There are seasons in our life when it's simply time for some relationships to come to an end. This can be hard because we don't hold relationships lightly. And whether the relationship is platonic or romantic, we don’t often begin them thinking about how they might end. Instead, we invest a lot of our time, energy, and love into them. However, God works in our lives in seasons! And just like he uses a job, school, or ministry experience to grow and mature us, he also uses relationships. The key is to recognize which relationships are long term and which are seasonal.
Letting go of a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that an individual is toxic to your life. Though that may very well be the case, there may also be times where it’s simply time for you to cut ties with a person because their season in your life has ended. Either way, it's important to notice the signs that it’s time to let go of a relationship so that we don't drag them on. Here are 10 things that can be markers that it’s time for you and another to go your separate ways.
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1. Distance
Distance can happen physically, or it can be a mentally separation where you and other person just don’t seem to be able to get on the same page the way you used to at the beginning of the relationship. If there has been some significant life changes in you or the other person’s life, it’s wise to pray before you end the relationship. People have families, jobs, and other priorities that can pull them away from your relationship for a period of time. The key question to think about here is if there is mutual effort is being made to reconnect. If not, this may be a sign that it’s time to let go of the relationship.
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2. Parasitic tendencies
Relationships should benefit both people. Both people should be helping one another to grow and become better individuals. If one person is more reliant on the relationship than the other, it can be a sign that person is leeching off the other. People can be leeches for money or emotional stability, as well as other reasons. Of course, there are times in our lives when people may need more support from us. That’s to be expected and shouldn’t be a reason to cut ties. However, if the support begins to err on the side of dependence instead of strengthening the person seeking the help, it may be time to pray about that relationship and have a conversation with the individual about their intentions for the relationship. Parasitic tendencies can definitely be a sign that it’s time to let that relationship go!
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3. Unsupportive
The people that you keep in your close knit circle of compadres is super important to the place you’re in and where God is leading you. You want people in your circle who are going to encourage, support, and believe in the dreams and visions God has placed in you! If there are people in your core group of confidants don’t support you, are constantly telling you that your dreams aren’t realistic, or that your vision is just too big. That person may not be going where you are going and their lack of support may be a sign that it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
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4. Bad Fruit
Scripture tells us that we will know a man by his fruit (Matthew 7:15) In the text, Jesus was speaking about false prophets, but this scripture can also be applied to our relationships as well. Is the relationship bearing good fruit in your life? Are you growing closer to the Lord through your relationship, or is the relationship pulling you further away from God? Are you becoming a better person because of the relationship, or do you find that you are more anxious, angry, and simply not yourself when you are with them? A relationship that bears bad fruit in your life isn’t one worth keeping and the fruit should be a sign that it’s time to let things go.
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5. Jealousy
Jealousy can reveal a lot of things about a relationship. On one end, it can show the confidence and security of one person, and on the other end, it can show the level of respect and honor given by the other person. Either way, scripture tells us that jealousy is like cancer in the bones (Proverbs 14:30). If it’s present, and healing doesn’t take place, it can make the relationship very toxic. Toxic relationships are best left in the past.
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6. The Grace Is Gone
A definition of grace according to Merrimack-Webster is “ease and suppleness of movement or bearing”. If you think about a ballet dancer, he/she moves with grace and fluidity. The same can be said about relationships. Relationships include at least two people, so it’s expected that there may come difficult times where the two people have to sort through their feelings and issues in order to reach a place of peace. However, that is different than a relationship where the grace has lifted and is no longer present. When the grace is gone, the relationship no longer moves with fluidity, but instead becomes hard to manage. It can seem like a battle simply to continue to move the relationship forward, which should happen in a relationship that God has ordained. If you have to fight tooth and nail for a relationship and there is more fighting than there is peace, it may be a sign that it’s time to move on.
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7. Unequally Yoked
Scripture tells us that we should not be unequally yoked with our partners. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says it explicitly, “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” Sometimes, we don’t know right away the values and beliefs of another person. Of course people can tell us one thing, but we often have to see people’s lives to see if what they say they believe matches up with how they live. This isn’t to say that a believer cannot be friendly with an unbeliever. We are called to be salt and light in this world and we will come across many people who do not believe what we do. This is speaking more to being joined in close relationship with others. People who do not believe what you believe will project their beliefs unto you, and vice versa. This can do much damage to a relationship. Unless two person’s are married, it is best to let unequally yoked relationships go.
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8. Lack of Commitment
This speaks more to romantic relationships than it does friendships, although, it can certainly be applied to friendships. In romantic, Christian relationships, it is expected that the relationship remains explicitly monogamous. If you are in a relationship with someone, but they’re acting like they are single, they aren’t ready to commit! Relationship is about commitment and if someone is unable to commit, it’s best to let that relationship go before things go further.
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9. Unwillingness to Compromise
Relationships are a give and take. Naturally, we as people have our own ideas and desires about what we want and do not want in regards to our present and future. If you find yourself in a relationship where either party is unwilling to compromise, that means that someone really wants things their own way. Amos 3:3 asks this question, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” An unwillingness to compromise does not lead to agreement and if it is present, it can be a sign to let things go.
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10. Discernment
Sometimes, relationships end because, well, it’s time for them to end. The only way that we can know this is through discernment by way of the Holy Spirit. Everyone cannot go where you are going and it is in your prayer time with the Lord that he will tell you which people to hold on to and which to let go of. This can be bittersweet, but we have to trust that God knows our lives much better than we do. He can see far into our tomorrow’s, so we have to trust that if he says we should let someone go, our obedience will be in the best interest of both ourselves and the other person.
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Britnee is a free-spirited, Old Navy-wearin', coffee-shop lovin', wife and momma. She serves in the worship ministry with her husband at their home church in Glendale, AZ and writes with the sole purpose of pointing others to Christ. You can catch up with her on her blog or via Instagram and Facebook.
Originally published Monday, 06 November 2017.
