3 Ways to Support Loved Ones with Mental Health Disorders

As a teenager, mental health problems were prevalent in my home. My dad was placed on disability at 14, and when his moods started shifting rapidly, I didn't understand. Almost overnight, the chronic pain he endured morphed him into a different man.

My mom was almost always anxious. She and my Dad often fought about bills, finances, and marital issues. At the top of their concerns were my half-brother's affairs in drug abuse, addiction, and physical abuse.

By the time I was 25, I'd had my life threatened on numerous occasions. I'd faced countless rounds of verbal and emotional abuse and couldn't wait to get out of my home. It was my counselor who helped me understand and process the trauma I was experiencing. It was Christ who helped me see the purpose in the struggle.

The funny thing is, when I experienced these things, my family rarely talked about it or called it "mental health." My mom always said, "Someone else has it worse." While she's right, ignoring issues altogether won't make them go away. No matter how hard we shut our eyes and tell ourselves they don't matter, they do. This is why both validation and reframing are important.

Today, mental health conditions and disorders are among the top in the world. Research shows that 284 million people in the world are impacted by anxiety, 264 million people are depressed, and 107 million people wrestle with alcohol addiction. 71 million people also fight drug abuse disorders as well.

If our world is suffering from this pandemic, how can we be a light?

Here are three ways anyone can support loved ones experiencing mental health problems:

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Woman gazing off into the distance, thinking; who are you listening to - discerning God's voice.

1. Listen to Hear (Not Reply)

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, we are called to listen to hear, not reply or respond. When someone is experiencing mental hardships and tragedy, what they desire most is your presence. Your presence is invaluable to another person. This is why Jesus tells us in Galatians 6:2: "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (NIV). It's also why His Word commands us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry" (James 1:19, NLT).

In John 11:35, Mary and Martha were distraught that their brother Lazarus had passed away. If Jesus had just been there, then he wouldn't have died! Though Jesus later raises Lazarus from the grave, what I love most about this story is that "Jesus wept" (NLT).

Jesus saw the pain Mary and Martha were experiencing. He understood that grief often goes beyond words. And He sat with them where they were, amid the pain and suffering. He didn't offer words. He didn't tell them to suck it up and get it together. He didn't call them out for lacking faith. He didn't tell them to trust Him more. Scripture says, "Jesus wept."

Before He would do a miracle, He wanted His people to know that He saw them, cared for them, and had compassion for what they were experiencing. He would weep with them. He would experience what they were feeling. And though their emotions weren't sinful, we can recall Hebrews 4:15 as comforting words to our soul: "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin" (NLT). Jesus knew what they were experiencing and was present with them in that place.

How much more are we called to be and do that for our brothers and sisters in Christ?

Listening to hear means listening with both ears. It requires us to process what someone is saying and remain present. It doesn’t require us to give advice or know all the answers. It just asks us to be like Jesus. To offer a genuine ear and heart and sit with someone in their suffering.

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2. Offer Compassion and Empathy

The second way we can support those struggling with mental health issues is to offer compassion and empathy. Compassion means offering sympathy and care for the misfortune of others. At a basic level, compassion is doing what is right even when no one is looking. The fruits of the Spirit could extend this definition to include love, kindness, goodness, and gentleness.

Empathy is the ability to sense how someone is feeling. It enables us insight and understanding to comfort them where they are. We might not have the same experiences, but empathy allows us to comfort them as if we have experienced those things.

Jesus has much to say about compassion and empathy. Not only did He show both qualities Himself, but he encouraged all who followed Him to go and do the same. Constantly, Jesus was healing the sick, feeding the hungry, and comforting those who mourned. He then told His disciples to follow suit. Today, we are those disciples.

Showing compassion and empathy to those with mental and physical health issues is a requirement of every Christian. When Jesus wept with Mary and Martha over Lazarus, this revealed His compassion and empathy for them.

Matthew 9:36 also exemplifies Jesus’ call to care for those around us: “But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd” (NKJV, emphasis mine). Countless stories in Scripture illustrate the need for genuine understanding and care. Our world is full of sheep without a shepherd. If we can lead others to the Shepherd by shepherding them in their suffering, then we will fulfill the true calling of compassion.

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shoes on different sides of a line to demonstrate healthy parent child boundaries

3. Set Boundaries

The third way we can show compassion and support to individuals who are hurting mentally is to remember the importance of boundaries. It sounds odd, but protecting yourself when you’re serving others is crucial.

Growing up in a chaotic home, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. After countless rounds of verbal and emotional abuse, I reached a breaking point. I could no longer be around my half-siblings or Dad if they were in an uproar. And you know what? That's okay.

For my siblings, this looked like refusing to be home alone with them. If they showed up when my parents weren't home, it was okay to act like I wasn't home either. If Dad was having an episode, sometimes it was better for me to leave and go to a safe place (like my Memo's or the library) until the phase had passed. Setting boundaries isn't selfish. It's protective and necessary to ensure your mental health and stability.

This can be hard for those of us who are close to our family. It's been and continues to be a challenge for me. But one thing that has helped me to enforce this practice is knowing what Jesus thinks about it. I firmly believe Jesus doesn't want me to endure abusive situations (including mental abuse), and He doesn't want you to either. But He does call us to love everyone.

While the Bible doesn't specifically use the terms "emotional" or "verbal abuse", abuse is present numerous times in Scripture. Cain's abuse went so far that he murdered Abel. Esau sold his birthright, but Jacob deceived his father into blessing him (Genesis 25:19-34; Genesis 27), leaving the two in a family feud. Abigail's husband was mean and hot-tempered (1 Samuel 25:3,14,25). The list goes on and on.

Setting boundaries is an act of love and compassion. As much as it's also protection, it's the right thing to do. 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It's not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable. Or resentful. It does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Emotional abuse is not patient or kind, but it is envious, boastful, arrogant, and rude. It does insist on its own way, is surely irritable, and resentful, and often rejoices in wrongdoing.

Ask GotQuestions summarizes how love doesn't require us to overlook abuse: "Abuse is a learned behavior. We cannot and should not accept verbal or emotional abuse, for at least two reasons: it dishonors the Lord and it often escalates to physical abuse."

Relationships are comprised of two people. We are each responsible for our actions, our relationship with Christ, and how we treat others. Unfortunately, even the best individuals often accept abuse from those they love because they don't know what else to do. GotQuestions further explains the phenomenon in this way:
"Any relationship plagued by emotional abuse will eventually have to choose one of three paths: one, the abuser admits fault, sees his behavior as harmful, and changes; two, the abused person walks away, at least temporarily; or, three, the abuse is allowed to continue indefinitely, to the harm of both parties."

When I realized that a relationship is a two-way street and God didn't want me to continue to take abuse from those around me, I felt more confident in making, setting, and keeping my boundaries—even and especially those boundaries with my family! I'm not responsible for others' actions, but I am responsible for how I respond and what I do about the situation.

Today, as you support your loved ones struggling mentally, remember these tips. Listen to hear, not reply. Offer compassion and empathy. See them. Set boundaries when you need to, knowing it's the right and healthy thing to do.

What tips do you use for supporting those with mental health struggles?

Agape, Amber

Amber Ginter is a teacher-turned-author who loves Jesus, her husband Ben, and granola. Growing up Amber looked for faith and mental health resources and found none. Today, she offers hope for young Christians struggling with mental illness that goes beyond simply reading your Bible and praying more. Because you can love Jesus and still suffer from anxiety. You can download her top faith and mental health resources for free to help navigate books, podcasts, videos, and influencers from a faith lens perspective. Visit her website at amberginter.com.