It was the worst news. It was the darkest moment. I asked my husband to pull the car over. “I’m sick to my stomach,” I said as he held my hand, guiding me to the nearest bathroom.
All came out—my dreams for a happy marriage and a promising future all spilled out.
The culprit was the blindness that robbed my sight at 30. It turned my world upside down with grief, with anguish and hopelessness. And my husband, who wasn’t prepared to handle such tragedy in our marriage, announced he was leaving me for someone else.
I begged for an answer. And I asked him a thousand times why. But my unexpected blindness covered any trace of wisdom or reasoning.
I was empty. What I needed to fill me was buried in my sorrow. Until the day God whispered to my soul. He spoke the truth of who I was. And He poured His grace and wisdom to express the needs I had tucked inside for way too long. Here are 10 things I needed but didn’t know how to ask for.
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1. A wife needs her husband to acknowledge her worth.
As rejection seared my heart, I longed to silence the lies that I was ugly, unworthy and pitiful. Instead, I clung to God’s view of who He said I was.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psa 139:13-14
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2. A wife needs her husband’s love to mirror Christ’s love.
In the depth of my pain, I cried out for my husband’s love to mirrored Christ’s.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27
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3. A wife needs unconditional love.
What my heart hungered for was to have his unconditional love…whether I was sighted or blind.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.” Ephesians 5:28-29
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4. A wife needs a humble husband.
I prayed for his humility so he would accept God's discipline as well as His love.
“Do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves…” Hebrews 12:9
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5. A wife needs a marriage marked by repentance and forgiveness.
I needed God to purify our marriage by revealing our flaws, sin and weaknesses.
“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord…”
“See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau…” Hebrews 12:14b and 16
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6. A wife needs a husband committed to their wedding vows.
I needed God’s help for us to look beyond our pain and instead make a commitment to uphold our wedding vows.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." Ephesians 5:31
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7. A wife needs a husband who is full of wisdom.
Because heartache shook our relationship, I longed for my husband to be filled with wisdom to lead the restoration of our home.
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” Matthew 7:24-25
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8. A wife needs a husband who longs to follow all of God’s commands.
Since we were both vulnerable and lost, I needed my husband and I to be filled with Godly discernment.
”My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble…” Proverbs 2:21-23
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9. A wife needs a husband she can trust.
I wanted to hear the truth from his lips. I longed to believe in his word and trust in his commitments.
“Above all, my brothers, do not swear--not by heaven or by earth or by anything else. Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No," no, or you will be condemned.” James 5:12
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10. A wife needs a husband dedicated to prayer.
I stayed awake at night, wishing him to repent, to express remorse and wished to hear his acknowledgment that he had marred our marriage.
“Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge… a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:4 and 1
After weeks of diligent prayer, I drew courage from God’s wisdom. And I drew strength from His truth. In a loving way, I expressed my needs and expectations clearly.
He heard them all as he saw the change in me. I wasn’t the shaken up, afraid wife anymore. Instead, I had become confident In Gods power to change. He did a transformation in me. And I knew He would do the same in my husband too.
We sat at the kitchen table one evening and he held my hand. “I made my decision,” he said, “I’m leaving it all behind and I will be devoted to you and our sons.”
We began to pray together. We started to talk. He became my best friend. We fell in love all over again, and on a cruise ship, we recently celebrated 41 years of marriage.
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Janet Perez Eckles is an international speaker and author of four books. Her best-selling release, Simply Salsa: Dancing Without Fear at God’s Fiesta invites you to experience the simplicity of finding joy even in the midst of hardship, With engaging stories, Simply Salsa gives practical steps to overcome heartache and celebrate life once again.
Originally published Monday, 13 March 2017.
