What one word might you use to describe the present state of your friendships? Evolving, encouraging, enduring? Strained, stressful, shallow? How about flourishing? Is that a word that would easily come to mind as you characterize the current status of your existing friendships? If not, I want to offer you hope that all is not lost. It is possible to have thriving, God-honoring friendships that reflect the heart of God. It is God's desire that we engage in flourishing friendships that reveal His glory. Our friendships have the potential to be light to a world that so desperately needs to see us model the example of what this looks like according to the standards and ways of God's kingdom.
In order to experience flourishing friendships, we must be honest about the challenges that often prevent our friendships from flourishing. Another word for flourish is to grow. As in any other context, if not nurtured properly, growth within our friendships can also be stunted. Amos 3:3 (KJV) says, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed? In order to grow and flourish in friendship with another person, we must be able to walk together in agreement. Being unified in friendship will not just happen because we are good Christian people, but it will require our commitment to honor God in the friendships gifted to us as we tend to them with compassion and faithfulness.
Here are three aspects to consider as you navigate and nurture your flourishing friendships and courageously embrace the privilege of fostering them in a healthy manner that honors God.
1. Receptiveness in Friendship
Receptiveness in friendship speaks to the way we choose to be open with our existing friends as well as being open to the possibility of new friendships. Proverbs 18:24a (KJV) reminds us, "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly…" This reminds us of the value of maintaining a receptive attitude and outlook.
Receptiveness is necessary in existing friendships because we are constantly evolving as individuals. God wants us to continue in our personal growth and development, as well as in our friendships. With this perspective, we can extend grace to each other, which helps us develop a receptive mindset as we interact with friends.
No, our friends will not always respond or react as we hope. And no, they will not always share our same viewpoints or positions. Instead of allowing these differences to create a rift in the friendship that tears us apart, we can pre-determine to engage with a level of receptiveness that promotes openness over judgment for the good of the friendship. Maintaining an open mind about how the other person is feeling, what they may be facing, etc., helps us to likewise keep an open heart and practice open communication in the friendship. This kind of receptiveness in friendship leads to understanding and respect for each other's differences.
Receptiveness is crucial when considering initiating or accepting an invitation to a new friendship. Sometimes when we have been hurt in the past, it discourages us from being open to new friendships. We are reluctant to "go first" and extend the proverbial friendship Olive branch. Our disposition tends to bend toward being reserved. We are not quick to embrace someone else's gesture in attempting to befriend us. At our core, the heart of the matter is fear. We fear being hurt or harmed, so we keep a guarded, detached, or closed posture as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves. This is the complete opposite of what it means to enjoy receptiveness in friendship.
Since we are constantly changing, it makes sense so will our friendships. When we make allowances for this to happen within various seasons of our friendships, it helps us to remember our friend is not our disloyal or any less worthy of being our friend just because changes occur, or circumstances arise that create tension within the relationship. We can still show empathy, godly love for one another, and continue to advocate for a healthy, flourishing friendship.
2. Rejection in Friendship
Although it can be difficult to admit and discuss, the reality is that we have all dealt with rejection in friendship. Whether it was being rejected after taking the risk of trying to befriend someone you thought could have potentially become your friend or being rejected by a friend after a period of time having already established the friendship, rejection stings our soul like nothing else in this world. We all know the disappointment and devastation that can result from being the recipient of rejection.
Past rejection can hinder us from initiating new friendships. It can also hinder us from being able to truly experience flourishing friendships with existing friends. If wounds of rejection go unaddressed and unhealed, our existing friendships will not flourish to their maximum capacity. Our own negative experiences with rejection can be used positively when we allow them to inform our sensitivity toward others. Remembering how deeply rejection wounds can hurt should compel us to consider our behavior so that we are careful not to inflict rejection on others.
As painful as rejection can be, we can still choose to process it in healthy ways that make us better, not bitter. We can find comfort in knowing Jesus understands how this feels and can identify with us. Psalm 118:22 (ESV) reminds us, "The stone that the builders rejected
has become the cornerstone." To the most extreme degree, Jesus suffered rejection yet emerged victoriously. If you are working through your own healing from a fresh wound or an old scar, be encouraged that, like Jesus, we, too, can overcome and emerge victoriously.
3. Resolving Conflict in Friendship
As long as we are suited in earthen vessels, conflict is inevitable. Our humanity will not allow us to navigate our friendships flawlessly. Resolving conflict is a viable and necessary skill in order to maintain flourishing friendships.
One helpful attitude in approaching conflict resolution is to keep the perspective that our friend is our sister/brother first. Recognizing each other as children of God first is a great reminder to honor God in the manner we treat each other. We do not want to misrepresent our Heavenly Father by being at odds with each other because of unresolved conflict within the friendship. Instead, when addressing conflict, we want to do so respectfully so that we convey to our friend and God an understanding that no matter what, we are both still a part of the family of God.
Avoiding conflict resolution is a trick of the enemy to undermine our friendship. Our friend is never our enemy. In fact, we have a real enemy who would love nothing more than to tear apart all of our godly friendships and influence us to focus on fault-finding, disagreement, and being judgmental. This is why Jesus told us in John 10:10 (CSB), "A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance." We cannot allow the devil to kill, steal, and destroy our God-ordained friendships.
Conflict is often characterized as something bad or negative, but it does not have to be this way. We can choose to view it as something good and positive that affords us the opportunity to mature individually as well as grow within our friendships. When conflict resolution is applied correctly, thoughtfully, and purposefully, it can actually strengthen our bonds of friendship with the other person.
All of the key ingredients that make for great relationships - effective communication, active listening, empathy, forgiveness, patience, grace, mercy, humor, and humility - will serve us well in our friendships with others when attempting to resolve conflict. Let us commit to keeping open hearts and minds so that peace can overflow us and flow through us. In this way, our friendship garden will continue to bear great fruit and flourish more and more as the days go by.
Originally published Thursday, 09 May 2024.
