household.
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3. You Know that Money Matters
Becoming financially responsible has come with the territory of singleness. Having only myself to support, after my tithing, necessary bills, and savings are taken care of, my money can go toward things I enjoy owning and doing. Also, this is a great time to become debt free. The weight of debt can be hard when you are on your own but the relief of knowing you don’t owe anyone a thing is worth a lot!
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4. You Have Time to Focus on You
Many times people assume that singles have more time on their hands, but really, we all have the same amount of time, it’s just spent in different ways. As a single, the time I have goes towards work, necessary errands, family, friendships, dating, volunteering, rest, and hobbies. I have a lot of hobbies so I’ve learned to “not feel guilty” when focusing more time on them as well as just relaxing on the couch after a long work day! Undisrupted time spent in these activities and resting is not taken for granted.
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5. You’re Able to Travel
Because of my ability to financially take care of myself, I have been able to focus a portion of my income on travel. I have visited tons of places with family, friends, and even some trips by myself over the years. While traveling, I’ve had my eyes opened to different cultures and locations with the luxury of a “get up and go” attitude. These trips, or even staycations, are peppered into my yearly timeline to keep my mind and heart fed with anticipation. I know these pictures, funny stories, and mementos from my trips will be memories I can share with my future family, if that is God’s will.
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6. You Have Space for Devotion
Concentrated attention is hard to come across for many, single or married. In my experience, the empty times in the late night hours or lazy Saturday mornings are some of my best times with God while I dig into His word and spend time thinking upon my blessings and requests. In honest confession, I have also had some of my hardest hours here in these times of silence too. Crying out to God for a time when my empty home can be filled with hugs, kisses, and giggles is something I’ve done numerous times over. But until then, in His will and perfect way, I will enjoy my sweet empty times in one-on-one devotion to Him.
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7. You Have Time for Cultivation
Through the freedom in my schedule, I have cultivated more interests in the arts, music, blogging, and writing! I have had the opportunity to volunteer at conferences and meet teachers and preachers I admire, take intensive Bible classes on weeknights that have taught me how to dig deeper, sit in the home of one of my favorite authors and share a meal with her, and go to tons of concerts of my favorite musicians over the years. A lot of these opportunities came from me having more of an “open schedule.” Cultivating, enjoying, and deepening what makes my heart sing is a gift I am grateful for.
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8. You Get to Do What Makes You Comfortable
This is an area that I have been careful to protect yet consistently reminded that flexibility when married will be essential. Being in my mid-thirties, I have developed routines in my morning and evening time that help me to function at my best. Sitting on my couch, watching the shows I DVR’d that week, or eating what I have been craving all day is something I can do without any concern of another person’s desires. Becoming comfortable with being alone and creating a home that I look forward to living in has been invaluable to maintaining my joy. I do, however, remind myself that these creature comforts that I seek must not turn into what some may call being “set in my ways.” Flexibility is a quality I strive to consistently nurture as well.
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9. You’ve Refined Your Conversation Skills
I have met so many interesting people over the years and this is largely due to my singleness. Through an active dating life, going to single’s events, volunteering at conferences, and being in community and mentor groups, I have met so many wonderfully interesting people. I have worked on becoming more open with others while growing in my conversational and listening skills. The pragmatic skills required in meeting new people and getting to know them have grown much more due to my singleness over the years and these skills are invaluable.
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10. You’ve Developed the Fruit of Patience
Patience is one word I hear more often than any other in regards to dating and relationships. I used to joke around saying that I stopped asking God to work out the fruit of patience in me because He always gave me something else to be patient through, but I know better now. God is so good to me and His timing is perfect. Is His timing my timing? Nope. Still being single with no children at age 35 is not something I would ever have asked for but the internal growth, development of patience, humility, dependence on God, deepening of family and friend relationships, and character building that I know singleness has birthed in me, is something I wholeheartedly cherish. And for that, I am thankful.
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Mandy Smith is a joyful 30-something single living in GA. She is a full-time Speech-Language Pathologist. Her loves include Jesus, her family and friends, creativity, playing guitar and singing, coffee, laughing, and of course, writing! You can read more of her writing on her website www.myjoyousheart.com and connect with her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Originally published Thursday, 16 November 2017.
